Lethean
by qhfreddy
Summary: Snow and ice was what I grew up in: a cold that makes most shiver the daily norm; but here a different kind of cold I find, one that brings tears to my eyes. Irelia x OC, I reject your lore and substitute my own, ft. Zelos (Irelia's brother). M for a bit of gore, lots of angst, and a lemon.
1. Prologue

The artwork is from Rito :^) and so is the game (no I did not invent Liga Lurdurr)

**Dear reader, I feel this has come a long way since its origins almost three years ago, I've very much enjoyed every step so far and really hope to continue to expand this story way beyond what it is now.**

**As of June/August 2016 this represents the third major revision of the work, greatly aided by a very skilled friend of mine who I am eternally grateful for. I have refrained from changing the plot, so if you have previously read through you are not missing too much (unless you are into literary fluff). I feel this version is a huge step above the previous ones as I've ironed out a lot of the mistakes and been able to focus my ideas much better. I probably will continue to retroactively update some of the earlier chapters as I work along, but these first 20 or so I am more or less satisfied with at this point.**

**Many other people I owe a lot to, in particular WingsOfRequiem who inspired me to get started in the first place and helped me on my first steps.**

**I have, rather reluctantly, pulled out a lot of the original Author's Notes, although they are interesting snapshots into the past I feel they don't really add anything to the writing. I do have them archived so they could end up making an appearance later on…**

**I very much hope you enjoy the story like I did writing it, fav/review/etc. if you did!**

**Alasdair**

* * *

**Prologue**

In the moonlight beneath a towering willow two figures stood, the bowed silhouettes appearing to face each other, separated by mere inches.

"I guess we're alone now," one whispered, a light female voice. The other moved no more than a slight nod. At length he leaned forward slowly, being caught in a passing, yet tender embrace before turning slowly away from the tree and out of the courtyard.

* * *

_Her death had opened up a huge rift in our souls; the huge space once occupied by my stepmother; Akali's mother. She was the third parent I had lost in my short, miserable life. Why me? Why was I the one to have it happen to, I had seen a mere 13 summers come and go, what am I to do? I'm too young to understand, my depressed mind too small to comprehend._

* * *

In the doorway he stood as Akali left, pondering what she had said. 'You'll find what life is about'.

_Death? Was that the meaning of life? Everything ended up dead at some point._

He closed the door and paced quietly to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror seeming to catch him, a frown growing on his face. The young boy, devoid of youth, clouded by his depression, his hatred for himself; hatred for the world he lived on. It was as if a shadow had cast itself over him, its weight dragged down on him, slowing his every movement, slowing the beating of his heart, and gently muting out everything else. There in his left chest it thumped along, unfaltering for the last 13 years, how much longer was it to beat?

Yet, his expression was blank, indifferent; emotions were something he had learned to suppress; he never showed their true extent to anyone. Time slipped by, he had the whole day after all. Darkness consumed him again as his eyes ventured towards the short, black dagger that lay on the counter. Like him, it felt cold as he traced the sharp edge of the metal. It was something he had perfected, being able to touch the blade without it cutting into his skin. Gliding towards the carved handle he traced the intricate lines. The blade had been polished years ago before it was given to him, relieved of its duty as an assassin's dagger; the dull black coating had been invisible in the hands of any reasonably competent user. Now it reflected his face, he gritted his teeth, scowling at the sight, disgusted.

Slowly he raised it to his chest, the beating of his heart quickening ever so slightly, as if it knew that death hovered mere inches above. Faster it got, thumping its way up his neck as the blade lowered closer and closer, he swallowed the knot in his throat, but just as it touched his skin he fainted, everything had gone black.


	2. An Icy Trial

**Chapter 1 – An Icy Trial.**

I found myself in a giant ice field, rows of mountains lining its edges, their blue-white peaks towering over me, the low sun casting long shadows across the landscape. I walked on a large, solid expanse of snow covered ice, probably a lake. To the front, somewhat closer to me, there was a smaller ridge line, only a few miles away, this one was particularly blue and somehow I felt drawn towards it. As I walked towards the ridge an icy gust of wind struck me from behind, making me shiver, this wind was followed by a dragon, a blue ice dragon, it flew over at great height, looking no larger than a bird. The drake roared, the sound almost deafening me, despite the great distance between me and the animal. I started running, not sure why, but I felt as if I had to hurry. The dragon descended to the ground, seeming to end its flight at the base of the ridge, where it disappeared.

It took me a while to run what the dragon had flown in mere seconds. By the time I had reached the base of the mountains I was exhausted, panting, the cold air burning inside my lungs, sweat chilling my exposed skin. There was no dragon to be seen, disappointed I looked around and found a small, man sized hole in the side of the mountain. Feeling the need to sate my curiosity, I walked in.

Inside it was a very icy blue, the mere sight of the colour making me feel cold, almost scared. The tunnel seemed to be lit by the sun outside, despite its thickness the ice didn't block much of the light, it illuminated the tunnel and coloured it that deep blue. On the other hand, the air was strangely warm, not a stuffy warm like most caves, but a clear cool-warm, the air clean like a summer morning on a mountain. The roof of the tunnel was only an arm's length above me, its width around 3 shoulders wide, all of the sides lined with this very blue ice, Freljordian true ice. Continuing along the winding passage I began to catch a chilly draught that came from the depths within.

Suddenly the narrow sides of the tunnel gave way to a gigantic cavern, easily several miles across and a good part of a mile high, again lit quite brightly in the same blue of the tunnel. It was as if the stone had been carved out from underneath the glaciers, a whole mountain removed, only the icy shell remaining. The floor of the cave was rough, like a small mountain range under the ground, the middle however was flat. There was a plateau, a few hundred feet in diameter, on top of it stood a huge pine tree, its dark green leaves an almost blinding contrast to this entirely blue world.

"Gilion!" An icy voice called out. _Lissandra!_ I shot back almost immediately, surprising myself to how normal it seemed to find her here. "Come to the tree." She commanded, me obeying immediately, starting over the strangely warm ice. In fact, it almost felt like stone to the hands, except it was translucent, bright blue. I had slowed my pace coming down the tunnel, calming my breathing, yet the freezing air still stung slightly as I breathed it in. It took me a while, but once I had reached the plateau I was no more tired than when I had entered the cavern.

I stood for a second and stared at the huge tree, I liked the darkness of the needles, they were the same colour of holly, but in the fashion of a pine, very thin and pointy. The bark was a very deep brown and it looked rough, well textured. My observing was cut short by a rumbling, it subsided before I had the time to pin it down.

"You aren't one to decide your fate," Lissandra said, her icy voice making me shiver. "I hope you regret your decision." She continued. Her voice seemed to come from everywhere, it was like she was the cavern, or the cavern was her. I thought her words over; they cut deep into me, exposed me, I hated that. I wanted to keep it away from everyone else; it felt like I was being judged publically. What did I do to deserve losing 3 parents, why could it not be justified for me to end my own life?

"You are weak, fool!" she sneered, her voice slicing like a newly sharpened dagger through my mind. "You don't deserve such good parents, spoiled brat!" She continued, as tears started to well in my eyes. _Was what she said true? _It must be, I was spoiled, I had been almost everywhere on the planet, but I never had to fight for my life like so many other children my age. I'd never have survived a few months without parents; I was the weak one out of my generation. I was a mistake.

My thoughts were again interrupted by a distant rumbling; it lasted long enough to clue me towards the ceiling. I looked up, it was coming loose! _Oh, shit._ I thought, sarcastically. _What can I do, there is no way I'd escape the roof coming down._ My mind reassured me as I stared up, slowly getting more nervous as a piece, easily as wide as I was tall, detached itself and started its long journey to the floor. It was falling right on top of me! I jumped backwards just in time as it crashed down a few feet away from me, the blast threw me back, tripping me over another chunk of ice that lay behind me, sending a fine icy dust all over the place

I must have hit my head as my vision was going blurry, the last thing I saw was another piece, now the size of a house that came, speeding in complete silence down towards me. My vision blacked out completely as I heard a screech and felt myself getting lifted off the ground no more than half a second before in a thunderous crash the block of ice slammed down.

* * *

I almost jumped out of his talons when I woke up, flying miles up over the icy Freljord. Picking up my movements he looked down at me, pausing the slow beating of his wings, he cocked his head to the side, squawked, and heaved himself back onto the current of air. Valor held me by my shoulders, allowing me to see where he was bringing me. Everything around was either a snowy white or the same blue as the tunnel was, and it was cold. The wind blasted in my face, my thin clothes rendered useless by the chilly air which had me shivering almost immediately when I opened my eyes. There were no clouds to be seen, the sky was completely clear with the sun hanging low over the horizon to the south, slightly to the right of where we were flying, again casting long, stretched shadows on the ground. We were heading in a south-easterly direction, but since I had no idea where we were coming from, I couldn't be sure of where we were headed. I looked at the ground for clues, a valley, a ridge, some landmark that looked at least vaguely familiar, something that I had seen in my adventures into the Frozen Kingdom with my dad. I didn't see anything other than what seemed like an endless series of repeating ridges, valleys and glaciers that spanned the horizons. I was lost. _Might as well sleep…_ I thought. It didn't take me long before I did so.


	3. A Warmer Trial

**Chapter 2 - A Warmer Trial**

"Wake up sleepy."  
"Gilion?"  
"Open your eyes boy."

It was Kayle, Akali and Shen who I found leaning over me when I woke up, their blurry figures slowly moulding into their more familiar crisp shapes. I felt stiff, especially in my back, but also my mind. I stared blankly at the ceiling for a while, as if my body was taking a little while to actually start working. Shen must have asked me something, he waved his hand in front of my face, finally getting my attention.

"How do you feel," he asked in his distinctively deep voice, his patience somewhat taking me by surprise.

"I guess I'm fine, maybe a bit hungry." I replied slowly.

"Ah yes, I'll send for one of the nurses to bring you something," he said, turning to the two girls who now stood against the wall, observing in silence. Instead of listening to what he said to them, I looked around. Piecing together my sights I determined I was in the infirmary, the characteristic blank walls giving it away.

"You were out for a while, a good eight hours." Shen continued, turning back to me. "You passed out before you were able to stab yourself." Part of my brain flinched at how casually he said it. The rest of my thought was on where my aches came from, which generally seemed to agree that I had fallen down before the blade had been able to pierce my skin. He stood next to the bed for a while, observing me and taking notes, then turning to Kayle and muttering something inaudible. She nodded and left the room, turning to wink at me before closing the door quietly. Even though it didn't make much noise, the closing of the door seemed so terminal, it made me shiver. Shen made his way back to me.

"Would you like to sit up?" he asked, me nodding weakly in reply. I took a deep breath before lifting my back off the mattress, I probably could have done it without Shen helping me, but it was reassuring, so I cared not. My stomach grumbled as I turned, lowering my legs off the bed, ready to stand up on the floor.

"Not so fast son." Shen said, stopping me once I was sitting down with my legs dangling off the mattress, I was quite taken aback by what I saw where the floor should have been. It was a void, nothing there. _WHAT!_ I almost cried out, _not another dream..._ I felt myself growing tense, my heart slowly filling my throat. As I started gasping for air, I blinked, finding my eyes had lied to me, this time revealing the clean, tiled floor. My breathing slowed back to normal again. I blinked a few more times to make sure I was seeing everything normally.

"Your heart rate is still pretty low," Shen explained," You'll feel better as it starts returning to normal." _Sounds plausible. _I thought, it seemed odd though, I was reasonably fit, maybe a tad underweight, but I was surely used to lower than normal oxygen levels. I had climbed many high mountains with my father, he always said I did remarkably well in the thinner air, better than some of the most conditioned climbers he knew. So it was a bit of a surprise to me when I found myself unable to cope with a slightly lower heart rate. I lay back down as my head was starting to hurt.

"Headache." I mumbled, promptly removing the look of concern that had made its way onto Shen's face. It was nice to know someone cared about me, it made me glad I didn't kill myself. But, I was still annoyed, I still missed my parents, nothing could possibly replace them and nothing could fill the hole that their deaths had left in me. But, in a sense there were people who had replaced them, Akali for one, she seemed to care for me. I looked over at her, she was still standing by the wall, a solemn look on her face. She looked tired and quite stressed. This made me feel sorry for her, sorry for what I had tried to do. She glanced up at me, and smiled as best she could, in the moment the expression meant a lot more than it would have at any other time. Maybe it was not really worth it, I guess I had people who cared for me, people who could help me through my miseries. People who could teach me, guide me, but I would be a burden to them. The more I thought about it, the more torn I became, it was such a hard decision, I couldn't make my mind up. I lay there disputing with myself as Shen fiddled with some of the medical equipment; I didn't bother to listen to his mumbling.

After a few minutes a nurse came in with a tray, on it a bowl of steaming liquid, soup I guessed, and next to it a glass of water.

"Thanks," I said, earning a smile from her as she placed it on the table next to the bed. The smell that followed the soup reached me, clearing my mind, relaxing my senses. It was a rich smell, after some time I determined it to be chicken soup, my favourite.

After another short wait I sat back up on the edge of the bed, and started in on the soup. The warm liquid relieved me as it ran down my throat, it ordered my thoughts. The many flavours flooded my senses, calmed my mind, and filled my body with warmth. In it were small pieces of chicken, little treasure chests of taste, tender, soothing to the jaw. My senses were so overwhelmed that I barely realized I had finished the whole bowl, and despite not having any more soup to indulge myself with, I was fully satisfied. I sat for a while, still on the bed, staring somewhat blankly at Akali, who had turned to staring back at me ever since I had finished eating.

Her eyes were full of colour, a very rich turquoise, quite dark, but no less brilliant than the sky when it faced the setting sun. Her stare was soft, warming, but had it an air of exhaustion to it, bringing pity to my mind, making me feel sorry for what I had tried to do to myself. She was the first to break the gaze, sighing deeply and lowering her head. I lifted each of my legs straight, stretching them one at a time, the action reassuring me that I had not lost them for some odd reason and that it was now safe to stand up. When I did so, Shen looked over at me in surprise, but then went back to messing around with one of the heart-rate monitors that had probably been hooked up to me earlier on.

I stood relatively still for a moment, then leaned my head to each side, relieving an ache I had in my neck. Kayle came back into the room, a bit startled by the fact that I was already pacing around the room.

"Come with me Gilion," she said, her voice a little softer than usual, but still intimidating. I glanced at Shen, who nodded in approval as a I followed the angel out the door, letting it close softly behind me. I heard Akali begin to talk to Shen in a rather nervous, almost alarming tone, but I left them behind for it was enough having to worry about myself at this point.

I breathed in deeply again once we were under the sky, the warm air filled my lungs, having a strangely similar effect to the soup. _Odd_, I thought, wondering exactly what had caused me to pass out right before I could end my life. Pushing the uncomfortable thought aside I looked around at the heavens, they were clear and blue. The sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow above the western horizons. My ears tuned into the few noises of the quiet evening, a squawk drawing me to a small figure, a bird that soared to the south, so high it was almost out of sight.

My observing was interrupted by Kayle, who, catching me completely off guard, picked me up off the ground, and took off. My face was buried in her warm chest, the contact of our bodies making my cheeks burn in the embarrassing awkwardness of the situation. Disappointingly it also prevented me from seeing where we were going, so I just listened, but it didn't reveal anything about her intentions.

When she placed me back on my feet, I found myself on top of one of the guard towers. The tower was a few good paces across, easily enough to place an artillery piece or a dozen soldiers. It was made of massive chunks of stone, each was around the size of my torso and its surface rough and unpolished. In one corner there was a small, wooden hatch, presumably the normal way up. I looked towards the setting sun, it was still hovering a decent way over the horizon. Then I turned back to Kayle, who had sat down on the ledge inside the parapet and was signalling for me to do so as well.

"Well well," she said in her usual voice, rather intimidating, not much unlike her figure, which looked strong, a tad bulky, similar to the soldiers I had seen marching through the southern states many years back. Her loose clothes revealed her muscular composition. She eyed me over as I did to her, probably mocking my weak body, completely unfit to be a soldier, accompanied by its awkward, teenage proportions. "What a life, and what a shame it would be to lose it, to throw it away." She said slowly, sighing at the end of the sentence. I was at a loss, I didn't know what to think about it. I grunted out of simple lack of a better reply.

"You are too young to leave this world," she continued, "there is still much to see, much to learn, much to experience." I remembered travelling with my father in the Freljord. We spent months on end in the snow, in cold parts of the world where no one else had ever been. He was to map them for the Institute, and find anything that was potentially important, a job he was particularly proud of having. I had learned so much from him, first about how to survive the cold, how to stay warm, how to find food, how to make shelter. He also taught me how to read the weather and how to get over the obstacle-filled land. He always said there is nothing I could not do, that all it took to succeed was dedication. But ever since he died his gory death to a pack of bears, which I had found myself running away from, I had lost the confidence to go out and explore a bit for myself. I was scared of the images of his torn up body coming back to me, I pushed the thought aside to stop exactly that.

"Think of all the people that would miss you," she said, now in a noticeably more gentle tone, I was looking away, part of my mind staring blankly at the sky, the other part wondering what it was like to fly. I heard her shift slightly, then put my thought to the question, who would miss me? Akali, I'd have thought I was more of a burden to her than a half decent brother. Well, maybe she enjoyed my presence, I didn't mind hers, it was nice to have someone to talk to. And what would it mean to her if I killed myself, maybe she'd be disappointed in herself at not being able to stop it, in failing to bring me up. What would she do? I didn't want to make her suffer, I had seen enough of it when her mother died, it'd leave me guilty, guilty of abandoning her. Tears were starting to well in my eyes.

"I don't really know what to do," the words taking longer than I expected to make it out of me, I lay my head sideways on the parapet, my hand between the two. Kayle shifted again, judging by what my ears told me she was almost next to me, the warmth of her body confirming this. I flipped my head over to see what she was up to, finding Valor, perched on her shoulder. He slowly picked up one foot, putting it back down as he picked up the other, as if his legs ached from standing, making a clicking sound with his beak as he settled on his talons. Kayle appeared to be listening. I stared for a while at the magnificent blue bird, his feathers being ruffled slightly in the wind. Kayle lifted an arm to her shoulder, allowing the eagle to move to her hand, she then placed him on my arm, just above the wrist. He clicked again.

"He says you are one of the calmest boys he has met." Kayle translated with a smile on her face. Well come on, it was Valor, what would he do to me, peck my eyes out, I had nothing to be nervous of, with the exception of the Judicator that sat across from me. "Did you know he actually followed your father around for many years?" I shook my head as best I could, which was more of a challenge than it normally was as I still leaned on top of the wall. "Well, he usually flew way over your father, alerting him for dangers and anything he saw. But the last day you two left he decided he wouldn't fly for his wing was hurt, so he couldn't warn your father about the bears. He says he could have flown, but he didn't want to risk breaking his wing, now he regrets the decision." The eagle scratched the back of his head with a talon. It made sense, I had often heard a screech or a squawk while we were out in the Freljord, but I had assumed it was just one of the many other eagles that flew around the area.

"You know, I had a dream while I was asleep." I told Kayle, who nodded for me to continue. I told her about how Valor had saved me from the cave. The bird on my arm shuffled impatiently until I finished talking.

"It's odd, isn't it," she said, "how your dreams will pick up stuff like that, and put it together. Someone once told me it's supposed to help you remember things for longer." Valor squawked, causing Kayle to giggle in return.

"He said he'd be blasted if he could ever pick you up." It put a smile on my face. He spread his wings and in one big flap, soared up, over the angel and flew off to the north, leaving me feeling a little empty and taking away the smile. "Wish you could fly, eh." I nodded meekly. "Not much I can do to help that."

"I guess," I grumbled.

"Maybe you should find yourself something to do, I think you'd have a lot more fun if you were actually doing something other than sitting around in the house the whole day." The statement didn't really explain the whole story, I did sit around at home most of the time, but I studied the maps of the battlefields, the strategies that the Ionian commanders used. It was amazing how much could be found in the library, practically every battle had some form of documentation about what was planned, what was done, and the results. There were also some of the Noxian and Demacian documents, these were usually less complete, I presumed they were acquired from captured messengers. It filled some of my time, but other than that I was pretty bored. Maybe she was right, but what could I do? "I think I can make some arrangements so you can start summoning, I'm sure the higher-ups will make an exception." That was a bit more exciting, I had never summoned a champion, as usually one had to be 16 years old to do it, so I was too young. It definitely sounded fun, to lead a champion into battle for a competition, or just a friendly scrim against the other summoners, maybe I could use some of the knowledge I had gained from the battle plans to outwit my opponents. But, I was a bit worried, would I be any good at it, or would it just be another way for me to embarrass myself, _I guess it wouldn't hurt too much to give it a try_.


	4. There

**Chapter 3 - There...**

It was late autumn, a full year later, a great storm had ravaged the western side of the island and the institute was preparing to mount rescue operations and provide relief to the affected areas. I remembered many years ago my parents had both participated in a similar event, but at the time I was too young to help.

"Have you packed everything?" Akali called from downstairs.

"Yes." I replied, I had packed everything I'd need, but the bag was surprisingly light. Also, we were supposed to be one of the first groups to arrive at the scene, only scouts and elite soldiers coming before us, so we were outfitted with only what we needed to survive, some first aid tools, and a small dagger each. I hoisted the pack on my shoulders, picked up my dark grey cloak and went downstairs, putting the bag down on the table, across from where Akali was preparing hers.

Akali was in one of the scouting parties, tasked on the same region as I was, but she would be going ahead of our group. I was somewhat disheartened at not going with Akali, I wanted to learn from her as she was considered one of the most knowledgeable assassins around.

"Irelia will take care of you," she said to me, knowing my disappointment, something I had become rather accustomed to over the years, "she probably has more to teach you than I do." I chewed on the thought, it went both ways, I'd probably just be a burden on the rest of the scouts if I went with them, how would I help them anyway. I had never actually met Irelia until when the groups were assembled that day, I had heard quite a bit about her, but rarely summoned her. I had been told there were better choices, my experiences agreed with this.

The courtyard outside the headquarters was used as the assembly area, before even coming through the archway that was the main entrance I could hear the commotion that went on inside The Inner Wall. At the gate there were several armed soldiers that had been already finished their briefing going out, they wore thin armour and carried light bows and swords. Just inside there were still several buildings on the sides of the street before the courtyard, several had supplies stacked next to them, mostly food, which the storm had likely made inedible in the affected areas.

The plaza itself was quite expansive, its length just enough to not be able to clearly recognize someone on the other end. It was quite full of people, several parties of soldiers heading out from the barracks at the other end. However, the majority of people there were being briefed for their rescue parties, all in all a few thousand. Most people were talking relatively loudly, enough to make normal conversation rather hard, but not enough to make necessitate shouting. I headed to the front of the institute headquarters, where I found most of my group ready. Irelia stood tall in front of the rest of the boys, her assistant, a rather scruffy looking Freljordian looking over a list next to her. I walked over to him to tell him I was ready.

"Gilion, there we go," he grumbled, scribbling something on his notepad. "Nice to meet you young lad." He continued, shaking my hand. I went to the back of the group and waited, looking around at the people around me who were busy making preparations or being instructed on their tasks. Soon enough my eyes found their way back to Irelia, she was talking to one of the generals, her Mantle floating, shivering almost impatiently above her head. She wore her usual armour, a light suite couloured in red and white, but like most of the other adults around, she didn't have her blades with her, it was rare that high ranked officials carried their weapons inside the town. She had straight, dark hair which contrasted rather sharply next to her light skin. Her body was slender, not nearly as muscular as most of the other soldiers, actually hardly any more substantial than my own, yet she had an air of power and awe around her, this in particular intriguing me.

"Alright chaps," the assistant called out after the last boy had arrived, "let's head out." We followed him out of the courtyard, Irelia disappearing in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Name's John Price." he bellowed, responding to one of the other boys question as we made our way down the road. "I'd prefer if ya called me Price or Lieutenant Price, or just Lieutenant, whichever ya prefer." He had a thick accent, probably somewhere in between a Bilgewater, and a South-Freljordian one.*

We stopped at an inn a few miles out of town, where we were supposed to wait for Irelia. She showed up only a few minutes after us, now her four blades hovering at her side. Their size was quite astounding, but more so was how effortlessly they glided along. I was impressed.

"Stay sharp," she told us as we set off again.

We walked at a decent pace, rarely being passed by others, those who did were almost only on horseback.

Cavalry scouts.

While the rest of the group spent their time talking about typical things a teenage boy would talk about, weapons, sword fighting, girls... They seemed pretty happy to walk, and even at the end of the day I had not noticed anyone complaining about how far we had made it. Being more quiet, I stayed out of these conversations, thinking about whatever came to my mind, which most of the time was speculating about the damage the storm had done. Hence, I walked at the back of the group, out of everyone else's way, and in a position I'd avoid drawing attention to myself.

That night we spent in a blockhouse along the road, these buildings were usually meant to house troops patrolling the area, but this was not necessary any more as the threat of the Noxian invasion had receded. The house was not particularly comfortable or welcoming, but it served its purpose.

* * *

As we made our way along the road the next day, evidence of the storm started appearing, first branches of trees, the whole trees, still green leaved lying uprooted beside the road. The trees had been cleared from the road the other day, many lying cut in half at the point where they crossed its path. However only the weaker trees and those that were in exposed areas had fallen, the vast majority still left standing. The tall mountains, their peaks capped in white snow, rose to the left, a few smaller ones on the right.

The next blockhouse we passed was being repaired, part of the roof and some windows had been damaged. We waited outside while Irelia went in to report to the officer, all the parties had to do this as a safety precaution in the case something bad happened to a group.

We spent that night at the next blockhouse, this one stood in the shelter of the valley, near the base, just next to where a massive chunk of solid rock jutted out from the mountainside. Several trees lay in the river below, still green leaves on them.

The third day, we started off again, we passed out of the mountains into a landscape of rolling hills, almost entirely blanketed by a yellowing forest. At the far edge of the trees, there was a peninsula that led north-westwards, to the Freljord, and a bay with the coast continuing southward, until it was obscured by the slowly rising terrain. Our vision was only limited by the horizon and a few patches of fog that lay over the forest, all the landscape lying crystal clear in front of us, the ocean glittering slightly in the morning sun. A warm breeze blew in from the south-west, carrying a few scattered clouds off to our right, just strong enough to make the dry leaves in the trees crackle. As we continued along the road, which pounced and slithered over and around the fells, the land and air became more moist, it must have rained again in these parts since the storm.

Late that afternoon saw an orange glow appear, just above the colouring trees, to the west, almost straight in the direction we were heading. It was no more brilliant than a bright star or planet and it appeared not far from where the sun was about to set making it almost impossible to discern. What gave it away was that the source appeared to rise slowly, becoming slightly more intense, before going out abruptly. I looked at the rest of the group; no one seemed to have noticed other than Irelia, who, to the surprise of the rest, brought us to a halt.

"Down and quiet," she commanded in a low tone, raising her right fist. She was listening for the source of the light. I remembered my dad doing the same when we saw a blue light, which behaved in a surprisingly similar fashion, one night in the Freljord. He told me many flares make a distinct sound when they were fired, it was the best way to confirm the source to be a flare, also functioning as a secondary means of attracting attention. Expecting the same I turned my head slightly to the left of where the light had been and slowed my breath. A few seconds later, through a slight rustle in the trees, the sound came, a slight hiss as the flare burned. Irelia's blades quivered ever so slightly. Then, the faintest of pops as the flare went out. As my attention shifted away from the sound I realized I was staring at Irelia, who now was staring back at me, I lowered my head and looked away, ashamed of myself.

As I glanced back at her, having dismissed the rest of the group she beckoned me over, I obeyed. Standing in front of her, she peered deep into my eyes. I looked back, hers light brown, intense beams of vision, holding enough power to strike fear into even the most seasoned of warriors. She was thinking; I broke the stare.

"Sharp eyes," she whispered, her tone lacking its usual authority. "Your ears even more remarkable." I looked back up at her, cocking my head to the side, I wasn't really sure what to make of her. "I need more of those," she finished, signalling the rest of the group to come back off the clearing they had gone to entertain themselves on. Price huffed up beside her after counting the rest of the group, and after a short exchange we were walking again, Irelia at her usual spot in the front, me now flanking her, and the Lieutenant bringing up the rear.

I started thinking about the flare again. I knew around where on the road we were, from that it seemed the source was the next town down the road, at the corner of the bay and the peninsula. Judging by the delay of the sound it was around 3 miles away. The village was called Palaroth, it was famous for being the trading hub of the region, likely to have a generous quantity of valuables, after a heavy storm a prime target for rebels who usually dared not venture into Ionia.

"Rebels?" I asked the warrior.

"My guess too."

We walked another mile along the road before stopping again, the Lieutenant taking my pack and the rest of the group further along the road. I kept only my cloak and the short black dagger in its sheath. As soon as they left Irelia signaled to me.

Staying close behind her, we cut slightly southward across several grassy fields, the moist ground soft beneath my boots. Around the rows that marked their edges we weaved around fallen branches. It was getting dark, the sun just disappearing over the south-west skies, it left an orange tinge in the sky, covering a good half of the it. The air was cooling quickly, occasional drafts of chill crossing our track.

Passing a dark, for now seemingly unoccupied farmhouse, we passed over a trail and into a forest, this one of fir trees, dark and damp. The young warrior seemed pretty familiar with the area, she moved swiftly and surely, I almost had trouble keeping behind her. Pretty soon we got to an embankment which we climbed, stopping just below the top, peeking out over the road. This one leading from Palaroth, towards the right, to the south. It was deserted, littered with the limbs of trees, a small guardhouse, also empty stood a few hundred paces up the road. I was starting to get nervous from the waiting, even if it was hardly lasting a few tens of seconds.

"What's the plan?" I whispered.

"I'm guessing they landed to the south," she replied, slowly at first. "We'll have a chance at cutting them off to the west of the road, or at least pick up on their trail. There are only two paths that lead to that part of the beach from town." I followed her across the road, into the woods on the other side, this one a mix of deciduous and pines, cool in the shade of the evening and still very moist. I found Irelia's steps ever so delicately placed, I quieted mine, trying my best to match hers. I was out of practice; here and there treading on a stray twig, or making my footfall just a tad too heavily.

A few hundred paces further we found a path, a mess of tracks in the otherwise clean mud that had been left behind the storm. Upon closer inspection i found they all pointed to the right, towards the town. I felt Irelia tense, her blades twitching lightly.

"Find a place to hide," she whispered in my ear, "I'll go to the other path, whistle is the signal; come quickly and quietly." Finishing the sentence she disappeared hurriedly into the trees across the track, completely quiet.

I gulped; then blinked.

Looking around I found a well leaved Alder, its brown flowers lying scattered on the forest floor around it. I pulled myself up its thick trunk to where it split in two at the height of my head. The wood smelled fresh, clean, moist, it was cool to the touch, near the bottom covered in some moss, but as I made my way up the sturdy branches the bark unsoiled bark was surprisingly easy to grip. I decided to take my position half way up the tree, i could see roughly where the path was through the foliage, the other trees being largely leafless helped. It was surprisingly humid; I made out the outlines of some clouds moving in from the south. _Rain? _This was the wettest part of Ionia.

I made myself comfortable by standing with one leg where a branch parted from the trunk which I leaned against. Then I took a deep breath before shallowing it to inaudibility and waiting.

I heard the waves, faint and distant, the occasional rustle of the trees in the breeze. Then, from the north, a muted chatter followed by heavy footsteps, boots, on the ground. The noise was veering slowly to the left, coming only slightly closer; they were on the other path. Without even thinking I started lowering myself from my perch, quietly and carefully placing my feet on the branches below me. I admired how quickly and accurately I moved. _I've still got the hang of this eh?_

I reached the bottom of the tree, where I descended onto one of the roots which stuck out sideways from the base of the tree, partly above the ground. Catching my breath I listened, still there was a chatter, now it was almost directly perpendicular to the path. Swiftly I started across the forest floor towards the source of the sound, as quietly and almost as quickly as Irelia had done mere minutes earlier.

With only a few paces taken towards my goal I heard her whistle, a quick high pitched tone, maybe a few hundred feet, almost straight ahead of me. I pressed on, still silent as death.

The fight broke out only just afterwards; a grunt before several screams from the rebels, swords clashing, metal on metal. A cry as one charged before being smote down in his tracks. It kept going. _How many were there?_

Through the distant racket I kept looking around, paying attention as to let nothing catch me by surprise. Sweeping my vision over to the right, I saw a short figure, a mere 40 yards or so away. He held a heavy sack over his shoulder, his back bent forward under the weight. His pace was slow and he was looking over towards where the fight had broken out. Without hesitating I pressed on and stopped where he would cross my path. After peeking around a wide oak, I resolved to try to ambush him.

Positioning myself on the roots, with my back against the rough but moist bark, I halted, ready for my next move. Again, slowing my breath, I entered my state of absolute alertness. I heard him muttering a strange tongue; the paces he took were heavy, but relatively quiet, especially compared to the big rabble the rest of the rebels had made. I was in luck; the steps came closer, towards the tree. He rustled the leaves as he walked. I silently readied my short, black dagger in my right hand, the same assassins blade I carried ever since a friend of my father gave it to me, I was only six at the time, and didn't have much use for it. But, today I would be drawing my first blood with it. I shivered at the thought.

I felt the tree shudder ever so slightly as the rebel stepped on a root to my right. Just a moment later I swung my arm out to the side, the blade slicing the air ahead of my hand.

The blade sunk, like knife through butter, into his flesh. He screamed, slowly turning into a gurgle as the body fell to the ground, I let go of the dagger, its hilt hitting the ground first with a distinctive knock of wood on wood. I breathed in deeply and froze. _What had I just done? _Then the deathly silence around me was broken by the softest of footsteps, again coming from behind the tree. Ten paces or so to the source, but they closed in quickly, then, like me, froze in their path.

I blinked, still completely silent.

"Who goes there?" A voiced whispered, my mind raced through my memories of people I had heard, as it if it had forgotten everything.

"A-Akali?" I managed to stammer, the words somehow finding their way out of me, I had never intended to say a thing.

In the blink of an eye I was pinned up against the tree, the tip of a kama ever so slightly pricking my neck. I closed my eyes.

Then, as quickly as I was trapped, she released me. Limp in terror, I let my body drop on the roots below me.

Pulling me back into a sitting position, I opened my eyes to find Akali, her face mask now hanging around her neck, tired, worn, splats of blood on her. Her turquoise eyes bore down into me, we both sat there, speechless, breathing heavily.

"Are you ok?" She said, finally breaking the silence.

"I guess," I mumbled, nodding slightly as to make the point a tad more clear.

"I'm sorry for startling you, i scared myself even more." She sighed, tears welling in her eyes. "Thank god you're fine." I buried my head in her chest, the slender assassin holding me tightly. She was warm, clearly fresh from a recent fight, the smell of battle still clear around her. And again, I heard footsteps.

"Shhh." Akali froze, picking up the sound too. The steps were quiet, accurately placed, but just loud enough to hear.

"Stay here," the assassin muttered, jumping up, ready to meet the threat. She slowly looked around.

Right then, in a flash of white, red, and black Irelia jumped out from the twilight gloom. Letting forth a cry of battle, she dove atop the smaller assassin, the two rolling over each other twice before coming to a halt a good distance away from me, the much larger warrior ending up on top of Akali.

"Caught off guard?" She muttered, chuckling to herself. "Zed wouldn't be too impressed." I was still sitting on the roots of the tree, I cocked my head to one side, looking at the two stare each other down, they were both covered in the results of the previous clashes. I let out a light laugh, Irelia heard it.

"I had been waiting for you," she said to the assassing, giggling, seeming to have lost all of her age. "Wait a second." She continued, getting up, then helping the younger girl to her feet. "Whose is this?" Irelia asked, referring to the body that lay a few meters away from my side. She brushed the dry leaves off her suit.

"Would have been mine," Akali muttered, her tone filled with frustration.

"So he makes a better assassin than you."

"I beat her to it." I stated, simply; trying my best to pass off the glowing pride in me. Irelia giggled.

"Well, glad you two are ok," she sighed. "This was the last band right?" She asked Akali, receiving a nod as a confirmation. The warrior was inspecting the body, she turned it over.

"Pretty clean hit," she complimented, pulling the blade, covered in blood, out of the body. It had gone in just off center, under the shoulder. I stood across from her, looking down at my kill. "Not bad for your first blood." She said, tossing the little dagger, catching it by the tip. I took it by the hilt which pointed at me and sheathed it. Irelia picked up the pack, hoisted it over her shoulders and nodded for us to follow her.

The smell of blood grew stronger as we walked, coming around a bush we opened out into a clearing.

Akali gasped.

"You should be dead." she stammered. I blinked and recounted the bodies, eight they were, all lying motionless with a weapon next to them. There were a few sacks that lay along the path which ran through the middle of the clearing.

"Just doing my job," Irelia replied, indifferent. She pointed me to a smallish bag that lay at the northern end of the clearing, then directed Akali, who had gone over to inspect the bodies, to another pack. I hopped over a two-bladed battle-axe and picked up the bag, it was pretty heavy for its size, I wanted to see what was inside, but it was tied. There was a clinking of metal when I moved it. _Maybe tools?_ I thought to myself.

"This way," The warrior said, Akali and I following her up the path back to Palaroth. The two women soon found themselves in a conversation about each of their ordeals of the last few days, I tuned in when they reached the rebels.

"Seventeen they were, all armed." Akali explained, "we arrived five hours past noon, the blockhouse at Rumoi advised us against taking the shortcut across the mountains as we intended to be going further southward today. They said there were sightings of rebel ships from the Peninsula. We arrived in Palaroth to find two guards dead infront of the warehouse, the third was nowhere to be found. The few people who had stayed in the village dared not show themselves. We were basically alone, the five of us. Assuming it was a smallish group we went inside, it was quiet, I grew more nervous as we lead towards the rear end of the building, it was too quiet. Just as we resolved to turn around and re-plan they jumped us. We managed to take down eight of them, but Robert fell and the two brothers were injured. I had Ned go report to the blockhouse while I tracked behind the others to see if I could do something. You know it from there."

Irelia was clearly frustrated. "I can't count how many times I told them to increase the patrols in the autumn, every time I got the same answer, nothing. The commander will be in a great mood when he hears about this."

Avoiding the center of town, we cut across a field towards the blockhouse, its lights bright in the twilight gloom.

"Put the bags in the store house for now." she instructed as she went inside. After we had done so, Akali and I went inside to find Irelia in a heated discussion with several of the staff, Price among them.

"Go clean yourself," Akali told me, taking a seat next to Irelia.

Irelia turned around, "Your pack is upstairs next to the bathroom." I nodded and ran off.

The shower was hot, the steam of the water rising quickly to the top of the bathroom, soon enough filling the whole room with a dense fog. My long, shaggy hair draped down to my shoulders under the weight of the water, the blood on my arm turning the water a slight red. That stain was easy to wash off, however there was another one I would never be able to clean.

* * *

***Best approximated by a (strong) Scottish accent.**


	5. And Back Again

**Chapter 4 - ...And Back Again**

I came out of the shower room to find Irelia standing a little way down the hallway leaning against the wall, she looked a bit uncomfortable, nervous; maybe something was troubling her.

"Can I," she started, hesitating as if she wasn't sure what to say next, "Ask a favour from you?"

"I guess." I grumbled, I wasn't used to being asked for help, but I did like making myself useful.

"Would you mind riding back to The Institute to relay a message for me?" I enjoyed riding, so it was a hard request to decline, but I felt a little unsure about going the 90 or so miles alone.

"I guess, when would I leave?" I asked back.

"That's what I'm not so sure about, I'd prefer if you left tonight, an hour or so after the moon rises." That just made it harder. I didn't want to disappoint Irelia and say no, or lose the opportunity to prove myself. But I had never gone so far, especially not at night. It also felt like an honour for me, to be asked by the Captain of the Ionian Guard to deliver a message.

"You are tired, I don't want to burden you with more work today." She started right as I wrapped up my thoughts.

"No," I said quietly, "I'll go." I didn't want to feel useless or be disappointed about my decision later. Irelia looked me in the eyes as if studying them to see whether I really could do it. The gaze of her light brown eyes warm and gentle, yet deep and filled with this energy I could not quite trace.

"If you want to," she concluded with a bit of a sigh.

I followed her outside; it was dark now, stars feebly twinkling through the patchy cloud cover. My wet hair felt cold and the thin shirt I wore wasn't enough to keep me from shivering slightly.

"Moon'll be up in a few hours, it will probably be too dark to leave until then." We went back inside to an office, and at her direction I sat down in an arm chair. She closed the door and picked her blade up from a stand next to it. After pacing gently around the room for a few moments she stopped in front of me. "I need to get the news of what happened here with the rebels back to the Institute," she paused, polishing the gleaming metal. It reflected flashes of orange from the fire all over the room, the light seeming to dance around us. Her hesitation was followed by a few moments of what appeared to be deep thought and indecision, it was strange, as for the most part of the day she had seemed very quick and more resolute in her decisions. "Tell Kayle," she started again, finally making up her mind, "she'll know what to do."

I nodded. She poured some water in the glasses that stood on the table between us, we both finished them in one go.

"You'll want to catch a wink before you leave, take the sofa if you don't want to go to the bunk room. It's warmer in here."

I got up and took off my boots before sitting on the end of the sofa which stood closest to the fire. It was not warm, it was hot. Irelia handed me a thin blanket, which I drew over me as I lay down, my head away from the heat. My drowsiness showed as, slowly, my eyes closed, opening shortly to see Akali peering in through the door, her soft, comforting face being the last thing I saw before falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Wake up young venator," Irelia whispered, jogging my legs. I woke to find her sitting on the other end of the sofa, myself finding it hard to keep my eyes off her warm, almost sleepy expression. I sighed, feeling tired, more so than when I had fell asleep, so much that it took me a while to notice how Irelia seemed to be studying me, looking at me for something. _Awkward_. I thought, but the look she had on her face was more of friendly curiosity than of intrusion. The fire burned low, coals glowing orange and red, filling the room in a rather cozy hue.

"Still sure about it?" She asked at length, her voice was again that of the Captain, full of authority. I nodded, finally getting off the sofa. Once standing I stretched my neck and legs, they ached pretty terribly.

"I'll be fine," I lied, to be honest I felt like absolute garbage. But, my mind, coming to life at last, started clouding; I found it hard to think. Maybe I was driven to simply have time by myself to think.

"Your guide awaits you," she said, now silhouetted against the moonlight that came through the window. "Go wash your face, it'll wake you up." I yawned as she proceeded out of the room. "Find me in the kitchen."

My face chilled and my hair now draped down past my shoulders, I found her as she had said. She tossed me a small packet, scout's bread judging by the smell. Hardly the most tasteful food I could have, but certainly the easiest for me to carry. I followed her outside, both of us grabbing our dark cloaks on the way. I put the packet in the inside pocket.

Outside it was cold, the air almost freezing my face. It was dark, the sky clear, lit by uncountable stars, many laid out in a long belt that crossed the sky from east to west. The moon hung over the south-eastern mountains, casting long, grey shadows across the fields. Around the south and east the mountains loomed, dark watchers under the night sky, their tips coated in white. Yet, the air smelt moist, a tad heavy, another rainy day lay ahead. We went around the side and into the stables, the tall doors wide open. Inside it reeked of the animals, the air slightly warmer but intensely heavy.

Irelia led me over to a tall white horse, the stable-master just finishing mounting the saddle.

"Rover" she said, half directed at me, half directed at the horse. The beast sniffed her face, letting the warrior caress him gently. "Zelos' old horse, from back when he was in the cavalry." I nodded, stroking him lightly behind his ears. I let him sniff me as I moved around in front of him to his left side. Setting my foot in the stirrup, I pulled myself up, tossed the tail of my cloak over, and made myself comfortable. Irelia and the stablemaster stood back as I took the reins, jogging them ever so slightly to set him off. I pulled him around the warrior on the right, then around the man on the left.

"Good?" she asked. I nodded, then paused. Akali burst in.

She ran up to the horse, throwing her arms around me trying to embrace me, a rather pathetic attempt as her shoulders barely got past my waist. I pushed her back and hopped off the horse. She again threw her arms around me, almost pushing me to the floor. So warm she was, her chest tight against mine, the soft skin of her fingers around the back of my neck.

"Oh, Gilion," she whispered in my ear, between sobs. "You grow too fast." I felt a tear welling in my eye as one of hers dropped onto my shoulder. "So clearly I still remember the day I first met you, barely a year old. All those times I waved you off to your adventures, all those times I waited on the watchtower to see you and your father proudly return. Then the time you came back alone." Only the last I myself remembered, how I saw her face transform from her happiness to see me back to the grief that my father had died. Nine years old I was, Akali twelve. The days and nights we spent next to each other weeping and mourning our loss. My father had taught Akali as much as he taught me, both no less than Akali's mother had taught us. The next year my mother passed away, grief sweeping her out of my grasp, leaving me stranded, not knowing where to go.

I pushed the thought aside, tears now rolling down my cheeks.

"Whatever you do, please don't do anything stupid." she sobbed, breaking our embrace. I nodded as she held me at arm's length. At length she sighed, hugging me again. She again pressed me against her warm body, it tingled. I was reminded of how, in the past she always said I felt so cold, she said it was a good contrast to herself. Once she had asked me why I was always cold compared to others, it was a question I knew not the answer to.

I breathed in heavily as we let go of each other. Me then turning to Irelia who had stood next to us watching. We looked each other in the eyes for a few moments; she was visibly holding back her emotions and tears. After using up the last of her effort in maintaining her un-revealing posture she gave in and with a tad of hesitation embraced me.

With my head buried in her chest, I realized I was barely as tall as her shoulders. I sniffed. She was even warmer than Akali, and the feeling of her skin on my cheek on top of her arms at my neck sent shivers all around my body, a strange feeling I had never met before. I could feel her heart beating, its pace picking up ever so slightly. My own drove itself up my neck, pounding viciously along the way. Distancing ourselves slightly she kissed me on the cheek, then placing our foreheads against each other, letting our noses brush against each other. Her eyes captured mine for the slightest moment before sending mine running timidly and making my cheeks burn.

Moving her hands to my shoulders she kissed me gently on the forehead. I blushed furiously, earning a curious smile from the Ionian, but her cheeks betrayed her bashfulness. I swore I would have giggled like a girl had I let myself any more slack in my composure. Thankfully, she pulled me into another embrace, letting my head rest over the warmest spot of her chest; just beneath her chin. Her caring hold made me feel safe, dear; just so comforting.

"Thank you," I breathed. She drew her hand down the curly and slightly tangled hair on my back.

"No," she replied, whispering. She took a deep breath. "Thank you." We parted our bodies once more, leaving only our hands touching; her left hand on my right, fingers lined up. Mine were surprisingly long, only just surpassed by hers. So warm they felt, so soft too. I pushed my fingers between hers, locking our hands together, inciting a warm smile from the beautiful warrior, her long black hair glinting ever so slightly in the torch light. I smiled back.

I sighed again, and letting go of her, climbed back on the horse, this time feeling half warm, but also a bit sad. I'd have liked to stay longer and find what had so suddenly sparked between us, but I had business to do I was going to stick with it. Fiddling with my cloak and comforting myself in the saddle I took the reins. Akali now stood on the left, Irelia still on my right.

"Stay safe," she whispered. I winked at her, greeted again by that smile that sent my heart pounding. She brought her hood over her head, covering herself in a veil of shadow only my sharp eyes could see through. Akali, even without a cover, looked similarly shaded. _Bye sister, _I closed my eyes, _See you when you get home. _And with that I shuffled the reins and Rover jumped instantly into a light trot. Through the wide open stable doors we went, I nodded at the stable master who stood next to them and rode out into the night.

I never even looked back.

* * *

Turning onto the road I took a deep breath of the cool, moist air and tapping the horse with my talons I set him into a steady gallop. The cold wind blew in my face, so fresh, so cleansing. My long hair waved out behind me, leaving my ears chilled, they usually remained covered by the long curls, especially in the winter. _95 miles_, I thought to myself, eight or nine hours until the moon sets. I reckoned I could get along at around ten miles an hour. Dawn would arrive at about six, so I'd arrive back at the institute around sunrise.

I looked at the sky; it would have been pitch black if it were not for the countless stars that spotted it, most of which formed the Milky Way, a grey-white band stretching across the sky from behind to in front of me. There the moon rose, flooding the rest of the landscape in a cold, grey glow. Through gaps in the trees the mountains to the south peeked, the ones to the east just surpassing the height of the foliage, slowly growing, looming up in front of us.

Rover made a steady pace, his hooves setting a constant beat, reminding me of an old song I had heard when I was younger; its name lost from my mind.

It was an April morning, when they told us we should go  
And as I turned to you, you smiled at me  
How could we say no  
Oh all the fun to have  
To live the dreams we always had  
Oh the songs to sing  
When we, at last return again

"April," I muttered. It was annoying as I didn't really have anything to look forward to when I got home. It felt like I had run out. Run out of books to read, charts to study, strategies to learn. Maybe it was me. Maybe I had run out of space in my mind, run out of power to think. Life looked dull, as if I was one to observe, to sit by the sidelines while everyone else made themselves happy, while everyone else made themselves proud.

The road started its winding course through the foothills, the mountains in front growing ever taller, the snow-clad peaks shining white in the face of the moon. The forest still stood dense as far as the eye could see, the densely packed trees creating a black void on either side of the roads.

Maybe there was something I had, Irelia, I saw her delicate smile, her smooth black hair, her silky skin. A strange attraction I felt to it. I never really enjoyed being around other people, with only very few exceptions. Maybe it was my fault that I was bored and lonely, maybe I didn't try to make friends; I had never particularly been interested in doing so. But Irelia was different. Typically, she seemed to be a leader, one of authority, but it was almost like that was a shell and that very shell she had let me through. Inside was the quiet, tender warrior with the deep, thoughtful eyes I had in front of me less than an hour ago. The thought of leaving her behind was almost frightening.

As the road followed into a valley the mountains rose to either side, thousands of feet in height. The valley walls were covered in what seemed like, judging by their triangular shadows, pine trees. They further emphasized the steepness of the valley walls as the base of each tree was among the tips of the ones in front of it. The road on the other hand was rather flat, climbing slowly, opposing the river's descent. Apart from the rushing water there was practically complete silence, only occasionally interrupted by the call of several owls and the clatter of Rover's hooves. I slowed him back to a trot.

I remembered Irelia guiding me through the forest, then letting me figure myself out when we came across the path. It reminded me so much of my father, they both seemed to know what I was capable of, and they both made me use what I knew. A sense of nostalgia took over me as I thought of the things mastered. Those things which I could do proudly, things that few other people knew how to do. But rather annoyingly, I was rarely in a position to use my skills, apart from very few occasions they felt rather useless, redundant.

I wanted to spend more time with Irelia, she seemed to appreciate my help, something more gratifying than the simple fact that I was able to put myself to good use around her. Usually children my age were not included in the activities of the institute, most of the time they were not helpful. That had made it very hard for me to find something to do after my father died, in finding Irelia I seemed to have stumbled across an exception.

Then I recalled the odd sequence of events that had been our parting. So many crossings of our eyes, glances I couldn't exactly be certain of, emotions I was unsure about. Confusing, I liked her, but I wasn't sure if it was as a friend, it felt like more, but I didn't know if it was good for it to be more. Fourteen years I had lived, hardly a man, and less did I act like it, seven years separated us. But, was she conveying her feelings to me? Unthinkable, she was not my age.

The valley narrowed and the walls grew into great stony cliffs on either side, the road now right beside the river bed. Turning a corner I passed the blockhouse, this was the last one on this side of the pass. I was greeted into the upper reaches of the gorge by a wintery wind that came down from the mountains above, the air could not have been much over freezing. The narrow cut opened itself out again to reveal the pass ahead. I drew my cloak tight around me, lowered my hood and leaned into the climb.

"Up we go," I muttered to Rover. He snorted, putting up a stiff trot along the now narrower path.

I chuckled to myself at the thought of having stolen a kill from Akali. Despite her young age, only eighteen, she was a well-known assassin. But there was a strange feeling that accompanied the pride; I had taken the life of someone. It felt wrong to do so, especially considering how I had it happen to people close to me and how depressing it was. It was not something I wanted other people to have to go through, be it in the name of justice or not.

In the absence of the heat of the sun, the cold air seemed to roll off the mountains, almost like water it was, trying to find the quickest way off the slopes. The heavy air descended in what was actually quite a stiff breeze, one I marveled at, it was the same force that drove all the weather in the world, just the simple heating and cooling of the air.

Akali herself was actually quite similar to the unmasked Irelia that had thanked me earlier in the night. Rather secluded she too was, especially since her mother's death, quite quiet and pensive. It had made her more thoughtful, more shaded. Yet, she kept it apart from her job, which was a position of undoubtedly less authority than Irelia's, but one that required equal dedication and practice. I admired how quickly yet quietly she moved; her stealth a skill she had perfected over the years.

Akali was a sister to me, I trusted her. This trust coming aside the fact that she protected me, she took care of me. She knew I was weak, I could not live by myself, and like her mother she held me under her wing. Almost like a duty passed from mother to daughter. The last thing I wanted to have her deal with was a dead me, it would break her. I had slept in her bed many nights after I had tried to kill myself, and all I could recall from it was the tight grasp of her thin, warm arms on me and the soft words that she uttered. "Don't leave me."

It made sense how reluctant to see me go off alone she was. Had she not been clouded by worry, she would, like Irelia, have thought me more than capable of riding for a night. I never went far from the institute for the same reason, it made her worried. I knew as well as her the dangers of lone venture. It was why, despite the common saying of _Ninjas Work Best Alone_, it was very unusual not to have assassins and scouts work in pairs. One could always watch the other's back.

The road climbed up to the end of the valley, this was marked by a cliff, several hundred feet high, the pass at the top. At the base of the wall the road curved to the right and continued up along the side of the mountain. Patches of snow shone white in contrast to the silver-grey rock around. In the gloom the patches of bracken and small brush were hard to distinguish among the stones. The river had forked off to the right further below the valley head. At this point only a few paces across, it glinted in the moonlight further down the slope. The road climbed steeper than the water.

After climbing rightwards along the mountainside for a mile the path turned back, still climbing, now in the other direction. From the bend, looking up the valley which extended to the south, I could make out the white ice of the glacier that fed the river below. In the day time it echoed thunder among the hills as house-sized chunks of ice and snow detached from the flow and crashed down to the valley floor. In the cold nights this happened less, especially during the autumn and winter. The ice melted slower and stayed strong enough to hold on until the next day, by when it would be pushed down the valley by the ice behind it, and fall off the glacier.

This glacier was not particularly remarkable, if anything it was small, especially compared to the mile-high walls of ice in the Freljord. I remembered one place my father had camped with me many times, a valley named Torden Haven, thunder haven in the old tongue. Aptly named, for it was almost impossible to sleep there, as day and night huge chunks of ice came loose from the glacier a few miles up the valley. The bottom of the glacier was marked by a small drop in the valley floor, as the ice was pushed over the edge of the step it crashed into the lake below. The sheer dimensions of the ice flow causing the rumble to be almost continuous as one could see big blocks of it detach. From at the camp, which was an excellent viewing point of the glacier, one could see its full size from side to side and its immense height, I once counted 10 pieces to have fallen off in a minute.

Turning the bend I faced the pass ahead. The road continued sideways along the hillside, reaching the top of the cliff which marked the pass and disappearing over the other side. I stopped at the top and pulled a piece of bread out of my pocket and shoved it into my mouth with a slightly numb hand. From my perch, two miles above the ocean, I looked to the left, down the valley I had come up. The sea glinted in the distance, a grey shimmer. To the south-west clouds were rolling in, seemingly skimming above the ground. They were not particularly thick, just a layer to coat the landscape, a dull whitish glow, similar to the snow that capped the nearby peaks. To the east the terrain was more mountainous, northward bordered by the valleys leading straight into the ocean, the crags followed up into a maze of hills and dales, one of which the institute was in. The forests on this side were thicker and dark-leaved, almost black, even in the full moon.

The moon was two thirds of the way across the sky. Forty straight miles of trotting and galloping, three hours, a remarkable horse Rover indeed was. He hardly seemed bothered by the journey. The descent would be harder, on this side of the pass the valleys were steeper and the road more windy, I had enough time to do it without having to rush down.

Pulling my cloak around me again, shutting the cold out from my thin shirt, I nudged the beast into a slow walk and set down the other side.

* * *

With a now warm sense of nostalgia brought on by the memories of my father, I sighed heavily and took a deep breath of the thin, chilly air. The road wound its way along the eastern flank of the ridge, in a southerly direction, facing the taller, white-tipped, mountains that lay at the heart of Ionia. On the left, across the valley, was another ridge in which an almost perfectly U-shaped gap was cut, the exit a glacier once took out of the highlands. From the hillside, hundreds of feet above, I could see the road and a small river make their own descent, following the long gone ice downward.

Reaching the valley floor a mile or so to the south, the path arched back around, crossed a small, stone bridge, and followed the water downhill. As I turned rightwards, down, through the gap in the ridge, looking back I saw the top of the pass, easily several thousand feet above me now. The air here was slightly warmer, but still, the stubborn evening breeze blew down the mountains.

I remembered my father, how he had always been ready to explain anything to me. "One does not simply ask too many questions, only too few," he always said. It was more or less true, for often his answers came indirectly. He would give hints and clues which would point towards the answer, and a little bit of thinking on your part would get you there. More satisfying it was, to find the answer yourself rather than being told it directly. But, I felt uncomfortable asking questions to other people, I was scared they would make fun of either my curiosity or the fact that I needed help.

Probably the worst part of losing my parents was the fact that they knew me better than anyone else. I always felt different, apart. I was never popular; it was not something I really cared about for I could busy myself with other things. But, I had started to realize how that had rested heavily on my parents. Other people could take care of me, other people could teach me, but no one would understand me as well as my parents. Akali's mother was the closest anyone had come. Irelia I suddenly realized did too. Again I found myself in a conflict of whether to have left or not, maybe I'd ask her something when she was finished working, but knowing myself I never knew how to approach people, I always waited to be approached.

I heard a wolf call in the distance. As another gap in the hills opened up to the right, the road forked, a blockhouse standing dark at the junction. I took the path to the right, crossing a small brook then climbing up the steep valley along the left, eastern flank. The trees became thicker, hiding the mountaintops above and the small stream below. Turning leftwards it passed over the ridge into the next valley where the road clung tightly to the right wall. It stayed level until the ridge made its way down to equal height, where the path started its descent.

The characteristic smell of the forest hung in the air again and dew glinted on some of the leaves. It was very calm here, the light breeze too weak to incite a rustle from the leaves, the fresh air simply hung still between the trees. I pulled the packet out of my pocket and took another bite of the bread. Remarkable stuff it was, even if I was hardly one to feel hungry, what I brought was probably enough to last me a couple of days. As I placed it back in my cloak I yawned lengthily, reminding myself of how tired I actually was, it was becoming hard to focus properly. Also, I started feeling colder, my body beginning to lose its ability to keep warm, I could not do much more than sit on the back of the horse as he continued, unfaltering down the path.

The ridge abruptly dropped away into a steep gorge, only a hundred feet or so across, a bridge at least 6 riders wide spanning the gap. An interesting bridge it was, made of a dozen chain-like segments, linked together by flexible joints so the deck could move up and down, but not sideways. It gave lightly, shifting silently under the load of us passing over. I stopped Rover in the middle and looked up the canyon, the origin of a faint thunder: a waterfall that lay several miles upstream. A gust of chilly air came down the valley, bringing back memories of the Freljord.

I had a habit of facing the wind, when I stood with my father on the top of a high peak in the north, I looked into the wind, off into the distance. The views there were astounding, the air always crystal clear. Ionia had a tendency to be more hazy, thanks to the warmer and more humid weather. Also, the bright white features of the Freljordian landscape had a greater tendency to stand out than the usually softer green hues of the Ionian forests.

The ground rose a little across the gulley, then dropped steadily, leveling out into a heavily forested plateau, where I set Rover back into a gallop. The grey-green trees raced by on either side, I payed little heed to them, having my eyes fixed on the road ahead. We passed another blockhouse at a crossroads, from here it would be another 20 miles to The Institute, but the moon was already edging dangerously close to the horizon behind me. After going down a shallow slope, the road crossed another small stone bridge, I stopped in the clearing on the right side of the road and dismounted. The trees already shaded the stony river bed, and a large part of the grass patch in darkness, and what was not in the shadow was lit dimly in the grey gloom.

I started tying the horse to a tree, when I remembered what Irelia had said, I yawned, undoing my work. Leaving Rover to himself I went over to the stream and took a sip. The water was freezing cold, quite refreshing. I splashed some in my face before taking a seat on the roots of a tree that stood on the border of the grass and the stones. Yawning, I slumped further down and fell quickly into a deep, uneasy sleep, riddled with incoherent visions and memories, none of which seemed particularly connected or even significant.

* * *

A nudge on my head and a face full of warm, wet air woke me. It was still pretty dark, a slight blue starting to make its way into the eastern sky, around seven in the morning it was. The horse was still sniffing at me as I got up, I pushed him away lightly, receiving a snort in return. I was no less tired than when I had fallen asleep, I tried to remedy this with a splash of the cold water, but it didn't help too much. I checked Rover's saddle and climbed back on. The horse seemed a bit more jumpy now, more eager to get going, even if he already had been the previous night. On to the road I set him and he jumped quickly into a full on gallop. The wind blew my hood off and almost froze the water on my cheeks.

A thin mist floated around in the complete silence, drops of dew glinting on the leaves and branches. The air was fresh, much opposite from the grogginess I felt, but the two cancelled each other out to a certain extent. The wide road was relatively straight here, not having to busy itself winding around the sharper mountain terrain of before. It was a quick going, and in only a few minutes the hills started rising again.

The Blockhouse Inn stood proudly in the triangle that the junction formed, the white building tinted blue in the dawn light. Leaning into the bend Rover raced past. I pulled my hood back over my head, shading my face from unwelcome eyes, my hair draped down just next to my eyes helping too. A few people were already walking around on the road as I clattered through the gates. The guards, recognizing Rover, saluted as I passed.

I liked the town in the morning, it had a sleepy feel to it, most people refusing to show themselves before the sun rose, lacking the buzzing energy it usually had. Now was no different, the blue hue of the light was accompanied by an almost eery silence, only the few morning birds out of their houses.

The road lead straight into the square , the fountain at the middle, the rest of the expanse of pavement empty, apart from half a dozen people getting about their business. I pulled into the stables, the stable-master, one of the early folk, greeting us. He didn't keep me for long, knowing the urgency of my unmentioned business.

Across the courtyard I strode, I loosened my cloak a bit but kept my hood on. In through the open doors of the institute I went, Inside, the cool, morning air hung still, yet fresh among the walls. A few people stood around in the cavernous space that was the main hallway, my paces were quick but quiet, and none payed much heed to me as I passed by. Up to the back I went, going down the smaller hallway on the right. Several doors down, on the left was Kayle's office. I knocked on the door lightly.

"Come in," she called out in her deep voice. I pushed the door open slowly, with quite a bit of apprehension, peeking through the gap before stepping through. Inside the angel sat at her desk, on the other end of the relatively large room. An expression of surprise crossed her face as she looked up to find me.

"You're back a bit early," she said, "what's the news?"


	6. The Warmth of Home

**Chapter 5 - The Warmth of Home**

I had almost fallen asleep when Kayle came back out of the General's office.

"OK, that's that, let's go." She said, giving me a hand as we strode down the hallways of the barracks. I had expected to go straight to my bed after I had made my account of the previous day, but she had me stick with her as she sorted out her business. But, like here, I had been left out of the conversations, waiting in hallways to ponder, each time my thoughts somehow came back to the burning thought of having killed someone.

"What..." I started, interrupted instantly by the Judicator.

"...Am I keeping you by my side for?" she finished, stealing the words from my mouth, it was exactly what I had intended to ask her. "Well, apart from the fact that you look like absolute crap because you have been awake for almost 24 hours with but a few short winks in between, something is troubling you, and that troubles me." I knew what was coming, she usually pulled me into her office for a talk if she thought I was uncomfortable about something, something she had done at least once a month since I had tried to commit suicide. Outside we went, the sun was now shining down on some of the rooftops, the buildings casting long, cool shadows between them.

"And aside from that you're probably quite hungry too, and thirsty." she continued, a more or less accurate conjecture. I was not particularly hungry in the sense that I wanted to have food, but I was most certainly not full of food. Back into the halls of the institute we went, into her office.

"Take a seat," she said, directing me back to the sofa she had interrogated me on. Actually, that's not a fit word for what it was, a conversation it had been, Kayle as always, kind and comforting. She went off into a back room, presumably a small kitchen.

The Judicator had not asked me many questions, my explanation, though brief, had been clear and accurate. Apart from the fact that I left out me killing one of the rebels.

"No milk, no sugar? Right?" She called through the open door.

"No thanks," I answered getting back up and walking over to see if I could help her with anything. The kitchen was small, barely enough for two people to move around in. A kettle stood on the stove, just starting to steam. Seeing me walk in, she nodded over to two plates of apple pie that stood on the counter, it explained the rich smells that wafted around the small room. I took them out and set them on the coffee table in the office, she came through moments later with two mugs of steaming tea, and sat down on her elegant arm chair, across from the sofa, her rather scruffy wings occupying much of the space to her sides.

"Gilion," she started, letting out a long breath, "you know better than to keep things to yourself. What is it that bothers you?" One thing that definitely did bother me was how she always seemed to be able to read my thoughts. I never really liked to have my emotions and feelings be known by others, and for the most part I kept them to myself. But Kayle seemed to have a knack for knowing what I was thinking, maybe her age. Or maybe her title, she was The Judicator after all, and she had a fair share of experience at it.

She waited patiently, eyeing me as I chewed on, then swallowed a piece of the fresh pie, quite tasteful it was. Bright blue eyes, she had, piercing beams of light, only matching of her authority. Yet, her golden hair was rather messy, matching her wings. Taking advantage of the time I had, I started thinking on how I would explain what had happened last night. I decided to keep it simple and vague, and let Kayle find her way to the answer.

"Well, my account was a bit lacking," I started. The angel chuckled, so I decided against continuing my sentence.

"I realized that Gilion, otherwise I would have you at home sleeping by now." My plan fell apart at its first step, putting me back at square one.

"I drew first blood," I said, keeping my explanation simple. This however, was more interesting to her, her eyes widened ever so slightly, so little most people would not have noticed. She sat still, clearly in deep thought, meanwhile I scoffed a far-too-big piece of pie in my mouth, getting a little grin from her.

"Well," Kayle said, with another sigh. It was clearly something she had been trying to avoid, she knew why I would have trouble dealing with it. "Hard to be proud of it once you've done it and realize what it actually means to do, isn't it." She was right. Many other kids my age were always very enthusiastic about the idea. Although it seemed enticing to me at times, I knew enough to not be carried away by it. Yet, yesterday I did get carried away.

"There are things, bad things, that you will do in life," she continued, "In the end you are just going to have to put up with what happens and continue." She was right, there was not much I could do about it. On the bright side, it was a thing I could tick off on the 'things I have experienced' list.

We both sat for a while, looking each other over, as we ate the pie in silence, taking sips of the hot tea. We both didn't seem to be in much the mood for talking, the angel was in what seemed like a state of deep thought or internal conflict, and I was just too tired to want to talk. She was the first to break the silence.

"Irelia is quite fond of you, you know," she started. "She and Zelos were some of your fathers best students. He taught them a lot of what made them great, and she knows what you are capable of. Really a shame he died." I processed the thought. Dad would have been a good teacher for Irelia, she seemed like the kind of person that would learn from him. It made sense because she took after a lot of things that my father did in the field. That's it! That's what made her seem so familiar. Kayle noticed my train of thought.

"You ought to take her onto the fields some time, I think you'll do well." I was less sure, I had little experience in the top lane, and many other summoners seemed to have the consensus that Irelia was one of the weaker picks in the current state of things. Maybe I'd give it a shot, but I was not particularly enthused.

"Well, you know, just try to keep business going as usual, it's about time you get some rest." She was right, I had hardly slept in 30 hours

"If there is one thing you should look for in life, is a way to forget your worries and put them behind you." I nodded, not taking the time to think about what she had said, I was too tired.

* * *

I paused on the road to the house, where it reached the top of the incline up the ridge I lived on. I watched the mountains to the west, clouds were starting to push over the top of them. The sun hung high in the clear sky, providing a slight warmth to the otherwise fresh autumn day.

Opening the front door I looked over my shoulder at the ridge line across the plateau, now the sheep storming down the eastern flanks at an astounding pace, behind them thunderheads were beginning to billow up. _Storm's brewin'_ I muttered to myself in my father's voice. With a light chuckle I walked in.


	7. Cold Blood

**Chapter 6 - Cold Blood.**

Dark, dark, dark, dark.

A cold grey smoke hung around my feet.

_Something's not right._

I went downstairs, the same.

Silence.

There was not a sound to be heard.

The mist was cold, clinging to my bare skin.

A muted rumble cut the silence, distant but powerful.

Not much more than a second it lasted before the silence returned.

A knock.

The door.

It was open.

_Strange._

Outside I paced, my steps unable to interrupt the quiet.

The streetlights were dimmed, only emitting a cool, orange glow.

A hazy halo surrounded the bright, still full moon.

* * *

Without conscious purpose I took down the road into the town. The lights were muted and further dimmed by an eerie mist that hung in ribbons, scattered unevenly around. There was a smell of blood in the air, I recognized it from the previous evening, yet I hadn't a clue where it would have been coming from.

The town was empty, dead silent. The mist again was cold, and of almost sticky consistency. I tried to swipe some aside; it gave way easily, trailing into grey wisps. Without direction I headed to the medical wards, something drew me there, but I knew not what it was.

Inside, the smoke hung again, grey around the floor, despite the dim glow of torches, the air felt pitch black, devoid of warmth. A few figures hung in corners, their faces covered and bodies unidentifiable. None moved or made the slightest sound.

A blink almost dropped me on the floor in panic, when the figures momentarily flashed in a bloody red. Another blink reverted it back to the greys.

Down the long, hazy corridors I paced, no known purpose guiding me, yet I was here for something.

One door was ajar, a yellow light flooding through the paper-thin gap, I went inside.

* * *

A black and red figure sat slumped over his knees against the wall, Zed I discerned it to be after a few moments. Across, there was a bed, a white blanket drawn over the person that lay in it.

"Akali?" I whispered, a sense of dread growing inside of me as I made my way to the side. Zed shifted.

I put my hand on the cloth, over one of the arms. Stone cold.

I blinked.

"She's gone," the man's cold voice cut through the silence, leaving a bigger gash than his blades could have made.

"No," I whispered, as if the word could bring her back. "No, no, no." I tried again, slowly edging my voice up. "NO, NO, NO!" I screamed. A rumble. The walls started to collapse around us.

* * *

"What's wrong," it was Irelia, her voice sweet as an angel. "Everything is going to be just fine." She stood over me, her comforting hazel eyes glowing ever so slightly. Her hair was dark as always, the silky strands just touching my face. Her skin was so fair, so smooth. Slowly she lowered herself to my face, but as she did so the features disappeared, a black void taking the place of her mouth, then her eyes as she moved ever closer. Soon enough her whole face was black, as it passed through me, I closed my eyes.

* * *

Opening them I found myself falling, no floating in a pitch black void, the air was still around me. I turned around a few times and looked up and down; confirming the emptiness as I mentally checked the box in my mind.

_Just fine._

A wind swept echo called out.

_Just fine. Just fine. Just fine._

Louder and louder it got.

_Just fine._

A final scream before it cut out.

* * *

My eyes shot open. The room was dark, apart from the almost golden beam of light that shone in from the hallway. Squinting, I peered to my side, searching for the clock. My eyes were dry and had trouble focusing, but I found it. Half past nine, it read, a few hours earlier than I had expected to wake. Not yet completely conscious, I lay in my warm bed for a few moments. The large window I had taken to staring at revealed little, merely a hazy darkness and a reflection of the hallway. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I was not going to sleep any longer, be it lack of tiredness or hunger that would keep me awake. I got up, seeking to solve both.

I changed out of my night clothes, brushed my hair, and stuck my head into a sink full of cool water. Awake, I went downstairs in search for some food, but it was cut short by a knock on the door. _Strange, what an odd time for someone to come,_ I thought to myself, might as well see who it is.

Opening the front door I found a tall man, just removing the hood of his dark green cloak to reveal a rather shaggy head of dark, slightly curly hair. Zelos, I immediately recognized him despite never having met him in person; I had only seen him from afar in several ceremonies my father had attended. The young man looked rather tired and more weathered than usual; he had likely not shaved in a week or so.

"Gilion, right?" he asked, me nodding slowly in approval. "You probably know who I am." His tone was low and quiet, yet authoritative, but none the less friendly. I nodded again. "I'm sorry for disturbing you at such an ungodly hour, but urgent needs call."

"Of what?" I asked back, unsure of what to expect. Half of me was excited to have something to break my idleness with, the other half apprehensive of what exactly the urgency of these needs entailed.

"Come with me, I can tell you along the way," he replied.

"All right, I'll just get my boots and cloak." I said after assessing the light drizzle that had started and the cold air that barged in through the open door. I let Zelos in and closed it behind him before grabbing my still-too-big leather boots from the rack.

"Why so tired?" I asked tying the long laces from the bottom up. He had taken a seat next to me on the stairs.

"Well, just rode from Kanawa* to Palaroth like the wind, and then tried to outrun the storm with an unconscious Akali on my back. I..."

"What!" I cried, cutting him off. "What happened to Akali?" I lowered my tone, jumping up, having just completed tying my boots up. A sickening feeling started taking over me. "No, don't tell me." My heart raged and my stomach twisted as the memories of the white blanket came back, the touch of the cold skin so clear in my mind. _No! No! No!_ I had to run, I had to flee; I couldn't stay any longer. Before Zelos could stand up I was out the door.

I had lost all hope in life; it was miserable, cold, lonely. All that was fair would be swept away soon after it was found. I ran up the driveway and turned left at the road, looking back to see Zelos, his head bowed, standing in the doorway. Pity I felt for him, but that didn't matter anymore; I shook my head and concentrated on my one and only purpose, to put as much distance between me and anyone else as I could. Off to the mountains I would go, high up where nobody travelled. In the heart of the beautiful landscape, the only thing constant in this world. I realized I had left my cloak behind, it didn't matter, the sooner I died the better, the sooner I would be put out of my misery.

* * *

*Kanawa lies approximately 40 miles (as the crow flies) south of Palaroth, nestled among the western cliffs.


	8. Worries

**I had a collapsed lung while writing this one, oddly enough it happened only a few months after C9 Hai had his…**

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Worries.**

Curiosity turned me around.

* * *

I made it back to the institute with what I guessed were several hours before dawn. The streets were an empty gloom and a thick mist of low hanging clouds released a drenching drizzle that soaked me to the core. My bare hands were numb, a lack of feeling that my quick pace had managed to keep from spreading to the rest of my body. The weight of the water in my hair drew it out of its usually messy curls into dark, soggy waves that came down to my shoulders. Using my breath I battled away a bunch that never seemed to want to move from in front of my eye, it was pointless.

The medical wards lay in the south-west corner of the town where the plateau dropped away into a stream and rolling hills climbed up from the opposite bank. The building itself consisted of a large central tower, several floors tall; the main access at the top across a bridge a hundred or so paces long that brought one across the drop in the terrain. Out from the center building, at ground level, maybe better described as in the ground itself, three arms extended, curved in places, which sprawled partially underneath the lush gardens that covered the ground.

Zelos, I found, wearing his cloak, hood shading his face, sitting on the low wall that lined the right side of the road before the bridge. Closer inspection revealed him smoking the short stub of a fat cigar, which upon noticing me; he tossed over his shoulder into the abyss.

"Like your father said, Freljordian leaf is the best for a cold day," he mumbled as he got up. My dad smoked now and again on trips, always fat cigars or his pipe, usually when he had something to ponder. It was far less than many other soldiers and he was always very picky about what tobacco he smoked. I had tried myself once, but found it disgusting; it left me coughing for a good hour, which he and his friend found rather comical.

"Scenic route," he muttered before clearing his throat. "Shortcut, rather." He corrected himself, leading me through a gap in the wall, down a winding set of stairs. Trees formed a roof over us, which kept out some of the rain, but rather regularly, large, heavy drops of water splashed down upon me. The smell of wet soil and wood hung densely inside the tunnel, only a very slow upward draught carried the scent away. Dim lamps hung from some of the branches, just enough to allow one to see the steps and not fall over.

A small brook babbled at the bottom of the steps, bulging from the weather, it was crossed by a small wooden bridge; I followed Zelos over into the gardens that lay across.

The soil was soft under foot, not waterlogged, but the moisture was noticeable. The grass was already beginning to grow long; it had probably not been cut in a month, and likely would not see a blade until the spring. It released that distinct, all too common scent into the air, alongside what emitted from the flowers and trees around. There were ones I recognized, roses, ferns, several nuts, and uncountable other ones that I had almost certainly met before, but my lack of botanical knowledge could not recognize.

Elongated mounds of earth concealed and at the same time demarcated the arms of the building. They almost resembled roots sprawling out from underneath a large tree. These arms housed mainly rooms for patients, each having a large sliding door. They were all dark, except for one, which Zelos led me to. The porch was overhung, a large, glass sliding door set inwards several meters, with several flowery plants hanging down marking the start of the roof. As he ducked to avoid them, they revealed how much shorter I was than Zelos.

We removed our boots and after shaking my head in a futile attempt to get some of the water out of my hair, I followed him inside.

Irelia lay on one bed, smiling dreamily at us as we appeared through the curtains. On the other bed... _No, No, No!_

I rushed over to Akali, my heart pounding, mind racing. _Thank the gods!_ Her hand was still warm. I felt her pulse, it was still there. Now only to hope she would not die in front...

The thought was interrupted by a warm hand on my shoulder.

"She'll be fine," Irelia's mesmerizingly calm voice called out. I followed the hand around to her. Suddenly I felt guilty; I had completely ignored her since I came in. _Why was she here anyway? Zelos had only spoken of Akali._

"Irelia," I started, "I'm..." She cut me off with a finger at my lips.

"You came back," she whispered, "That's what matters to me." She held my gaze fixated on her eyes. The hazel gems consuming me, leaving me numb. Yet, much to my surprise, I found myself relaxing. "Thank you for being my hunter and messenger," the warrior continued quietly, "I'm not sure what I would have done without you." I could only blush in response. "Now I suppose you'll want an explanation for all this." I nodded.

* * *

Following her suggestion I drew up an arm-chair in between the two beds and sat down, on the edge at first. She raised the back of the bed slightly, partly sitting her up. A light gasp revealed her laboured breathing as she adjusted herself.

"Well, the rebels left a bomb in the warehouse," Irelia started, I gulped. "We found it early in the morning, and managed to get everyone else out. We couldn't defuse it before it went off. At least no one else was hurt. "I sat a bit further back in the chair, taking the time Irelia gave me to absorb the thoughts.

"My left lung collapsed, the explosion must have caused it to leak, allowing air into the gap between the lung and my chest wall. It'll be a while before it expands back to its original size, and I guess I'll be a bit short in breath.

"As for her," Irelia said nodding in the direction of Akali, "Being herself, she jumped in front of me trying to protect me. She was hit by a bar, it broke several of her ribs, but other than that she is fine, the injury is more painful than anything really dangerous. Coming back was scary because it looked a lot worse than it actually was, I was worried she would not make it back," her voice trailed off. She was looking at the younger woman with a worried look on her face. With a sigh it passed.

The warriors hand found mine, and silently pulled it under the blanket and pressed it to the bare skin of her side. I blinked, not sure what to make of it.

"How aren't you shivering?" She asked, "You spent a good long time out there wandering about, without anything more than a soaking shirt on." I shrugged, I didn't feel particularly cold. A questioning look made it on to her face as she looked at me.

"We should sleep." She muttered, I yawned. I sat back in the armchair, it was quite comfortable, I thought, the last thought before a deep, dreamless sleep consumed me.


	9. The Wall

**Chapter 8 - The Wall**

_Why had I accepted the offer? No, not offer, challenge._

I must have been insane to think I could climb Mount Tylos with a group of Ionia's best warriors. Zelos had first brought up the idea of taking me along while I was helping him in the barracks at the time Irelia was in hospital. He seemed to instantly recognize my interest in the military and he, rather like my father, seemed to have the capacity to talk endlessly about it without much provocation. He seemed pretty confident I could do it and did the best part in convincing me to take the stupid decision to accept his challenge.

Irelia seemed indifferent about the matter, she said it was up to Zelos as he was the leader of the party. But, she was hiding something. A concern? Enthusiasm? I could not tell.

Akali wasn't too sure, she seemed rather unconfident in my ability to scale the snow covered, ice lined peak. She could be right, I had not tried anything of the likes in seven odd years, for all I knew I could have lost most of the skill I had honed with my father.

Kayle was opposed but after a lengthy verbal battle with Zelos, she gave in and said she would not stand in his way, but would hold him accountable for anything bad that happened.

As for me, I had lost the enthusiasm that had built up before we left the institute.

* * *

And so I sat, since the crack of dawn, on The Lookout. My gaze was fixed on the south-eastern horizon, where the cold, dim, yellow ball that was the sun crept into the milky sky.

The Lookout, also known as Soap's Den, named after a scout positioned there during the height of The Noxian Invasion, stood out as a peninsula from the coast of cliffs that formed The Ionian Wall. From the tip, which was narrow and reached by quite a steep climb, one had a 360 degree view of the surroundings; it was the southernmost point on The Wall.

The Ionian Wall itself was a sheer edge of south-facing cliffs that runs the islands full width, from east to west. It formed when as part of the Ionian Mountains, the northern side forced almost a mile up above the south. For the most part, the northern side descends slowly into the lightly wooded valleys below, although in the highest reaches of the range, it climbs to some of the tallest peaks of Runeterra. The southern side, far below, was also mountainous, but also covered in a thick forest. From above it would look almost like if for some reason Ionia had cracked in two, then been glued back together crookedly.

The wall had always divided Ionia, it was almost impassable; to pass it one had to scale the towering rock face, except for at three places, which still remain the only ones passable on horse. These were at the western and eastern ends, where one had to ride along a treacherous path hewn from the rock face where the mountains abruptly dropped into the sea. Or at the centre, just east from Soap's Den, a place called The Gap.

During the Noxian Invasion, the Ionians held off the attacking forces during a several month long onslaught at The Gap. Using their height advantage in combination with the geography of The Gap bottlenecking the Noxians into a funnel several hundred paces wide, the defenders managed to hold off mechanized and heavy infantry outnumbered ten to one. The Defence of the Gap, as it was called, was said to have been so efficient that 70% of the already outnumbered Ionian forces were able to cover the rest of the wall from the many assassins and light infantry units that attempted to scale the wall and flank The Gap. Despite the Ionians numbering around five times less than the Noxians, who were assisted by the Zaunians, the allocation of troops meant that elsewhere on the wall, Ionians actually outnumbered the Noxians.

Using tunneled land mines, stakes, and spikes placed before the invasion, to slow the invaders, the defence relied almost exclusively on ranged weapons, most of which were made locally, although a notable portion were acquired from Piltover. In doing so, they amassed an estimated three and a half million kills, the exact number of which was almost impossible to count, and made significantly harder by the lack of Noxian records regarding troop counts. Opposing this the Ionian forces lost 278 men, the greatest upset victory in Runeterra to date. Outside of The Gap, the invaders lost several tens of thousands to around a thousand Ionian losses.

In a quarter year after the victory at The Wall, the Ionians had practically eliminated the offensive threat that the Noxians posed, but it was not until the establishment of the Institutes of War that Ionians were given back control over the southern half of the Island, only ten years ago.

* * *

I had left the inn half an hour before dawn. The sunrise was not what I had expected as Zelos had described to me blue skies and crystal clear views, but seeing the southern lands expand from what fifty or so years ago had been the lookout of one of Ionia's greatest heroes (Soap was not just a lookout, he had been one of the three to have devised the defence) was an honour, one almost impossible to describe. More so was the battle I pictured in my head, grey and smokey, through the depth of Ionian winter, a hard fought victory which my life was indebted to.

Yet, it was belittling, showing of my weakness, my inadequacy. My thoughts shifted back to doubts, doubts over whether I could get to that rocky peak which now lay a mere two miles above me and fifty odd miles to the west.

"Amazing isn't it," it was Zelos, standing next to me.

I stood up beside him and closed my eyes, bowing my head. _To care for the land our fathers cared for._ I silently recited the all too familiar phrase.

"I'll get you to the top no matter what," Zelos mutteredd before turning down the clearing back to the path, I followed him down off the rocky outpost. The rest of the group, led by Irelia, who exchanged smiles with her brother before filing behind me up the trail. I followed Zelos, growing rather numb in mind. I felt tired. Was it that I hadn't slept well the previous night, or the thin air of the altitude, for we were almost two and a half miles above the sea, I could not deduce.

* * *

We headed westward, slightly downward along the plateau that descended steadily northwards from the top of the wall. As we moved along the ridge rose up to our left while another nearec from the right. A lightly wooded valley surrounded us, slowly snaking in a westerly direction, the north facing wall well coated in the snows of last winter. The white powder also lay in the shade of the trees in the bottom of the dale, but only in isolated patches on the sun-bathed, south facing side.

The trees were mostly pines and other evergreens although deciduous bushes were not hard to find in the undergrowth. Grass was beginning to sprout in the patches of open ground and a fresh scent hung in the cool, thin air. We hopped over several narrow creeks as the trail, surprisingly well trodden, wound its way along the southern flank of the valley, within earshot of the river which snaked up the center.

The pace was steady, and the thin air made every breath worth more than gold, I didn't waste a single one talking as I had in previous days. The rest of the group seemed to have taken to similar thoughts as they were silent rather than the chatter that had hung behind me, it allowed me to admire the serenity the valley possessed. As our footing was light and precise I could begin to hear the animals break the still. Over the rustle of the river I heard a snarl, a wolf, then a patter of paws, a pack, and the muted thuds of startled hooves on the soft ground. I pictured the wolves, silently sneaking up to the deer, then pouncing and taking chase as it bolted off into the trees.

I looked up to see several birds riding the updrafts above the ridges to our left, judging by their size, hawks. Suddenly, seemingly without provocation, one folded back its wings and darted down faster than any arrow. I imagined from the birds perspective, as a mile closed in mere handfulls of seconds as it plummeted down on its prey. Time slowing as it closed in for the kill, expertly pitching out of the drop, snatching a mouse, with one swift, precise swipe, as it darted mere feet over the rocky hillside.

A weasel darted across the path, paces ahead of Zelos. He noticed, momentarily turning to me as if to see if I had too. He winked.

As we dragged up the valley, the snow grew thicker and the pale sun, dim enough to stare directly at, skipped its way across the hilltops to the south. The day was growing old, and it showed with the chill that set in. I drew up my hood and soldiered on.

* * *

Straight into the river, the path ran. The ford was knee deep and the current slow as to make it passable in the wetter months. Zelos hesitated, then waded in. I followed him in.

Once on the other side I found a large flat rock, only just higher than the water level and stuck my face in the icy water, it was relaxing. As I let my hair drip, watching the reflection of the sunset that had turned the sky bright orange, I heard paces behind. I wheeled around to find Zelos, who had now started a straight out charge. I jumped to the side, ducking away from his arms as he reached out to pull me in and leaving my foot to trip him up, dropping him, head to toe into the stream. The rest of the group burst out laughing. I couldn't do much more than grin as he pulled himself out of the water, his plan had backfired horribly and his face showed his disappointment.

Irelia stopped giggling when her older brother stopped in front of her, a look of horror overcame her face as she saw the hug coming. Oh, how she squirmed as he embraced her, eliciting more laughs and cheers from the others. My grin widened.

Sopping wet, he still was, visibly shivering as we got to the cabin which was only a minute or so from the river. Neither of us had said anything, I just walked behind the dripping wet man, bathing in the warm pride of my victory. Irelia winked at me as I walked past her into the log house. I felt a smidge of guilt and decided to make myself useful by lighting the fire.

"You sir," Zelos chuckled, as he sat down behind me while I put a few thicker logs on top of the kindling and twigs which were just beginning to burn. "Are one cheeky little bastard." I silently made my way to another arm chair in front of the hearth, as the other scouts chuckled gregariously at his remark. I remembered the time my father had thrown me onto a small lake in the Freljord, I never forgave him for it. I grinned again.

Irelia, who had disappeared after opening the cabin door, reappeared with a small deer which Zelos helped skin and cut. The meat was cooked in front of the fire. Tender as the heavens it was, juicy and full of flavour, satisfied with only several smallish chunks I sat back in the chair, slowly letting sleep take over me as the rest of the group chattered on well into the night.


	10. Mount Tylos

**Chapter 9 - Mount Tylos**

The previous day had been an easy one, we had only to walk around four hours to get to the cave which we would use as our main camp. Zelos said that we would attempt the full climb in one day, rather than set up a camp at the head of the glacier. The cave was a little under a mile below the peak, and by path it would be around seven miles horizontally, but it was these last miles that would be the hardest. In this terrain, and at over three miles above the seas, even the most fit and well accomplished climber would struggle to move more than a mile in an hour. Today we started out only three hours after midnight, this allowed us around seventeen hours before dark, as the shorter days of March would not give us much leeway.

I again pictured the mountain as we had seen it yesterday from the valley below. The rocky dale rose ahead of us, turning rightwards where the sheer north-eastern flank of Tylos rose from the ground. The glacier covered the remaining three miles of the valley, up to a snowy incline that lay at the base of a ridge known as Knife's Edge. The rim curved and climbed into the North-Western Approach, a slow incline in comparison to the jagged south face that opposed it on the other side of the peak.

We set out up the last stretch of the now-barren valley with Irelia in the lead. I and then Zelos followed, him carrying the forward end of the ladder we would use to cross the crevasses in the glacier. The path was dimly lit by the silvery orb of the moon that hung in a hazy sky. It was accompanied by an eery silence, only broken by the distant whistle of the wind as it thundered in from the south-west over the ridges above. Down where we walked a calm breeze breathed the chilling air into my face, a pleasant remembrance of past expeditions. The coolness in my lungs pleasing, drawing me to the realization that I was actually enjoying myself, the proximity of the peak drawing me closer.

After a short while of clambering along the snow-clad mountainside, we got to a rocky wall that stood, in several steps next to the ghost like outline of the glacier. The ladder was set and I, being the lightest, was sent up first. I held it steady as the others followed me up. We repeated the process from the next two ledges until we were brought even with the surface of the glacier. Here we sat down to attach the crampons we brought from the cabin to our boots. It relieved me off carrying them on my back, _rather odd_, I thought, I was still carrying them, instead on my feet.

We could have avoided the glacier by scrambling along the base of the rocky slope that rose up from next to it into the North-West Approach. But, heavy snowfall in the previous weeks made that too dangerous, especially when combined with the slightly warmer weather that came through after the snow. Up the glacier we started and were met almost immediately with our first obstacle, a crevasse. It was a dozen or so feet across, and the bottom echoed the gurgle of water. The ice was not as blue as in The Freljord, but equally beautiful in its texture and lighting, especially under the dim night glow. The ladder was passed forward and placed over the gap, and on my hands and knees I crawled across, pausing briefly in the middle to admire the downward view. I recalled my father talking about when he was the captain of the elite scouts, nicknamed the Mountain Lions, he had lead a group of apprentices up the same trail. Zelos was one of them, sixteen at the time, and grew up to be the next captain.

"Your father stepped down from his position, which as you know he didn't much enjoy," Zelos had said while we chatted in the cabin some days back. "He said I made a far better leader than him, and after quite a bit of arguing with the commanders was allowed to train me into his position. I think he enjoyed lone wolfing a lot more, or otherwise teaching, rather than having to boss around several different parties. He had his way around teaching, it was unique, less strict and rigid than my father, and more about me finding things out for myself.

"We spent several years roaming around Runeterra, the last, and for me hardest, in The Freljord, and when we returned I was given the position almost immediately, becoming the youngest captain in Ionia, only to have my sister steal it from me the next year." He got a quiet giggle from Irelia, which he glared back at sternly.

"Had it not been for his unfortunate death, I think he would have had you as youngest captain," She then said, coaxing a quiet blush out of me.

We made our way north-westward across at least a dozen more cracks in similar fashion before making it to the flats. Here, we tied a rope to each other's harnesses, in case one of us were to fall into a hidden crevasse, and continued up, taking turns bearing the ladder.

Our progress surprised me, Zelos confidently leading a wavy path along the glacier a few hundred yards from the slope to our left. It cast a belittling shadow over us as the sky gradually transformed into lighter shades of blue, and as we readied for the second group of crevasses the sun steadily emerged from the jagged horizon beyond the mouth of the glacier.

So far the morning had been almost perfectly still, the mountains shielding us from the cold winds which blew in from the north-west. The sky was no longer milky either, rather the purest of blues, much like I had seen many a summer day in The Freljord. With the warmth of the sun on our backs we clambered across the ladder through the dozen or so crevasses. The frequent pauses kept me far from exhaustion, leaving me ready for the onslaught that loomed up in front of me, the snow banks of Knife's Edge. I buckled down and kept behind Zelos.

At the base of the slope we ditched the ladder and set a steady climb, cutting sideways along the face, in a northerly direction, away from the peak. The waist-deep snow revealed that I was actually quite battered already. Each step felt like a challenge, and even though Zelos didn't exceed my pace, I felt like I was falling behind with every step of his. I focused on my breath and kept myself moving, holding my eyes on the dark figure in front.

I was caught off guard when he stopped, inspection revealing we had climbed maybe a quarter of the way up the incline. My breath was deep, but felt empty, the thin air not having much to offer my lungs. My heart pumping frantically to get whatever oxygen my lungs could scrap going where it was needed. But at least I felt clear in thought, I was relaxed, and now only had one goal, to make the summit of Tylos.

"Each at their own pace," Zelos addressed the group once it caught up. "Remember the briefing." He finished before setting off. Following him, I recalled it.

"Once we start up the banks of Knife's Edge (the ridge that extends out from the North-Western approach) we can start to spread out and climb at our own paces. Don't get carried away though, keep an eye on the man in front of you, and check behind you regularly. This is especially important once we get on the north-west approach, the wind will be blowing hard and you will not be able to hear a thing. I'll set up the ropes at The Step with whoever else is at the front and continue to the peak. It's up to you to sort yourselves there, you know the drill. Oh yeah, and remember to check one extra time, your brain will be half dead up there four and a half miles up."

I grimaced at the reminder of the dangers we faced. Screwing up on the ropes, one bad step, one slip, one awkward gust of wind, anything could knock us straight down an almost two mile high drop. _To rush up, is to rush to death_, I reminded myself. Yet, I felt spurred on by an indescribable attraction to the peak, this outpost of rock, the gates to the sky. My pace was unfaltering and steady, uninterrupted by my mind, now for the most part devoid of cluttered thought. Everything seemed to fade into a constant, dull ache without any specific source. I paid little heed to anything but the path in front of me, silently observing and tracing Zelos' wide strides. Each of them dug almost down to my hips in the soft, loose snow.

Over an hour it took us to reach the north-west approach. Breathing heavily, we waited a little below the top of the ridge, just out of reach of the gusts that tore over our heads frequenty carrying wisps of white dust into the distance. The wind had changed its heading, now it came from the south east. This was as we had expected, we left the cabin a day earlier than planned to make the summit before the wind changed and brought with it the humidity and the inevitable onslaught of storms. At this timing we'd at least make it back off the glacier before we could get pinned in.

The sun hung in the clear sky, seemingly marking our goal, just above the ridgeline ahead. The summit was hidden by the craggy ridge that climbed up ahead of us. Behind, it thinned into Knife's Edge, and, at the top, almost sheer faced wall of rock, partially buried in the less steep banks of snow that we had climbed earlier. At its tallest, the bare rock was exposed several thousand feet above the snow, ending in a jagged and weathered edge. The view was great, but none compared to what met us when we stepped out into the gale.

Mile upon mile of snow lined peaks, here and there threaded with the greens of Ionia's forests. The weather had yet to change, and at the moment was better than perfect, not a hint of haze obscured the sight in any direction. The sky was a bright blue, darkening ever so slightly towards the zenith. Immensely warming the sun was, even over the chilling katabats that I could swear were trying their damndest to drive me head over heels off the ridge. We broke away from the view and continued our slow drag upwards. I toiled on unceasingly after Zelos, my heavy breathing barely enough to keep me conscious, his dark shadow was the only clear point of reference I had.

Soon the ridge levelled out and before us loomed an at least 50 metre tall vertical of ice and rock. Walking leftward around its base we made it out of the wind. A few minutes we spent regaining our breath as we gazed off to the north. Calm again, we began removing our climbing gear from our backs. I carried several coils of rope, which I laid out in the snow.

"You sure you are alright leading?" He asked me, I nodded. "We can wait for Irelia, she'll only be a few more minutes."

"I'll be fine," I asserted, I had lead most of the climbs with my father, mainly since I was by far the lightest of us two. Zelos accepted and began laying out his gear, an assortment of cams, nuts, bolts, and drills along with a few figure eights and other pieces. I picked up a pair of loops holding bolts and clipped them to my harness. A drill, several short cords for loops, and a threading device I found too for making V-threads, all else I deemed unnecessary. Zelos prepared the line and hooked me to it. I checked his end of the lead while he tightened my harness, then we each checked our own again. Just as I picked up my pair of picks Irelia barged in, obliging to re-check all the equipment before I started up.

Painfully slow my ascent was, but upwards I went, and the first bolt I drove in without much of a fuss. I clipped in the line and continued up. Several places I attached a pair of bolts, just to make sure the line would be tight in case I fell. The progress was lethargic, as it took me a good ten seconds between each swing of a pick. Each step I loaded slowly, not trusting it to immediately take my full weight, and each movement I made I checked my other positions to make sure nothing had shifted for my next.

Exhausted, I dragged myself over the top almost an hour later. Once I caught some of my breath back, I drilled a pair of holes for the V-thread, pulled the loop through, and tied it to the second line which I carried on my belt. I tossed it back down and sat down to admire my handiwork and check it for any mistakes, I found none. Zelos made the top first, followed by the rest of the group, one by one, in all taking a little more than I had taken to lead.

Having recovered my breath I rushed to the peak ahead of the group, where I collapsed in the soft snow, utterly breathless, but feeling as alive as I had been in at least six years. I had actually done it, the highest peak in Runeterra, I had conquered Tylos. Free of the burden of walking my mind raced, unable to capture any of the mess of emotions and feelings, I just lay numb on the white ground. Zelos gave me a tap on the back as he made the summit, I gave him a grin and a thumbs up, wiping his face free of the concerned look.

When I looked up again, I found him standing with a defiant look towards the east. Irelia came up behind him and threw her arms around her brother, following his eyes off into the distance from his shoulder. I smiled. The closest person to a sibling for me was Akali, but I let her by herself for fear of unwillingly interrupting her. I hated to burden her, she was only a few years older than me, but was charged with taking care of me, something I, in part, felt guilty for.

I sat up and turned northwards, staring off into the distance, as if I could see The Freljord over the horizon. It brought back the happy memories of my father. I recalled him teaching me to lead a climb, a rock wall with many cracks it was. We slid in several dozen nuts in different places and he had me jump off the wall to see which were good and which weren't. I ended up pretty bruised, but it was good fun and it made me trust my protection. Many of the climbing heavy routes we actually were accompanied by other scouts, usually Freljordian friends of my father.

A hand on my shoulder interrupted the thought, I leaned back into Irelia's lap. We exchanged smiles, and I found my gaze drawn to her eyes. She sighed and stared away, leaving me to myself. I tried to return to my memories, but none seemed to come through clearly. Picking up some of the snow with my hand, I gave it a little flick, as it trailed off into a wisp, darting off into the blue. Suddenly the accomplishment felt surreal, as if in my imagination. Everything felt so perfect that it could not be real.

"It's hard to describe," I could just make out Irelia's voice over the howling gale. "Nothing prepares you for the mental onslaught of finally reaching your goal. Suddenly you realize, you've done it, but you don't know what to feel about the fact that you did it."

I just stared up blankly at her jaw.

"It just overloads you, it engulfs you."

I remembered my feelings when my father died. The weeks it took me to get back to The Institute, mauled into a steady grind filled with a turmoil of emotions. It was the depressing version of the same thing. I did feel sad that my father had died, but all the things we had done I could not regret. All of our experiences together, we had shared and made the most of. The thoughts mangled each other, twisting and contorting the mind. It was what killed my mother., the emotional and mental sickness bearing down on her physical self. Her mind overcome, unable to keep her body working. My mind trailed back into the garbled blankness of confusion, I stared up at the sky.

An hour or so must have passed when Irelia stirred.

"It's about time we leave." When I passed out of my daydream I realized the rest of the group had left. I stood up slowly, and facing the wind, I made the salute. To honour those who had died trying the climb. Then I followed the warrior down the approach. The ridge now cast a shadow much of the way across the glacier to our right. The mountains ahead made an interesting texture, alternating patches of light on the south-west facing slopes and dark on the north-eastern ones. I looked to the right finding the clouds already beginning to draw up along the horizon.

Zelos was waiting for us at the top of the step.

"You want to take down the lead?" he shouted over the still raging wind. I nodded.

I stared into the wind while Irelia went down, then I checked Zelos' lines and sent him after her. I gave the rope a tug when I thought he had reached the bottom. Two pulls came down the rope, confirming that I was to release the main line. I checked my harness again and tossed the other rope down, then gave the lead line a tug, this time the reply was a little delayed, but at length I started back down the icy wall. The bolts twisted out of the wall with relative ease, and the stepping on the return was far less tiresome than the ascent. At the bottom I neatly wound up the pair of ropes while Zelos filled his bag with the other bits I had used. And we set off back down the approach in an almost hurried pace. A deep rumble from below was the last I remembered.


	11. The Climb

**Chapter 10 – The Climb**

"You all in one piece?" He screamed over the piercing wind.

_Where am I?_

I hung suspended by one arm, held by Zelos, who seemed to be holding on to the icy wall by one of his picks. I gulped at the sight below, several thousand feet of nothing more than thin air separating us from the rocky ground below. Icy gales and gusts battered the cliff, seeming to come from every direction. I looked around, dazed by the view, and by the craziness of this situation I found myself in. _How the hell did he manage to stop us from falling_, I thought. It was an almost impossible feat to stop oneself with a pair of picks on a steep incline, but somehow he had managed to arrest not only his fall, but mine too, and he had done it with a single pick.

"Oi!" He yelled, giving me a wiggle, "You alright?"

I nodded weakly.

"Take the pick," he directed, looking down at the one which dangled from his left wrist. I unclipped it and readied it in my left hand. "Alright, up you go!" He grunted as he swung me up beside him, where I, admiring myself as I realized what I had done, managed not to fall back down. I shifted and steadied myself on my boots.

"Alright son, let's get you off this blasted mountain." He muttered. "When you get back to the cabin, take my blade to remember me." _Remember him?_ "And take care of Irelia."

"What?" I shouted back, puzzled by his words. But when I opened my eyes, he was gone, only the pick left dangling on the ice.

* * *

For the second time in a few hours I was utterly stunned.

I know not how long I hung there, motionless, unsure of what to do. I could take the easy way out and follow Zelos down to my death. I remembered Akali, 'whatever you do, don't do anything stupid.' Her delicate voice echoed through my mind, then her mourning after my father's death, then that of her mother's death. Would she be able to cope with having failed at bringing me up?

And what about Irelia? How she loved Zelos, a brotherly love I never had or received. And the smiles she exchanged with me, did she like me? I couldn't leave her. "Take care of Irelia," the words thundered through my thoughts.

I held back my tears, which would have frozen instantly in my eyes. I shivered. Looking around I found the twilight, the sun had left, leaving me hanging half frozen on the wall. Slowly I gathered myself and reached out to grab the second axe.

A little later I was scaling the ice, one limb at a time.

* * *

It was almost entirely dark by the time I managed to drag myself over the ledge. There I collapsed in the snow, still being battered by the unforgiving winds, but not disturbed enough to keep me from recovering my breath. I slowly pulled myself to my feet, looking around, I made out the glow of where the moon was rising to the east. About to set off downwards I noticed a silhouette painted against the grey. Curiosity drew me near, it was oddly out of place, I hadn't seen anything as such on the way up.

Irelia! I instantly recognized the hair flowing in the wind from underneath her face mask, she was out of the brunt of the gale, the air flowing erratically around as it tumbled over the top of the ridge. Not wanting to disturb her, I sat down quietly next to her. At first I thought she didn't notice me, then she gently pulled me to her side, laying my head on her lap.

So quiet it felt, so lonely. I peered into the grey blankness that extended in front of me, the winds drew the snow into horizontal streaks. I imagined water freezing in cracks of rocks and splitting them open as it turned to ice. All of Nature had a numbing beauty to it, in part incited by the sheer power of her, otherwise from her sheer complexity yet smoothness no machine could compare to.

My mind on the other hand was breaking down, overcome by the tumult of chaotic thoughts that tore through it. I gathered little of them, memories, anger, sadness, visions, but none of it made sense, it all melted into a hot, boiling confusion. As if reading my mind Irelia soothingly ran her hand over me, it worked, distracting me, calming me. She found an open patch of skin under my jacket, around my collar, and lingered there, her touch was a grim chill in comparison to her usual warmth.

The soft downs she wore and her soothing touch, were calming, but my clear thoughts were worse than the mess that preceded them. I couldn't get Zelos out of my mind. He would have been here had I not been for me coming with him. He would have made it off the mountain hours earlier had it not been for my sluggish lead up the Step. Again, I pictured him hanging on the wall by his arm. _And take care of Irelia._ The words again thundered through my mind, my memory flashing between him hanging next to me, and just the pick. It repeated as I slowly fell into a deep, yet uneasy sleep.

_Why me?_

* * *

They had been tracking us for a few days already, I began to sense the tenseness of unknowing in my father. He was silent, never saying a word. I had more or less lost track of where we were, as the bears had driven us out of Western Freljord. Eastern bears, were known for their extreme territorialism against all other species, but were rarely seen to the west of the mountain range that divided the lands. We first noticed them as we were tracking up a narrow valley on the western slopes, from there we climbed up over the top of the mountains and had to descend eastwards. He had made the decision with an extreme amount of reluctance, before turning into the unknown.

Being only us two, we were outnumbered, so in the valley we had no option but to continue upwards, and when we reached the pass we found the ridge too jagged to follow straight to the south. Our only option was to go eastwards and follow the rivers down to the ocean. The weather was going to take a turn for the worse within the next few days, and the last thing we wanted was to be trapped on top of a four mile high ridge in the middle of a blizzard.

Three days after coming over the pass we were still being followed, the bears holding to our tracks, but at a distance. Occasionally my father would raise his fist and stop us dead and we would listen, to hear the bears, one by one, grind to a halt. Six I counted, which was a minimum, I guessed at least nine.

"Seems like we picked up a few more on the way down," he muttered quietly as we set off again, tracking southwards through a wider valley. As we got lower down the snow began to become harder, and finally I could actually walk on top of it rather than have to try to wade through, waist deep.

After hopping across a small stream he paused again, this time, the bears didn't, their slow pace clear through the trees, a mere few hundred yards away. We exchanged glances, his face still stern, with remarkably little expression, he was calm. _Then again_, I thought, _he is always calm._

Breaking eye contact he scrambled up the bank and set of a run southwards, I was right on his heels. The bears had picked up on our sudden movement, several calls, taking shape as low growls, I heard behind and to our sides. He was fast, I had to put every inch of myself at work to keep with him, and his pace never faltered, he seemed tireless. I slowly floated into that all too familiar numbness of exertion, my mind effectively shut down, focusing entirely on keeping myself moving.

We must have run for a few miles, as panting, I literally ran into the back of my dad to find us at the top of a several hundred foot drop.

"Not so fast," he growled. He looked around a few seconds, then exclaimed "Ropes!" I had barely recovered from the shock of running into him, let alone the fact that I had been running for at least half an hour straight. He dropped his pack on the ground. After doing the same to mine, I hurriedly unclipped two lines of static rope, and opened the pack to take out several tree loops. These were simple loops of rope to tie around a tree and could be placed in several seconds, their purpose exactly the situation we found ourselves in.

My father had drawn his long bluish blade and strode off into the woods where we had just come out. Trying to worry about my own task, I walked around and found a pine, at least half a metre in diameter and attached the loop to it, clipping the top end of the rope, which handily was already tied to be quick clipped onto anything at need. I went back to the packs and pulled out our two harnesses, both of them I found already fitted with descenders, I put mine on and tightened it, just when he came running back out of the trees. His sword and right side was drenched in blood, but he gave me no time to enquire.

"You alright?" he asked, to which I nodded. "Alright, get as much distance as you can, I'll come down after you." He shoved me towards the rope, and without letting me ask, he strode back into the forest.

* * *

I woke with a start. It was still dark, but the dim light of the moon peeked between ragged clouds above us.

"Gilion," Irelia whispered weakly. "You must go."

"What?" I mumbled in return.

"Go, leave this damned mountain, live a happy live." She paused, "mine is over." I hesitated, unable to form words to reply, hers paralyzing my thought. "You are but young. Grow and be great, make life as you want it to be, and never hesitate to look back."

"What?" I repeated, not capable of saying more.

"You should leave before you freeze to death."

"And leave you to die here?" I managed to respond.

"You are better off without me." The words stung.

"Better off living, knowing I left my dad to die, knowing I am to blame for his death, and that of Zelos." I exploded, "Better off knowing I left you up here? That I abandoned you!" I screamed, disgusted by the thought. I pushed her away from me, getting to my feet.

She remained silent.

"Are you really going to be selfish enough to leave Akali and I here on this damned planet." I roared, "I came back here for you, because Zelos convinced me not to leave you and Akali alone. I could have gone with Zelos and taken the easy way out." I paused. "You know what, I'm going, and if you stay here, I hope for an afterlife in which you get to live in the regret that you abandoned us, in which you get to suffer the torture of hindsight, you'll be happy then, I'm sure."

With that I turned my back to her and still in a fit of rage started down the mountain. That rage never left me for the two weeks it took me to get back to the institute, it kept energy in me despite hardly eating more than a small piece of bread each day.

I took the less used paths, staying clear of roads and towns, I knew not of the state I was in, and had no intention of showing it to anyone. Several places I snuck close to the side of the road, and I overheard several conversations of people talking about Irelia, Zelos and me, at each of them I left chuckling to myself. I was off the radar, no one knew of my whereabouts, exactly how I liked it.


	12. By Moon and Star

**I can't count how many weekend all-nighters I pulled writing these parts… Boarding life man… Boarding life…**

* * *

**Chapter 11 – By Moon and Star**

"It can't-," she murmured slowly as I stepped slowly towards her bed. "This, must be a dream." She feebly pushed her eyes open as I put my hand on her forehead. "You're freezing," she whispered as I noted how warm she was, a clear fever. "Where's Irelia? And what of Zelos?"

"Zelos did, as you have heard, die," I gulped, "and I know not of Irelia." I cringed internally at my own words, the vision of Zelos flashing through me again: _Take care of Irelia. _"Zelos gave his life to save me," I added, pushing the subject away from the betrayer. Akali just stared up at me, seeming to eye my features as if to convince herself that she was dreaming. I was pulled away by a knock on the door, which opened and made way for Kayle.

"Oh my," she chuckled, "look who appeared here. A sneaky young lad you are, eh? Don't worry, you can't keep out of the eyes of Valor." She then turned to Akali, giving her a nudge on the shoulder. "I told you he'd come back, Gilion is a bit more tough than you might think." I giggled mentally at the flattering remark.

"So you're alright Gilion," Kayle said to me, I nodded. "I'm sorry I can't stay here, I have important business to do in Demacia and Piltover, so I won't be around for a month or so. But, now that you're here, at least I don't have to worry about finding someone to take care of Akali. Anyway, what I really came here for was to get you something to eat," she looked over to Akali. "But if you don't mind, I'll leave that to you." I nodded and followed her out of the room. The assassin just sat, silent, seemingly unable to piece together what had happened.

"Chicken soup?" I asked Kayle as we walked down into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I think there's everything you need here to make that, apart from the chicken and stock." She replied, looking through the fridge.

"I can get that from down in town." I answered.

"Sounds good to me." Kayle knew I was a half decent cook, it was one of the few things that I had learned from my mother rather than my father. "Alright, I'll be going to get my things ready, you can find me in my office if you need anything, I think I'll be there until tomorrow morning when I leave." We turned to face each other in the middle of the room. I had grown, my eyes were now past her shoulders. She pulled me in and gave me a hearty embrace, and whispered in my ear: "You have surpassed all I could have expected from you, stand proud and keep moving." I beamed at her compliment, smiling at her as we parted and she left the room.

_She does an awfully good job at replacing mum_, I thought to myself before picking up some bags and heading out.

* * *

When I returned, I was startled by Akali, who I found in the kitchen, already cutting up some of the vegetables for the soup.

"Thought I'd save you a little time," she called out as I walked through the door. "I'm not reading your mind, Gilion, you're too predictable," the woman stole the words from my mouth. I walked to the cupboard and took out a largish pan, filled it with water and the chicken stock and put it on the stove. The meat was already filetted, so I cut it up and laid it out on an oven tray. As I turned to light the oven, she gave me a nudge on with her hip. I wheeled around and glared at her, to find her shooting me a childishly playful glance in return.

"It's already on."

I frowned.

And so, I busied myself preparing the sauce for the chicken. _I hope for an afterlife in which you get to live in the regret_, the words flickered through my mind. I gulped. I was wrong, why had I left her up there? _You'll be happy then, I'm sure_. They came like another volley, almost dropping me on the ground. _You get to suffer the torture of hindsight… _How could I have let such foul words leave my mouth, I can't have meant them as they were.

I was saved by the soft touch of a warm hand on my shoulder. I wheeled about to find the assassin behind me.

"Are you alright?" she asked soothingly, placing a hand on my cheek. I retreated away from her, but was stopped by the counter. "Is this to do with Irelia?" She enquired, gazing into my eyes. I searched frantically for something other than the stare to set my eyes on. Nervousness set in with almost paralyzing strength, my heart began to beat frantically. "Gilion?" she said slowly, advancing on me ever so slightly, a rate greatly exaggerated by my shock.

"N-No," I stammered. I was not going to let her know. I was responsible for both of their deaths, and the last thing she needed was to see that. "Zelos, I saw him die." I lied. "I'll be fine, just take a while to get over it that's all."

It worked, she backed away from the matter, leaving me relieved at keeping my burden off her.

* * *

The next days passed uneventfully, Akali recovered and seemed to avoid confronting me. Until almost a week later Irelia appeared in the institute. That night I went to my room early, telling Akali I was going to sleep. But when Irelia came to the house later, I could not resist but eavesdrop on their conversation.

"What is between you and Gilion?" Akali asked. A long pause as I tensed.

"Nothing," I was relieved. "he was just a bit jarred from losing Zelos. They were becoming quite good friends." She was avoiding the issue admirably. _But, why would she do that?_ I thought to myself._ It must be for her own good. She probably hates me for what I said, and doesn't want to confront me about it._ I needed to hear no more, and so, slipped back up to my bed to sulk about it.

* * *

Summer came early, an almost suffocating heat that ploughed in from the south around a week after Irelia arrived, barely through the month of March. Most of the days I sat either in my room or in the summoning halls, idleness gnawing at me in the former, and in the latter insults from other summoners, every one of them commenting on how bad I was doing. I dropped into the bottom 20% of rankings and found no way to improve. There was no way to improve with the mental state I was in, my mind was a turmoil, only further agitated by the heat, and summoning only served to pass time.

I carefully avoided Irelia, I had no intentions of arousing any tension around Zelos for I had not a clue on how to confront the problem. From the little I saw of her, I judged that she seemed contempt with how things were, busying herself in the league. Besides, did I deserve her attention after what I had done to her?

Every night, my words came back to taunt me. The last words I said to her.

I began to sleep through the days, waking just before midnight, to spend the coolest and quietest part of the day by myself. It allowed me to avoid pretty much all contact with anyone. I didn't want others to know of my guilt. It was like a curse, everyone who I ever became friends with had something terrible happen to them, and it was always my fault.

Why me?

* * *

One night I wondered in the woods, something I had grown accustomed to, it became a better way to pass time than summoning. I walked for several hours, usually making a loop of around a dozen miles before returning to the institute. I walked down the valley that was behind the house, it was thickly forested, and my movements were obscured by the thunder of the waterfall up river and the rush of the water as it ran northwards up the valley.

Only about half an hour out from home, I came across a strange noise. Curiosity drew me closer, the noise becoming recognizable as the sharpening of a metal blade. I snuck nearer, taking every pace with great care as to not be noticed. I halted just outside the edge of a clearing to find Irelia sitting in the moonlight, sharpening her blade with a bluish stone. I blinked, she was beautiful, her armour glinting ever so slightly in the dim. Her long straight hair partly covering her face, which, even partially obscured, still showed its signature look of concentration.

She put down the sharpening stone and ran her fingers around the carvings in the metal. Then, slowly, she stood up, her blade now hovering at her side. I noticed a pile of what looked like wooden poles, each about two feet long, by her side, which she also raised into the air. These she spread out in a circle just smaller than the clearing, a good few dozen paces across, they hovered just above head height.

The warrior took position in the centre, raising her blade, ready to strike. Then, seemingly at her command of readiness, one of the poles shot towards her, closing the gap with the warrior in a mere second, before, with a clean ring of the metal, being cut from the sky. The others followed, one by one, at a slowly increasing pace. Each of them sliced from the air by the graceful precision granted by years of the soldier's hard practice.

When all of the targets had run out, she again stood defiantly in the centre of the clearing, blade just above her side. Again I found myself awkwardly staring at her. She was not particularly substantial, much like Akali, her limbs were thin, deceiving of the impressive strength they had in them. It was this combination of strength and lightness was what made the two able to dart around the battlefield. But the warrior was not small either, even several years after we first met, I had yet to catch up to her height.

She flicked some of the hair out from in front of her face, leaving it hanging neatly with the rest. _She is beautiful_, I thought, almost at ease, relieved from dark thoughts, I sighed ever so slightly. But then I froze.

"Gilion," she called out in a soft, yet commanding tone. "I need to talk to you."

_Fuck._ I sneered to myself. _You got carried away and now you are going to pay for it._ I rarely swore, and when I did it I meant it.

Like the wind I took off, darting between the trees. I again imagined the many years back I had been darting between the trees with my father, the last time I would ever spend with him. My mind raced, thinking of where to hide. Slowly reason gave in to the part of me that just wished I was in bed, and I resolved to return home. Up the valley I went, and in several minutes I found a large oak which I knew was just down the slope from where our house was. I turned up the ridge, pulling myself up several steps of rock, and at the top, in the trees at the end of the lawn, I finally stopped. Holding my breath I listened for the slightest sound.

Nothing.

I had escaped with my life.

* * *

The summer left as quickly as it came, marked by several huge thunderstorms, stirred up by the great heat. The storms seemed to have the effect of draining all that heat from the lands, as the weeks that followed were cold again, with low clouds rolling in from the west. These brought a light but constant rain that never seemed to cease.

I returned to the summoning halls, but frustratingly still found myself unable to improve. It didn't bother me too much at first, as I cared little about it, but as time passed it became annoying, tiresome, as I slowly came to the conclusion that I was incompetent at this.

One miraculously dry August morning I collapsed.

In a fit of rage I stormed out of the summoning halls into the grey dawn. The sun had yet to rise, but it looked not like it would show itself that day. How could I fail so badly, I had done reasonably well in lane as Kassadin, and actually managed to rack up several kills roaming, but somehow, like every single other game, it seemed that I was unable to carry my team. I blamed it on my incompetence.

I stampeded up the stairs that lead up the ridge which the house was on, but at the top was stopped in my tracks.

By Irelia.

* * *

**Oh boy, look what you've gotten yourself into now…**


	13. The Rage

**Chapter 12 – The Rage**

The warrior stood defiantly at the top of the stairs, her face plain, emotionless. She was without her weapon, yet immensely intimidating she still was in its absence. From the seemingly towering height of her head, her dark eyes examined me, slowly but steadily revealing my weaknesses. _Run!_ My mind screamed, but I held my ground, focusing all my anger into returning the gaze. It could not have lasted more than ten seconds, but these were certainly the longest ten seconds I could have imagined.

"I think," she started at length, her voice taking a commanding tone. "You should try that again."

"Try what?" I shot back.

"Let's go back to the rift and give it another run." She continued, unfazed. I debated the offer. _What does she want from me?_ "What's the worst that could happen?" she interrupted my thoughts. _I guess she has a point, I don't have anything to lose…_

Without a word I turned back down the stairs towards the summoning halls. _I bet I'm going to regret this, _I thought to myself. Irelia followed me to the main entrance and then turned down the halls to the Champions Hall. The common hall was still quiet, few summoners were around in the mornings, but there were always matches going on and it didn't take me long to find one.

* * *

I was second pick. Our mid laner chose Zed, after which the enemy team took Caitlyn and Orianna. With alarmingly little hesitation I picked Irelia, and our support was Sona. The enemy support picked Annie and the jungler Lee Sin, leaving the top laner for last pick. I was beginning to get nervous as I was completely open to get countered with an aggressive enemy jungler. Our AD carry ended up picking Lucian while our jungler took Nautilus. The last pick was Jax, immediately setting my mind raging again, top was hardly my strongest lane, and now I had to play one of the most skill based matchups from the losing side.

"Could have been worse," I heard Irelia say. Wait, how the hell is she talking to me? "At least they didn't take Renekton."

"No, but they have bucket loads of late game damage." I returned before taking to thought the fact that Irelia was talking to me through the summoning sphere. I had never been addressed by a champion through the sphere before, it was supposed to be a one-directional system, where Summoner controls champion. But -

"Don't worry about that now, I can explain later," she continued, again interrupting my thought, seeming to read it as it materialized. "Focus on the task at hand."

"How am I supposed to focus with you in my head?" I asked rudely, I had little intention to show kindness.

"OK, fine," she shot back, "I won't talk." _Thank the gods for that_, I muttered to myself as we got onto the rift. I bought a Doran's Shield and health potion, not intending to do anything aggressive early on, and sent Irelia up the lane. At around one minute on the clock I placed the trinket ward in front of the enemy blue buff, and returned back to my tower. There we waited, me getting increasingly nervous, Irelia quiet and seemingly little bothered, I found it quite unnerving.

When the minions came up the lane I took a level in Equilibrium Strike and walked Irelia back and forth along the minion line. Jax remained passive, waiting for the first minion to get low, before walking up and taking it, I didn't respond, keeping Irelia on her ground and getting her last hits. When the ranged minions started going low, I sat back and waited for Jax to advance, he did as I expected. I retaliated with a stun and an autoattack, which he returned with his counter strike. I backed Irelia away, but was too slow, and took the stun followed by several autoattacks, losing the trade by a hundred or so hit points. _Damn_, I thought to myself, _that didn't go as planned._

I waited for Irelia to say something, but to my surprise and also frustration, she remained silent. It was obvious she knew what I was thinking, and she was not going to help me with it, I had told her to be quiet and she was going to stick to that.

We both hit level two at the same time, I took a point in Bladesurge and continued passively. The wave was pushing towards Jax, so when he approached to take a low health ranged minion, I stunned him again, following with two autoattacks. Again, he used his counter strike, this time however I had Irelia's Q ready. Looking for what to dashed to I found a low caster minion, but missed it, hitting a full health one instead, Jax jumped onto her, and Irelia again took the stun, but this time she was only at two hundred hit points, Jax still had over four hundred. Fearing I would get her killed so early in the lane I flashed out, which he mirrored and followed up with an ignite and several more autoattacks, finishing the Ionian off.

_Well then_, I muttered to myself as Irelia returned up the lane silently. _She really is taking this not talking seriously_. She got back to the lane before the large minion wave hit the tower, and using bladesurge in combination with her autoattacks, I managed to get last hits on all of the melee creeps. Jax returned to the lane alongside another wave of minions as the tower started hitting the dozen or so ranged ones from the previous waves. He stood just behind the ranged ones, and readied his counter strike, waiting for me to jump on the ranged minion. Irelia dashed to the creep, and I lined up her stun, but it came too slow. This was timed perfectly with the last of my minions dying, and there Irelia was, stunned in a huge creep wave which was focusing her, and Jax, who was hitting her too, stood just outside the range of the tower. With only a hundred health left she managed to get back under the tower, when Jax jumped onto her, finishing her with an autoattack.

_Oh, great. _I looked at the clock, four minutes and thirty seconds had passed, and I had already managed to give two kills over to the Jax. Even more frustrating was the Ionian's silence, I even managed to catch her chuckling as she ran up the lane again. She was still at level three and Jax had managed to get to level five. I put a ward in the tri bush, and waited under my tower for the wave to push in. It did, and again I started taking last hits. This time, when Jax readied his counter strike, I didn't send Irelia forward, instead waiting for it to time out. After that I deemed it safe again to take the back line of creeps, but how wrong I was. As I jumped out, Jax began to autoattack, and Lee Sin jumped out of the bush. There was no escaping their combined damage, even under the tower, they made quick work of the kill, and left me stunned.

"Wow," I screamed, letting go of the summoning ball. "Fuck that shit!" I cursed, stampeding out of the hall. None of the other summoners even budged. I, again, ran out of the tall stone doors that were the main entrance, and in the second fit of rage within an hour, I stormed up the streets back to the house. I heard Irelia running up behind me.

"Go away!" I shouted, she ignored me, continuing her advance. I started running, but she was still faster. "Nothing to fucking lose, eh?" I continued, "How much more humiliation do you think I can take?" I screamed continuing up the stairs we had confronted each other on earlier. The warrior was still silent.

"Stop following me," I hissed as I got past the top of the steps and kept running up the road. She again ignored me, following me up the road at a pace just faster than mine. I got to the house, where I went into a sprint down the driveway, throwing open the front door, where I turned to the warrior that had slowed her pace, coming down the driveway, seemingly hesitant to pass into my territory.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed. "Don't ever come back to me." I finished, slamming the door, and stomping upstairs past Akali, who simply stood watching me. The door of my room gave a satisfying smack against the frame as I kicked it closed before collapsing, face down, on my bed.

_I've had it._

_Why the fuck didn't I jump down after Zelos?_

_Why didn't I just sit there on the ridge and freeze to death?_

_Why am I so utterly useless?_

* * *

_What have I done?_


	14. A Walk in the Woods

**This was actually the first chapter I wrote for the story...**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – A Walk in the Woods**

"Gilion?" The warrior asked soothingly, stirring me from the mental slumber I lay in for the last hour or so. I just stared at the wall, listening as the thunderstorm raged outside, driving the sheets of thick rain into the house. There was a familiar beauty to it, the force of nature unrestrained.

_Why was she here?_ I thought to myself, unsure of how to reply. It was almost like she were one of those miserable thoughts of regret that would endlessly haunt me over my flaws.

"I thought I told you never to come back?" I returned weakly, yet to give up the words of the other morning.

"I can't leave you like this," she continued, followed by a quiet sniff. I turned over to find her sitting in the arm chair facing the window, away from my bed. The room was dimly lit by the fire that had been lit in the hearth across from where I lay. It revealed the rain driven almost horizontally past the window in front of where Irelia sat. I heard a whoosh as a gust of wind drove around the house. I took a deep breath of the slightly smoky and rather humid air, with it mingled the distinct scent of the forest, it made me sleepy. The Ionian had paused, seemingly unable to complete a sentence she could be satisfied with. I looked over at the clock, three in the morning it marked, I had been asleep, tossing around in my bed for almost twenty hours. Wanting to give the Ionian some time to form her words, I went into the bathroom with my towel and a new change of clothes.

I returned after having a long shower and washing out my mouth, my long hair draped past my shoulders, neatly brushed out of my face, already beginning to curl. The warrior still sat in the chair.

"Shall we go for a walk?" she asked, probably knowing I enjoyed walking in the rain.

"Where to?" I responded waiting in the doorway, guided mostly by curiosity, reluctant to make a decision.

"I don't really know," she answered, "I'll have to think about it."

"Alright," I replied to the first question, not particularly keen on the other options, which were to sit in my bedroom sulking or going back to The Rift, I wasn't in the mood for reading either. I went over to my wardrobe and took out a jacket, it was plain and black, but it was one of my favourites. Not too warm, but it kept the wind and the rain out on even the worst of days, my cloak I kept by the door.

_Breakfast_, I thought to myself as I went down the stairs. Irelia stayed behind, presumably already having eaten. Half way down I was washed over by a wave of scent, a pot full of mashed potatoes with a variety of vegetables and meat sat steaming somewhere. I traced it to the kitchen, where I found Akali just finishing the last mouthfuls of her bowl. I got my own and went over to the pan which stood on the stove.

It was cooked in the typical Freljordian fashion, mashed potatoes with bacon, cabbage, a wealth of herbs and other greens mixed in. The meal was considered by far and away the best for a cold night, after work, and was, especially during the winter, served almost universally throughout the northern lands. I scooped a good few ladles of it into the bowl before sitting down at the table, Akali eying me as I did so. It was pretty obvious she had prepared it, she was waiting for the satisfaction of my approval. I shot her a sharp glance.

"You don't want it?" she mocked, offering to take the bowl.

"No of course not," I responded, shoving a bit too big of a spoonful into my mouth. She grinned and walked out of the room.

"Good night," she called out, "and have fun." She giggled as she went off to her bedroom. _What's the meaning of this_, I pounced upon the potential threat of her last words. The other part of my mind just ignored this and kept shovelling the food into my mouth, I hadn't eaten for a whole day. I finished it rather hastily and picked up the bowls and began washing them in the sink. Irelia came down just as I finished.

"Ready?" She asked, returning to her commanding tone. I nodded and followed her to the door where she waited patiently, eyeing me as I put on my boots. When I finished, I looked up and stole a quick glance at her almost golden eyes to find a hint of a tear shimmering in them. Noticing me, she turned away and put on her cloak. Rather taken aback I hesitantly took my own off the rack and drew it over my shoulders. She opened the door and signalled me out, following me onto the covered porch holding a lantern in one hand. I shut the door behind her.

It was absolutely pouring, heavy drops of rain splashing on the ground with such a force that it almost seemed like a rumble. The air was cool, just less than ten degrees over freezing, and extremely moist. I stepped out into the downpour, immediately reminded by it that I hadn't put on my hood. I corrected this and marched up the driveway. Once we reached the road Irelia took the lead, taking us south-eastwards, up the ridge.

The wind came from behind, slightly to the right, fell gusts pushing our cloaks against our bodies. Water ran off the camber of the road threatening to overflow the edges of the drains. A flash lit the sky in front of us, followed around ten seconds later by a crash of thunder, muffled by the intense rainfall. A remarkable change from the previous month it was, from an almost constant greyness with a light drizzle that lasted days on end to now a tearing gale bringing with it an immense downpour. The gusts had blown the last of the leaves off the taller trees, leaving the grey skeletons standing tall around. Had the storm came a month earlier, many of the trees would probably have been blown down.

I surveyed the skies, but the clouds were too thick and the night too dark. To the right, slightly downwards glowed the Institute behind a veil of torrential rain and thick haze. Along the road, which was also lit, I could see forward no more than a few hundred metres, occasionally less, as drawn out puffs of cloud raced across driven by the gale.

Passing the edge of the town, we took down a trail on the left, it lead down into the forest where I had wondered many times earlier that summer.

"Where are we going?" I asked, realizing it was the first thing I had said since I woke.

"You'll see," she responded quietly. I scowled as we set off again, it was immensely frustrating to have to put up with this. I pondered the possibility of returning, but I was driven on by the curiosity of not knowing where the warrior would take me.

Now guided by the dim light of the lantern which she held, I followed her along the path which wound down the eastern slope. The trees here were a mix of deciduous and pines, in the weak light the only thing that distinguished them was a dark halo around the still leafy conifers.

Sticking close behind her, I could hear the warrior breath heavily. I noted the silence of her steps, purposeful and exceptionally well positioned, and each pace of my own was only more so. My legs were beginning to ache slightly, in a similar way they had when climbing Tylos, not bothersome, mildly satisfying if nothing else. My breath was also heavy, kept to a steady pace, each one drawing the cold, moist air into my almost burning hot lungs, a perfect contrast.

My eyes had yet to adjust completely to the lack of light, the thick cloud cover kept any moonlight from falling on the ground. As I looked around, I could only just make out the shadows of the trees trailing off into the distance. Deeming the sense pointless I consulted my ears, which at first seemed rather useless too, but with a bit of care I made out the rush of water, it could not have been more than a few hundred paces away, slightly to the left of forward.

The path turned rightwards, steadily going down along the valley side as it drew closer to the source of the noise, the river. The downpour had subsided somewhat and there had been no thunder for the last ten minutes or so. We turned leftwards and found the riverbed, a long rocky expanse separating the forest from the torrent. It was impossible to make out the river in this light, but I did see wisps of fog being carried up the valley on the back of the wind which here in the valley floor was a mere breeze.

Irelia started towards the torrent, again aiming slightly upstream. I was about to ask why she went that way, rather than towards the bridge, which was down river. But I shut myself up thinking about her 'you'll see' response to my last question and followed her, clambering over the rocks. The rough surface of the rocks was not particularly slippery, and hopping across the tops of them worked admirably.

Before I knew it we were standing at the edge of the torrent. The stream was hugely bloated, the white water rushing down a channel probably twice as wide and twice as deep as one would have found it on a summer day, the result of the last weeks of drizzle in the foothills being a downpour up in the mountains. It looked at least a dozen paces across, and there was nowhere to even consider putting a foot to cross.

"Upstream," she muttered and headed off, I followed her, clambering across the rocks. Before long they gave way to the wooded slope of the valley and a path veered up to the right. As we moved away from the river, another noise, also of water, but far deeper, became clear, the waterfall. The quick climb levelled out, and out of the trees we at once were again, this time greeted to the lower end of a long, rounded basin by an icy spray blown in our faces. The cliffs, noticeable as tall shadows, rose to either side as we scrambled up the path towards the waterfall.

It came into view as we passed around a wall of rock which stuck out of the side of the ravine into a spray filled bowl which contained the waterfall at its opposite end. As it made the 50 metre drop into the valley floor it sucked with it immense volumes of air, which once at the bottom, blew gustily in every direction, picking up the fine mist and soaking everything within seconds. A pool lay at the centre of the bowl, white capped ripples radiating out from where the water hit its surface.

In a more cautious pace, slowed by the slipperiness of the rocks, the warrior led me along the right side of the basin, climbing up slightly as we neared the cascade. Reaching the sheer wall of rock the path became a ledge that someone had almost certainly hewn out of the stone. We followed this narrow shelf until we were almost directly behind the curtain of white which thundered only a couple of feet away from the cliff.

Behind the waterfall it narrowed further, forcing us to shuffle along sideways as drops of water were driven down upon us by the wind which blew down with it. Almost past the torrent we were when suddenly all turned black. I froze, not wanting to step even a fraction of a pace without being able to see my step.

Irelia tapped me on my right shoulder, she might have said something, but it was impossible for anything to be heard over the thunder of the water. _Great, now what_, I thought to myself, _she's probably run off too…_

A slight shuffle to my right confirmed this, but by the time I had moved a few inches my eyes had adjusted to the even deeper gloom. I could just see the outline of the rock as I edged forward, before it slowly widened and distanced itself from the waterfall. It then gave way to a rocky slope which I scrambled down to find the warrior waiting beside the pool.

"Good, this way," she said before turning down the valley. This time the path kept to the edge of the forest, saving us from climbing across the boulders of the riverbed. A few hundred metres past the end of the bowl the path turned up the side of the valley. Here the forest had a much more substantial undergrowth which grew out into the narrow path as it wound up the slope. It was bad enough having to cut a way through the plants, and not having a light further slowed our progress.

A flash of lightning marked an increase in the intensity of the rain, followed only five seconds later by a crash and rumble. As we climbed further up the valley side the vegetation grew thinner, easing our passage, but without the plants the wind now blew stiffly around us. Reaching the top of the ridge we joined another path which we followed to the right, continuing upwards. Another flash of lighting, this time in clear view, struck a peak to our left, followed by a sharp crack which drew out into a long roll of thunder.

The exertion of the climb was keeping my core relatively warm, but as the wind blew, a biting cold took over my arms which hung idle in the soaking sleeves of my shirt. Wrapping them closely around me, I kept following the warrior up the weathered path. I was beginning to feel sleepy when I suddenly bumped into her back.


	15. Tension

**Chapter 14 - Tension**

_Awkward_, I thought to myself, yawning and looking up to find a building ahead of us. It was approached by a short flight of maybe half a dozen stairs, with a raised wooden floor and no walls around the outside but a small square room in the middle. The roof had a shallow slope to it and covered the floor and a good few feet around it. Under the roof hung a small lamp, searing bright after the darkness we climbed the hill through. I looked around, searching for an explanation to the lack of wind, we were again surrounded by tall trees, despite being higher up the ridge. Irelia sat down on the steps, signalling me to her side and beginning to take off her boots, without words I did the same. Our footwear was left on the stairs, under the roof, after which we went up onto the wooden deck and took off our soggy socks.

"Where are we?" I asked as she vanished into the small room.

"Your curiosity never ceases to amaze me," the warrior muttered from inside.

"And?" I snapped back, my temper still short. "If you've got a problem with it, you should maybe just leave me at home."

"I never said there was anything wrong with it," unfazed, she held her ground. "Just that, were I in your position, I would be asking for a dry change of clothes, a fire, and some warm food."

I sighed, dropping the conversation.

_What the fuck kind of answer was that?_ A part of me screamed as I leaned against the wall, slowly sitting down. That part detached from me physically, forming another me, who towered above as I cowered against the wall. _Who the fuck do you think you are?_ The whip came down with a crack, I flinched, turning away from it. _Useless!_ It now came down on my back, harder, but the pain of the strike did not match the first, yet the words were louder, rebounding within my head. _You don't deserve your life!_ Again it cracked, this time I hardly felt it, I was beyond pain as it struck me again and again. The last thought echoed, and with every blow it became louder and louder.I thrashed around in an attempt to silence it, but only louder it became, rattling my brain, stinging my ears.

A warm nudge woke me from the punishment. I looked up from behind my knees to find the warrior in front of me. Her cheeks were blushed slightly from the cold, revealing a seemingly softer expression. A hand of slender fingers took one of mine, gently tugging it away from my face. A calmness took over me as I gave way to her soundless request, I could not find its source as she pulled me to my feet, but I accepted it none the less.

Then she led me down a covered walkway, the rain intensifying, pattering down on each side. Several other passages branched off to the sides, each leading to another roof. We turned left along one of these, but ahead I could not see a roof. Down several steps we passed through a narrow gap in the trees, and there it was hidden.

The walkway led us into a short hall, one room on each side each taking one of the quarters of the building, at the end a larger one, without walls, filling the other half. I followed her through a sliding door in the room on our right, a wide seat lay along the right wall, several decorations, seeming to resemble ancient battles along the opposite. The far wall consisted of several sliding doors, presumably covering wardrobes and shelves, and separating them from the door we entered was a large, thick carpet. The Ionian walked across, and opening one of the slides she handed me a light, silky shirt and a somewhat thicker pair of trousers, then after a bit of searching also a grey ceremonial cloak.

"Your mother made these for you a while back," she muttered, turning back to the drawers. "Not sure why they were never given to you." She pulled out a long silk dress. "Take those wet clothes off before you freeze," she said, leaving the room. The garments she gave me were somewhat akin to my father's ceremonial dress*, but more simple, and of course lacking all the badges he had accumulated over the years.

She had drawn my attention to the fact that I was positively freezing, yet for all the time since the waterfall I had ignored it, by instinct. Yet, I had clung to that instinct, and strangely enough I only noticed and let it go when she told me about it.

I yawned deeply before quickly changing, simply throwing my other clothes on the floor before collapsing on the settee.

* * *

When I woke, she paced along the opposite end of the room, I lay on my chest, silently admiring her inaudible steps. She now wore the plain silk dress, it covered her entirely, trailing down behind her ankles. It emphasized how slender and tall the warrior was, almost elvish she seemed, especially her straight posture. Yet almost like a ghost, clad in white, a sharp contrast against her long black hair. Without looking my way she seemed to acknowledge that I had woken and left the room.

"Come," the gentle voice called back. I turned my neck, freeing a muscle that had been bothering me since I had showered, then I got up slowly and retraced her steps. I found her in the larger, open room, sitting cross legged on the floor, facing to the left. Without a sound I sat behind her, taking the same straight posture, looking in the opposite direction. The floor was warm, heated from underneath, something pioneered in the Freljord, brought to Ionia before the great wars, steadily improved over the years.

I closed my eyes and slowly drew in a deep breath, then even slower I let it out, taking what seemed like at least a minute before returning to normal. I felt my senses blink momentarily, settling to an almost surreal crystal clarity. The rain had ceased, leaving my ears to pick up the faint, but now ever more distinct splashes of water falling off branches and leaves. Each made a distinct sound as it hit the ground revealing how it fell, its size, and often what it fell from. Ever so slowly, I decoded the noise and formed an image, the landscape around, it held my interest for at least an hour.

Searching for a different sound, I found hooves in the soft soil of the valley below, a deer, not yet fully grown. It stalked around, but I could not find what it was doing exactly, as I was startled by the flick of a branch, no more than a dozen paces away, a loud crack in comparison to the distant steps. An owl it was, given away by a ruffle of feathers as the bird drew into the turbulent winds aloft.

Each sound I separated from the rest, building the scene of the land around, without even seeing it, before all that was left was the beating of two hearts. Irelia's slow and gentle in comparison to mine, stuttering and uncertain, I hopelessly tried to slow its pace, but it was impossible. Defeated, I listened to hers, slightly envious, slightly curious, as it lulled me to sleep.

* * *

***The best description of this I could give would be Lord Celeborn from Lord of the Rings…**


	16. White Shroud

**Chapter 15 – White Shroud**

It was light when I opened my eyes, the warrior had left me alone. I got up and walked to the edge of the platform, looking eastwards. It had begun to snow, barely a few minutes ago it must have started for nothing covered the wet ground yet. I could still see far into the distance, the grey-green hills extending eastwards against a white sky. The clouds were low, thicker and darker to the south, where they shrouded the mountains just above the snowline, as if some giant had come with a paint brush and painted everything above a certain point white.

The snow steadily intensified in the calm north-westerly breeze, slowly clouding the previously impeccable visibility. I leaned into the railing, slowly breathing the cold, clammy air, admiring the beauty of the land. So entrancing it was that I failed to notice Irelia stalking up behind me. She startled me, putting her warm hands on my shoulders. I made no protest to the almost soothing touch I had previously shied away from. She moved closer, trapping me on either side with her long arms, and behind with her warm chest. There was something about the Ionian's touch, the warmth, the tenderness, the silence of it that I simply could not resist and back away from.

We stood there for a while, and I paid close attention to the warrior. There was something strange about her, she seemed apprehensive of something, slightly nervous and unusually tense. I ignored it, preferring to watch the land as it turned slowly to white.

She broke the silence at last: "Come," she breathed into my ear, "the food's ready." She finished, walking back to the rooms. I followed her into the right one, the one I hadn't been in yet, where there was a small, steep stair case down into a huge, warm room, its dimensions matching the outer edges of the building. It was comparatively gloomy, even compared to the winter morning under the thick clouds, lit only by a small set of lights in the centre, around the top of the chimney. Underneath, a small fire burned, it gave off a scent almost like that of a dragon, smoky, with a hint of ash, a smell I hadn't come across in ages, yet seemed so familiar.

In front of us there was a smallish table with two bowls of soup, the source of the other scent, and further back a small kitchen area. The far wall was covered in shelved books in front of which there were a few armchairs. To the left several maps hung above a desk, there was also a rack with several different blades, most of them looked like typical Ionian swords. Turning to the wall behind where we entered, my eyes came across Irelia's glinting quartet and several sets of armour.

The warrior studied me as I looked around her room and when I finished my eyes crossed with hers momentarily, but my bashfulness set them upon something else almost immediately. Thankfully, she sat down at the table, signalling me to the seat across from her. I looked over her cookwork momentarily before tucking in, the warrior eyeing me curiously as I did so. It was a tofu based soup, almost like miso, but with a lot more vegetables: Taugé, spinach, lettuce. And also some fish. It was delicious.

The Ionian smiled with the cook's satisfaction as I finished the last bit, cautiously returning her a friendly glance, a silent thank you, before getting up and taking the dishes to the sink. While I washed them, Irelia busied herself tending the fire, before sitting down in one of the armchairs.

"I suppose I've answered at least part of your question," she said after a long pause, drawing me to the realization that I was actually feeling much better than I had felt since Zelos had died, I nodded in reply. "But, I'd also like to take you onto the rift again." These words I found a little less welcome. "I'll try being a little more helpful than last time, if you let me." She continued, noting my disapproval. Seeing that I had almost finished, the Ionian got up and helped put away the dishes and the cutlery into their drawers and cupboards.

She handed me my cloak, which was already dry again, adjusted the flue, then giving me a soft glance which made me blush uncomfortably, led me up the stairs and out onto the walkways. The snow had piled up at least half a foot already and was still falling quite heavily. It was quite gloomy under the thick layers of cloud, even though it must have been around midday. The Ionian showed me to a smallish room, with a table and a single summoning sphere in the centre.

When I summoned her we appeared in an unfamiliar place, looking around, I found a snowy courtyard, lined at the edges by low wooden buildings. It seemed like somewhere up on the ridge, among the buildings where we had been, but my thought was interrupted by the warrior.

"Gilion," she repeated, finally getting my attention. "Ready?" she asked rather apprehensively, shivering ever so slightly in the cold.

All around the courtyard stood practice dummies, many of them battered from previous use, a few dozen it must have been. She dashed to one, knocking it down with a single swipe.

"When you are on the rift," she explained, raising her blades high above her, before sweeping them down around her back and returning them to her side. "I am your weapon. I am but an extension to you." I nodded. "And, just like with a weapon, knowing its every trick, every secret, is the key to making the best use of it."

I followed her every move as she again dashed to another target, taking it down and almost instantly continued to the next, the momentum of the first strike continuing into the second. Next there were a pair of dummies next to each other. _Dash to the first, equilibrium strike the second. _The move was not as fluent as I had envisioned, but after several other tries I had gotten the hang of it.

A little while later she stood defiantly in the centre of the courtyard, a mess of footprints marking every move she showed me. Around the edge were left ten targets. Irelia chuckled lightly before jumping from one to the next, taking but a second between each strike, and before I could notice, she had returned to her original position.

"Ready now?" she asked again, slightly out of breath.

"Yes," I returned quietly, but confidently.

* * *

Before I knew it, we were there, on the Rift.

"Minions have spawned," the announcer called as we reached our tower.

"You're a lot more calm than yesterday," Irelia noted, it was true, I was actually focused on what I needed to do.

I sent her up into the minion line, ready to begin taking last hits, as Zed also walked into the lane from the river.

"Where's he come from?" the warrior reminded me, beginning to hit the minions. I alerted my team that Rengar had probably started on his red buff. "We can be aggressive." Zed used a shuriken on one of the caster minions. "Now," she called. Bladesurge to the minion, then hitting several autoattacks on Zed, who had nothing to respond with, and bladesurge back to the last minion of the wave. It worked.

At level four I did the same, also using her stun on Zed to get a few more attacks on him, but this time I had not waited for him to use his abilities, he returned with a pair of shurikens and his shadow slash, the trade went sour, and had it not been for us having the level advantage, Zed might have been able to get the kill.

"Too impulsive." She muttered, using the last few health potions. The wave pushed slowly back to our turret, I noted Fiddlesticks coming up the river. Zed used his shuriken and I opened the trade again, but had jumped the gun, the entire minion wave was attacking the warrior, but just before Zed could turn around and use his combo, Fiddlesticks flashed out of the bush, fearing Zed and taking the kill. It was a narrow escape, Irelia survived with just under a hundred hitpoints. I pushed out the wave before recalling under the turret.

"Again, too impulsive."

"I guess," I grumbled, beginning to get frustrated. From the shop we got a pair of Doran's blades before setting back up the lane.*

"This time, try building up your minion line, and use it to force a trade." She suggested. This worked far better, the minion wave had piled up just outside our turret, and Zed had to use his shurikens to get the last hits, and seizing the opportunity I dashed to a low minion and stunned Zed, starting the trade. The second bladesurge, as he jumped to his living shadow, managed to dodge the slow from his shadow slash, and with the help of Irelia's transcendent blades we got the kill.

* * *

We didn't stop until well after midnight, finishing the last teamfight with a flash-stun engage onto the enemy Caitlyn, which ended the game with a quadrakill. It was exhausting, I had begun to focus entirely on the matches yet was still nervous of disappointing the Warrior. Stretching my arms after I put down the summoning sphere then walked over to the door, waiting there watching the flakes of snow drift slowly to the ground until the warrior arrived.

"Not too bad was that?" she asked, pacing up the walkway, now changed back to her snowy, white gown.

"I guess," I grumbled, looking at the floor. A nimble finger slid under my chin when she reached me, locking our eyes into a distant gaze, I noticed the slightest hint of a tear forming in the corner of hers. She hesitantly pulled me into a tight embrace, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before dragging me off the walkway, into the knee deep snow. My throat began to feel heavy as I listened to the Ionian's tense heart beating away in her warm chest. I recalled that evening in Palaroth, the day I drew first blood. She was still the same warm warrior I had met years back, running her fingers through my now longer curls in exactly the same way. _She had come back for me._

We stood there, tears welling in our eyes, under the black sky, with the white flakes of snow falling heavily around us until my legs were numb. After each of us had a hot shower, we sat on the balcony of her house, feet dangling over the edge, sipping through a steaming pot of tea. Sitting in silence, I simply leaned against her, staring into the darkness as she hummed a slow tune.

The song began to form in my thought, its words becoming a subconscious thought. I first wanted to rid myself of it, frightened, yet I felt drawn towards the lyrics which slowly became clear.

_Forget what's said_

_And hear me sing to you_

_How I've set out to kill my soul_

_The nightward ways_

_The labour it brings_

_The verdict that I came for_

_Migration's song_

I shivered, again swallowing the bulge in my throat.

"Let's go to sleep," the Ionian whispered, noting my discomfort. Quietly getting up and taking me to sit down on the bed that lay against the wall. She got under the sheets immediately, leaving me sitting gingerly on the edge, pausing at the thought of getting into the same bed as her. A gentle tug at my right hand dissolved my doubts.

I lay there staring out from under the roof towards where the Ionian foothills rose into the mountains to our south. None of it could be seen, shrouded by the veil of night and the curtain of snowfall. The warrior pulled me backwards, closer to her, with little effort, cradling me against her warm body, still looking away from her. My senses tingled at the contact, then froze as she planted a kiss on my neck just below my ear.

There was something about her touch, something about her every move, a certain steadiness, this purpose, a meaning.

_Did she love me?_

The question lingered in my doubtful mind, all my misfortune since I had met her flashing before my eyes. She was still awake, skilfully weaving her fingers in and out of mine, as she held them over my thumping chest.

"Do you?" I murmured, hesitating as tears welled in my eyes. "Love me?" I stammered at length, barely keeping myself from breaking into sobs at my mistrust. She hesitated for the slightest of moments.

"Yes," she whispered into my ear, sprawling her hand over my chest, above my now frantically beating heart. Tears dripped off my face. "I love you more than I could ever have imagined loving anything." Her gentle voice trailing off into the slightest of sniffs. I gently lifted her hand to my lips, kissing the back of it with uncanny gentleness, leaving it back on my chest where it absently traced random figures as I slowly slid into a blissful sleep.

* * *

***Regarding item/balance considerations, it might be important to note that this is set in early Season 4.**

**Oh, if anyone is wondering, the song that appears in this chapter is The Parting by Katatonia**


	17. Defeat

**I was not 100% sure how to go about the battle scenes, but I think this perspective is alright to work with. Maybe you guys can give some feedback :)**

* * *

**Chapter 16 - Defeat**

I woke with a start, finding the Irelia's arms still wrapped around me, she stirred but settled again quickly. The storms had passed, leaving thick piles of snow everywhere, I wanted to get up and have a look, but it felt wrong to disturb the warrior. So there I lay, listening to the silence of the morning, watching through the narrow gap under the roof, as the milky sun cast grey shadows across the white hills. Cool and dreamy it felt, yet pleasantly contrasted by the warmth of Irelia's embrace. I had never felt anything like it: Calm yet overwhelmed, yet I could never pin down exactly what it was that buried me in this cascade of emotions. I felt safe, yet inadequate. Protected, yet exposed. It all left me uncomfortable, unable make anything coherent out of the feeling. I honestly hated that, it was unpleasant and confusing, so instead I just tried to revel in the way she held me in her comforting grasp.

Just as I was about to fall asleep again, the Ionian stirred, this time brushing her chin up against my bare shoulder. She remained silent, yet seeming to read my thoughts gingerly released me from her warm embrace. I slowly got up and walked over to the corner of the platform and sat on the edge, leaning against the thick wooden pillar.

It was breath-taking, a crystal clear view of seemingly endless ridges and valleys, down near where the coast would be descending into a thin but solid sea of fog. The mass of white was only broken by the not-entirely covered parts of the trees and the now blue sky in which hung a dim, yellow sun, just out of view, high above the mountains to the south. It must have been around noon already.

Drawing my fingers through my hair, I found a tangled mess; _I ought to have a shower_.

* * *

I was nervous again, this burning desire to win my lane against Jayce mirroring the gnawing threat of losing it. He pushed us under our tower for the first few waves, but after that, the lane remained relatively uneventful, we managed to dodge most of his ranged attacks, only taking a few autos when Irelia dashed forward to a deep minion then quickly back out to another. At least I was quick enough to keep her out of the way of his shockblasts. Neither jungler showed, and when we had farmed up just enough to buy a Sheen and a few more health potions we pushed up, recalled and walked back into lane.

"Items," Irelia reminded me when Jayce returned, he had bought a tear and two long swords. We should have the advantage, she had reached her power spike, level 9, and Jayce was hardly a tanky champion. As the lane reset, I eyed my opportunity, keeping inside the bush. He walked forward to take a ranged creep, and there it was, I didn't hesitate the slightest, sending the warrior charging forward to a low minion. The fight was over within seconds, Jayce having no time to react to the initial stun, and when it wore off, it was already too late: The burst of her transcendent blades and the Sheen killing him instantly.

The relief as she pushed out the lane and recalled was mesmerising, even the warrior seemed a little stunned at how perfectly the fight went.

"Teleport back up immediately," she said as I bought a second Doran's Blade and a pair of boots. I did exactly as she commanded, pushing the returning minions straight back under his tower. She stood patiently at the edge of the bush as the lane reset, I grinned slightly as Jayce walked up to the minion line, and just as he came within range of her stun, jumped on him. However, this time Kha'zix was there to help him, I glanced at the minion wave to see if there was a minion to jump out on, the cannon minion was about to get low. Finishing the kill on Jayce took a little longer without Irelia's Transcendent Blades, but a final Bladesurge did the trick. As the warrior jumped back into the minion line Kha'zix followed, she had taken a lot more damage this time, largely due to Jayce using his ignite.

"Turn," she quickly commanded just as we reached our caster minions, I did so, conveniently finding her Equilibrium Strike and Transcendent Blades ready. I was as surprised as the bug at how quickly we won the fight, yet it was on a knife's edge; one more autoattack from him and she would have died. So tense I got that even I was breathing heavily and almost forgot to push out the lane. The warrior sharply reminded me of my error and I corrected it before returning to the fountain.

"Not bad," she remarked rather harshly, I frowned at her words, to which she laughed heartily in response. Our team had taken Dragon when Kha'zix showed himself in the top lane, I walked the warrior up to the top lane again, as Lee Sin readied for a gank. It was unsuccessful, as Jayce had already warded the river, but we managed to take the tower without any conflict.

I turned my attention to our mid laner, who was conveniently getting shoved under his tower by Syndra. Lee Sin followed the warrior down.

"She's dead," Irelia remarked blandly immediately after the mage threw out her Scatter the Weak at Ziggs just as the two Ionians ran out from the bush. There was nothing to it, a Bladesurge and Equilibrium Strike along with Lee's Sonic Wave was enough to take her out. The three champions made quick work of the tower, all recalling together around its ruins. It was barely 10 minutes into the match, but I had enough money for a Trinity Force.

We snuck up to the slowly pushing top lane through the river, and just as Jayce cleared out the last minion wave the warrior jumped from the bushes, quickly taking him down, even without her transcendent blades.

"Too bad we couldn't freeze that." She remarked, taking the minion wave under the tower. It would have been hugely powerful, teleport would be ready in half a minute and we could slow push the lane so someone had to respond while we moved elsewhere. When it reset I decided to clear it out fast, shoving it right up to the inner turret before moving through the red buff area of the bug's jungle. It was all empty.

We ignored the mage who stood, useless, under her inner tower, well clear of the minion wave, as we continued on towards the bottom lane. Lee Sin was ready to set up a gank, and Kha'Zix would likely be around the area. We could probably clear out the fight easily if he came as our bottom lane was already two kills up on theirs. A bladesurge on to a caster minion put the Ionian next to Caitlyn, she finished the kill with a second dash after the carry jumped away. The rest of the team took Thresh, who made the mistake of staying under the tower. We then took both the outer and inner tower before recalling, the dragon spawned just as we returned, the team started it off, as I had Irelia wait in the corner of the river so she could surprise any unsuspecting visitor. It came quick enough, Syndra, who showed herself by throwing a dark sphere right where the warrior stood. I flashed across to her, and with a stun made quick work of her. Thresh had also come to try to save the mage, but instead ended up dying when I continued the fight onto him and Ziggs threw out his Mega Inferno Bomb right on top. There was no more competition, we already had too big of a lead for the enemy team to recover, and after our team made a really clean 4v4 tower dive on the mid inner while Irelia stayed top keeping Jayce busy, they surrendered.

* * *

It was enough, the short match too exhilarating, the warrior's unleashed power too much for me to handle. I simply put down the summoning sphere and sat on the edge of the walkway, looking southwards towards the snow covered mountains. It only took a few moments for the warrior to join me, taking a seat next to me, pulling me to her side.

"Did I scare you?" she asked slowly, in a calm tone.

"A bit," I responded, down-toning the answer a little bit. I felt her chuckle silently.

"You scared me a little," she started again, "especially that first kill, it was utterly flawless." I cocked my head to one side, I hardly found it too remarkable, considering the circumstances. "Maybe we should look over the match while you calm down, there's a lot I should explain." I shrugged, silence following.

After a while the Ionian stood up, pulling me to my feet again. Back in the summoning room we sat down across from each other, the sphere in the middle, and re-entered the rift, watching the game together from my perspective.

She quickly rushed through the first minutes, only remarking my quick response to Jayce's abilities, pausing it just before the Bladesurge that lead to the first kill.

"What's he doing?"

I wasn't really sure what she was asking.

"He walked too far forward?" I responded slowly.

"Noooo," Irelia corrected, dragging the short word out a little.

"He's," I paused. "Autoattacking?" I completed, unsure whether it was an answer remotely close to what she was looking for.

"So?" she asked, my answer was correct, but not finished.

"I dunno."

"Why is that Bladesurge timed perfectly, down to the width of a hair?" she hinted.

"Ehh," I hesitated.

"He can't…" The Ionian started.

"Respond?" I hesitated again.

"Exactly," she exclaimed, "he's autoattacking, so when if you jump on him right then, there's no possible way he can do anything before he's stunned." _Makes sense_, I thought to myself.

"And," she added, "you held on to the Transcendent Blades until after you hit the Equilibrium strike."

"Otherwise he wouldn't have been stunned," I remarked.

"Correct."

She quickly went on to the double kill, playing it through slowly.

"That was close," she noted. "I wasn't sure whether it would work." I didn't have a response. "One thing you should really try to take advantage of is how much they are over-extending." She continued, skipping quickly through the rest of the match. "It's the easiest way to get kills to snowball off from, you just need to pay attention and time your roams well." We returned back to the summoning room. "Let's try get another good match." She said, getting up and leaving, I watched her slender silhouette for a moment, then turned back to the sphere that lay in front of me. _She's beautiful_, I thought to myself with a sigh, slowly running my hand through my hair. I felt rather tired and not really particularly in the mood to play another match, but I went back on the rift with her regardless.

The second match was appalling, I misjudged the damage of the Shyvana at level 3, we had to recall which set us back a lot in experience and gold, and when I did find a favourable fight, the enemy jungler had showed up and turned it around. The rest of the team did even worse, the bottom lane getting double killed at level 2 and when he went mid to gank the Katarina, the tower dive went horribly wrong, giving her a double kill. I tried to fight Shyvana again at level 7, but she had already become too strong for the Ionian.

_Unlucky_, was all the warrior remarked, before we went in for the third time. We again lost, this time a somewhat longer game, we were relatively even for the first 20 minutes, but our Vayne got caught out again and again. Our team composition was not any good either, Irelia was the only one who dived, and each time I sent her charging into the back lines, she would get focused and killed. By half an hour we had fallen behind by 12 kills, and now they simply dived us under our towers. I was becoming increasingly frustrated; "Dammit, what am I supposed to do?" I shouted at the Ionian, she said nothing. When the match ended, she finally responded in a stern voice, "Calm down and get into another match." I followed her directions.

We were against a Renekton, I started off the lane with cloth armour and potions, it was the safer start. I kept passive for the first few levels, it didn't go too badly, but as the lane pushed returned to his side after being pushed under our tower, Xin Zhao appeared from the lane bush, I flashed away, but the two flashed after her and got the kill. I was trying my hardest not to burst out in rage.

"Oh well, not much we could do there," the warrior remarked back on the base fountain, she was right. We returned to lane with a pair of Doran's Blades, it could keep our sustain up while we farmed towards a Trinity Force. Renekton tried to force a fight at level 6 with his ultimate, which he got just before us, but Irelia's equilibrium strike stopped him in his tracks. We waited for the buff to time out, and forced our own trade. It went surprisingly well, he was forced out of the lane. I pushed it in and recalled. The rest of the team wasn't doing too well, Fizz had died once to LeBlanc, and our bottom lane had got zoned for quite a while after Xin ganked several times. Our Rengar hadn't really done much other than farm, but maybe with his ultimate he would be able to do something.

We returned to the top lane with a dagger and boots, I wanted to try to force another trade on Renekton, but it turned out to be a mistake as the minion wave was pushing back towards us and Irelia didn't have her Transcendent Blades available. We were stuck under our tower, and when Xin Zhao came back top they dived us. Considering the circumstances it didn't go too terribly. By stunning Xin Zhao, who was taking the turret damage, we managed to kill him and clear out the minion wave before Renekton finished the kill. Without the minions he couldn't take the tower, and Rengar walked into lane, giving the alligator no choice but to back off.

I sent the warrior up the middle lane, to see if we could help Fizz, but LeBlanc's trade was too strong. She did use her escapes to kill him, which allowed us, with the help of Rengar to finish her off, we only got the assist, and had to return to the top lane before we could push mid out. Renekton was too strong for us to fight and we were still far away from getting a Trinity Force. It meant we couldn't take advantage of the level 9 power spike we had, and we ended up zoned away from the minion wave for a long time.

The enemy team took the dragon after killing our bottom lane, which I could not make any response to, instead I just kept the warrior farming whatever she could in the top lane. When Renekton showed mid, trying to catch Fizz, who managed to dodge LeBlanc's chains, we pushed out to the tower. The large minion wave helped destroy it quite quickly, however, I had expected Renekton to return to top. Instead he took advantage of our over-extended bottom lane, I cancelled Irelia's recall and continued pushing the lane. Much to my disappointment the gank worked very well for the enemy team, and Rengar's counter was too weak and too late as Nami and Vayne were both almost dead when he jumped in.

_Double kill!_

_Triple kill!_

Kog'maw got all three of them. This is going to get out of hand very quickly, I thought to myself. Their AD Carry had five kills within twenty minutes.

"We did what we could," Irelia remarked, taking down the inner tower. "Now we need to put our pressure on the rest of the map." I bought Trinity Force and headed up the middle lane, following the enemy's movements after they had destroyed our bottom tower.

They set up a siege and we tried our best to wave clear, but our team had too little range. Vayne got caught off guard by a hook from Thresh, and Rengar tried to follow in. But it was a stupid idea, Vayne was practically dead, so we were effectively outnumbered. I didn't bother to follow up.

_Godlike!_

I could feel the frustration boiling up inside me. I had almost no control over how the match was going, but I kept my focus. After destroying our middle tower, Kog'maw and Thresh returned to the bottom lane, which Fizz had been pushing out, but the rest of the enemy team stayed and pushed to our inner tower. I was alone with Nami.

I held the warrior just under the tower, waiting for the enemy to make their move. LeBlanc was the first to engage, throwing a Sigil then Distorting on top of Irelia. I was quick, already having readied the Ionian's stun, it landed perfectly, pinning the mage under the turret shots. Renekton and Xin Zhao tried to follow, but Nami landed a very well positioned Aqua Prison, stunning the two fighters before they could get to Irelia. After quickly killing LeBlanc, I dashed the warrior forward to the Demacian, the less tanky of the two, but he quickly responded with his Crescent Sweep, knocking the other warrior away while he retreated.

We recalled and bought some more defensive items before going to the top lane, which was conveniently pushing towards our tower. The Dragon spawned just as I had cleared out the minion wave, and I prepared to teleport Irelia in, keeping a close eye on the enemy team's positioning. But before I could find the right time, LeBlanc managed to jump onto Vayne, who died almost immediately. The rest of the team backed out, letting the enemy take a second dragon. My anger boiled, Vayne constantly was getting caught out, she was probably the main reason we were losing so hard at the moment. Fizz had only died twice, but was managing to keep up in farm, and the rest of the team was also trying their best, but it was all offset by Vayne constantly dying.

I backed out of the top lane as the enemy team began to rotate upwards. They took the last outer turret uncontested, and began to prepare to start Baron, Nami was smart enough to have placed a ward on it previously, but they destroyed it. Vayne joined us again and Nami placed a second ward over the wall, revealing they had started fighting Nashor. Rengar and Fizz jumped over the wall as Vayne and Nami followed Irelia through the river. LeBlanc, Thresh, and Renekton turned to meet us, I jumped past them, aiming straight for the enemy carry, but Xin Zhao knocked the warrior away and when I flashed on Kog'maw he flashed away, barely living.

One autoattack, that was all it would have taken to kill Kog'maw, it could have won us the fight. Instead we lost horribly, giving Kog'maw three more kills and letting the enemy team take Baron. The warrior and I were both tense, I felt it, she felt it. I kept my temper at bay, but Irelia knew I was losing it.

"Good try," one of the other summoners remarked, "If we coordinate a dive on Kog'maw we should still be able to win."

"He's right Gilion, we can win if we focus." Irelia said calmly.

I went top to clear out the minion wave as the enemy team ran down our middle lane. There was no way we could defend it without wave clear. After they destroyed the inhibitor, LeBlanc tried to kill Fizz, who dodged all the mage's damage, then jumped back in. I engaged from behind, targeting Kog'maw. Thresh turned to protect the carry, but Irelia's damage was still too much. Fizz also took down LeBlanc, and we chased the enemy out of our base.

The Dragon was about to spawn again, and Thresh, who was setting up wards in our jungle, got caught by Rengar, who made quick work of the support. I sent Irelia to the top lane again, and the rest of the team began to prepare for a fight. Kog'maw and LeBlanc respawned and got into position too.

"They are going pretty far forward considering they are a man down," the Ionian remarked. She was correct, they had probably forgot about our Teleport. As the enemy walked down the ramp into the river, I sent the warrior to a ward behind them, again jumping Kog'maw. Fizz and Rengar came too, killing the Icathian instantly. We then turned to LeBlanc, before helping Nami and Vayne finish the enemy front line. _Maybe we did stand a chance_, we had gotten a lot of gold back from them messing around in our base after they took the inhibitor, and now with dragon we had probably halved our deficit. The top lane was pushing in our advantage, and I sent Irelia with Fizz to take the inhibitor.

After all recalling, we all pushed mid, facing off the enemy team who were looking to destroy our exposed middle inhibitor. I stayed with Vayne and Nami, while the other two assassins on our team were trying to get a pick on Kog'maw. LeBlanc again made the first move, as I had expected, trying to go for Vayne, but like before I managed to stun her before she dashed back out. She also missed her chains, leaving our carry almost unscathed. We made quick work of her, while Nami disengaged, keeping the rest of the front line at a distance. Then I sent Irelia forward, reengaging right as Rengar and Fizz jumped on Kog'maw. We made quick work of the rest of them.

"Nice," one of the other summoners remarked.

"Good job guys," replied the other.

"So," Irelia said to me. "Not too terrible?"

It was so clear, all she had ever wanted was for me to be happy, for me to be at ease. She had never meant any harm, but every time she came to me I brought it upon myself. Could I let myself push her away again? I choked on the thought as we put the last few hits on the enemy nexus. I let out a deep sigh as I put down the summoning sphere, getting up to have a stretch before meeting Irelia back outside the room.

"You alright?" The warrior asked. She took my hand as we made our way, back to her residence. "I don't know how I ever could have misjudged you so badly," I said slowly, looking down at the floor in front of us. It was not a complete image, but a hint towards my feelings.

"That's in the past," she responded calmly. "It doesn't really matter."

"It does Irelia," I answered, feeling my chest grow tight and tears again start to well in my eyes. "And it lingers in the back of my mind, haunting me of how wrong I was, and reminding me that soon enough I will make another mistake." I bemoaned as we passed through the gap in the trees into her house.

"But we all make mistakes,"

"Small ones," I retorted, "they are easier to forget, and it doesn't help that I screw up constantly"

To this she didn't have an answer, yet I waited for it, looking down at my feet. While she left into the dressing room, I piled some of the extra pillows into a corner of the bed and lay face down in them.

_I ought to stop telling my problems to other people,_ I usually didn't do that because I never felt comfortable doing it. Yet around her I was trapped between wanting to try to let her help me and at the same time not burden her with my self-loathing. Just talking to her made me feel more at ease with myself, yet the sour taste it left in my mouth forever lingered, adding to the perpetual cycle of hatred I had for myself.

"Maybe you should give it some time?" she responded in a tight voice when she returned. Her tone made me afraid, I could picture the tears in her eyes and hid from them in the pile of cushions. I was too scared to face them, _Why do I do this to her?_ I asked myself, swallowing the knot in my throat. My effort to subdue the tension was instantly reversed when I felt the almost hot heat of her hand on my shoulder. She slowly, yet with gentle force, pulled me over, exposing me to her judgement. I turned my face away from hers, a futile effort to hide from the Ionian.

"Gilion," she said in a hushed tone. _Don't do it._ I repeated to myself, still keeping my eyes away from her. "Gilion?" she tried again, still without result. I felt my rage, directed at nothing specific, fizzle and begin to smolder, on the verge of breaking out into an explosion. I began to sniffle, further hampering my ability to breathe through my already tight throat. A tender finger traced its way to my chin, trying to turn my face towards her. I instinctively flipped myself back into the soft fabrics.

I couldn't do this anymore, every time she seemed to reach for parts of my emotions I simply could not let her see. I had given her glimpses of it before, and all it did was make her miserable like me. I had to leave her, there was nothing else I could do. It was all my fault too, I had let her get entangled in my torment. I should never have let anyone see those feelings, they were mine for a reason, and I should have dealt with them myself.

I felt her warm body lie down on the bed next to me, it further infuriated me. My heart began to pound and the knot in my throat became more and more tight, making it almost impossible to take in any air. I couldn't face her anymore, I couldn't face myself anymore. I was too afraid of who I'd become. Too battered by the past. Too weak.

I was defeated.


	18. Victory

**Chapter 17 - Victory**

I could feel every strand of my restraint snap, the heat of the warrior's body at my side only further agitating my already boiling blood. I wanted to lash out, try to release the tension if that were even a possibility. Yet I could find no energy to do it, I was utterly drained. I began to sob, burying my face deeper in the pillows, it was no use hiding. I had nothing left to lose, nothing to gain. I just wanted not to have to live another moment of this misery.

I didn't resist when she again moved a hand under my shoulder and lifted it, turning me on my side, facing her. When I momentarily opened my eyes between sniffs I found a worried expression on the Ionian's face, it cut deep into me, sending me deeper into my fit.

"Don't do this to me Gilion," she gasped, visibly holding back her tears. _This is why I shouldn't be with you, _I thought to myself, the simple effort of putting the words in my mouth too big of a mountain to climb. She pushed me on to my back, slowly lifting herself over my body as I clamped my eyes shut. With her so close to me the slightest of her movements sent my nerves exploding in a flurry of panic and desperate agitation. My throat tightened, the warrior now lowering her head close to mine, letting me feel her nervous breaths.

With her hands she pinned mine down, holding me in place as she hovered, hesitantly just above me. I was quickly being overwhelmed by my senses, so close we were, just like the previous night, her persistent heat quickly penetrating the thin clothes that separated our skin. However then she had been protective, comforting, yet now she loomed, almost predatorily above me.

Completely stunning me, Irelia suddenly pressed our lips together. I had breathed out just before she did, and almost thrashed out in surprise at her actions, but the kiss engulfed me, drowning out my need for air, completely overshadowing anything I could comprehend. I grew tense, unable to decipher meaning to anything that was happening, my mind swirling in previously unknown confusion. My heart ached, my empty chest feeling like a growing void, slowly consuming me from the inside. The sensation accelerated, rage, hatred, sorrow, everything clashing blindingly throughout me until suddenly I felt my tight chest shatter, releasing my heart from its death-grip on my throat. I slowly gave way to her as I felt my senses melt into a warm, buzzing syrup brought on by the Ionian's delicate touch.

Her mouth opened ever so slightly, letting the tip of her moist tongue flick out over my lips, sending a jolt of electricity through me. It echoed back and forth as I lay helpless, at the mercy of the warrior's invasion of my senses. I desperately needed something to hold on to, yet my hands were held in place. I opened my eyes, searching to keep my eyes on something instead, but I found hers closed. I felt myself begin to falter under the torment, trying to gasp unsuccessfully. She pushed me steadily towards an edge I did not know, over a drop I could not comprehend.

Finally our mouths parted, leaving me utterly breathless, gasping for air. All of the rushing in my nerves suddenly evaporating, emptiness the only thing left behind. Recovering from my daze, I stared up at her eyes, she glanced back, observant, seeming to wait for something to come from me. I again felt the need to leave her boil up from deep inside of me. I looked away, trying again to distract myself from her presence despite her being too close for there to be any hope of that working.

"Look at me," the warrior whispered almost inaudibly, the proximity of her breath tickling my lips. Somehow I managed to keep my eyes from her gaze, nervously darting between other parts of her now concentrated, but relaxed expression. Unfazed by my defiance, she released my right hand, trailing her now free fingers around from the back of my neck. Upwards they headed, grazing the underside of my jaw before making their way back towards my collarbone, tracing its outline on my skin. They continued downwards, gliding back and forth over the top of my chest, leaving hot, tingling traces in their wake. I felt myself waver, before suddenly I found Irelia's eyes locked onto mine.

I panicked momentarily before instinctively trying to harden my stare in an attempt to force the warrior to back down, futile at best, I was too weak. She continued to gaze into the depth of my eyes while her fingers again traced their way up my neck, underneath my jaw, up to my ear. The tickling sensation as her skin drifted along mine immensely agitating, the need to leave turning into a fizzing, crackling demand sent from every part of me. I had to run off, away from her, yet I still found myself unable to do anything more than submit to it.

My eyes went from half lidded to closed, as I tried to regain my ability to keep hold of my senses. All I could hold on to, however, was the constant pulsing and buzzing her light touch sent through me. It was so foreign to me, maddening, yet all I could do was want more. I opened my eyes slowly, finding the warrior again at the verge of tears. The reflection of myself suddenly catching in my mind, I had to stop it.

My mind lingered, her fingers had finding their way down to my ribs, traversing the length of the valleys between them. The golden eyes left mine, wandering southwards.

_No._

_Please come back_

They didn't.

My hand slid around the warrior's back, I gave her the gentlest of tugs, before slowly closing my eyes, readying myself for the storm of emotion I had unleashed upon myself.

I kissed her.

* * *

When I slowly opened my eyes after our lips had parted, Irelia's expression was somewhere between daze and deep sorrow. The clear drops still lingered in her eyes, dangerously edging towards the roll down her slightly red cheeks. Again I felt my heart twist painfully at the sight.

She let out a heavy sigh, before sniffing and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Shall we have something to eat before we sleep?" she asked, sitting up and turning away from me. The lingering image of her bright eyes tugged on me. I needed some time alone, the persistent deliberation was already starting to well up as I regained the ability to think.

"No thank you," I said slowly, leaving a moment to make my mind up about my excuse, "I'll be fine until the morning." I almost twitched at how terrible it was. As she got up she looked over at me, I gave her as reassuring of a smile as I could muster before she gracefully left the room.

_Why are you letting your emotions prevail?_ The hardened scout in me immediately jumped on the interrogation. I didn't really know. I was being… Silly.

It just happened.

I was being impulsive.

_Did… I really love her?_

_Love if dangerous if misplaced_. I had always been cautious around it, trying to avoid the possibility of letting superficial things like admiration from affecting it. It was true: _I admired the warrior, especially when I first met her. She was kind and caring, yet strong and intelligent. I looked up to her. Yet after Tylos it felt like we were almost level with each other. Were we friends?_

_I certainly had not acted like it,_ my mind flickered back to the top of the stairs, down the road from the house.

_"Try what?" I snapped._

My words had been harsh, made up in the moment. In the impulsiveness of my fit of anger.

Should I have kissed her?

_It was also impulsiveness that had made me do that…_

I flicked back into the fit of rage, stampeding out of the hall with the warrior behind me.

_"Go away!" I flinched at the bitterness of my voice. "Nothing to fucking lose, eh?" The words cut deep into my chest._

_"Leave me alone! Don't ever come back to me."_

I flipped face down in the pillows with tears rolling down my cheeks.

_Surely I was not worthy of friends, love even less._

_Yet in kissing her I had admitted that I loved her._

_Her pained expression returned like a blade in my heart._

_Why did I do it?_

_Because she had kissed me?_

_Because I couldn't live with her in that state?_

_Because I liked her?_

_Because…_

I passed at least a dozen more possibilities, none answering the question I had posed myself.

_I had just been impulsive._

_"I love you more than I could ever have imagined loving anything." Her voice was just so unbearably filled with emotion, a bulging river that swept through my panicked mind._

_Why me?_

No one other than my parents had ever said they loved me.

I remembered back when I had been at school, probably around when I was ten years or so old, just after my mother had died.

I sat down at my seat, on the table at the back of the room, in the far corner away from the teacher's desk. He seemed to like having me in his class, he never got annoyed at me even though I would spend a lot of my time drawing maps and Piltovian machines in my notebook. Sometimes after class, he would ask me to show some of them, and took a while to look over them, seemingly awed by what I knew. Most of it was what my father had explained to me when I asked him questions about things I read in books. Yet, I had begun to get distracted from it. A new girl in the class, Amber was her name. I never paid any heed to the other children, most of them were rude and rowdy, and they didn't pay any attention to me. I liked it that way.

But this new girl seemed very shy. The teacher had put her on the seat across from me, and every now and then our eyes crossed sending me awkwardly looking away. Yet I often found myself looking at her as she wrote down the answers in almost perfect handwriting. She didn't get many more right than anyone else, but I instinctively felt she was smarter than she seemed. But she was beautiful, an angel in comparison to anyone I had ever met. The slightest of curls in her long, almost white hair, and the bluest of eyes I could imagine.

One day, when my pen had rolled off the table next to her, she picked it up and handed it back to me, our eyes crossed as I clumsily accepted it and her soft fingers touched my hand ever so slightly, leaving a warm trace across my cool skin. As much as I wanted to talk to her during lunch, I never mustered the strength to approach her as she drew what looked like Freljordian landscapes on a separate notebook. She only did it during break and lunch, never in class when she was paying attention to the teacher and I was distracted with my diagrams and doodles. And she was always alone, not that I could blame her, most of the other children were rough and rather full of themselves. _I'm not like them_, I thought to myself, _maybe she wouldn't mind talking to me_, but I could never bring myself to approach her, too shy... I frowned at myself.

As much as I wanted to, I never managed to do it in the following year either, which was the last I spent at school. I had made my mind up that it was a waste of my time, and after that spent most of my time at home, reading books I found there or in the library, every now and again taking a walk. This was when thoughts about my inability to make friends with anyone boiled up, flooding over the rest of my self-loathing. She was the only person I had ever developed feelings for.

Yet, here I found myself, turned back to face up, looking eastward as the sun set behind me, far deeper in a friendship than I had ever been.

My thoughts were interrupted by Irelia, who had returned with a cup of tea, she placed it on the shelf which was set in the wall just above the head of the bed. It was like a bedside table, but a little more out-of-the-way. I admired this about Ionian architecture, everything had purpose, yet was made to be as unobtrusive as possible.

"Thank you," I said quietly, it was as genuine and honest I had felt in a while. The warrior returned me a warm smile as she left again.

I held myself from returning to my deliberation, beginning to sip the tea. It steamed in the cool air, letting an invigorating scent into the air. I loved tea, I always had a big mug on my desk as I read through book after book. Now it was a better gift than ever, managing to keep my mind of everything but one question:

_Why me?_

I finished the cup, and slowly dozed off as the curious question lingered patiently.

* * *

When I woke I was rather surprised to find the Ionian curled up at my side. She rested her head on my shoulder, one arm lay lazily over my belly, and she had somehow tangled her legs in mine. My left feeling an awkward warmth being trapped between her thighs, the way it made me feel I found rather unnerving. I liked it, and I felt warm inside, noticing her gentle breath and lightly beating heart. I brushed a few stray hairs, some her straight, jet black strands, others my dark curls, out of her face. Having done this I left my hand back at my side, weaving into the fingers of Irelia's hand which rested dangerously close to my thigh.

The warrior reached up, trying again to get our lips together, yet failed, unable to close the distance between them. I chuckled inside, giving in and lazily turning my face to kiss her, I missed, landing somewhere up her nose. Yet she seemed content enough with that, resting her head back on my shoulder.

"Gilion?" the Ionian asked softly.

"Hmm?" I responded.

"I really do love you." The words hit me like a blade, honest, plain, yet so painfully sharp and meaningful.

"Yeah," I concluded, hesitating momentarily. "I suppose… I suppose I do love you too." I scolded myself at how un-committing I was being. I did love her, it was the truth. Yet, she seemed satisfied with it, knowing that I (as I quite often did) meant more than I said. She nudged my chin up ever so slightly, then buried her face in the space she had made. I sighed, resting against her, as another realisation came to mind, _we rarely needed words between us_.

Finally at ease, I fell asleep.

* * *

**The last scene here was inspired by a piece of art called Attic. It was originally made by Shilin, check her out on Deviantart. She has been very helpful in keeping me motivated to keep writing.**


	19. Follower

**The accompanying song for this one is Follower by Katatonia**

* * *

**Chapter 18 - Follower**

I woke to a cool, cloudy, and humid morning just as Irelia walked back into the room. My heart immediately sank at the sight of her still mournful face. She tried to pull out a hint of a smile when she noticed me, but the emotion had already touched me, filling me again with the unbearable dread I wished I had left behind the previous night.

"We should go back to the institute this morning," she said slowly. "I have to be at a meeting this afternoon." I nodded, getting up and stretching with a yawn. Without exchanging any more words I went to wash myself, where I found the infectious deliberation had found its way back into me. As I stood under the steaming torrent I couldn't help but follow the black trail of thoughts.

_Why did I always feel like this around Irelia? Why did nothing she tried actually help me? Was it my fault?_ I found it too hard to just give in and love her, but why? I secretly liked her for ages, but now that I was face to face with the Ionian I couldn't understand anything, myself, her, whatever it was.

_How would I show her I loved her anyway?_ I made her feel uneasy, that was probably even taking it rather lightly. I brought tears to her eyes, it was all me, but if I left her now it would only make everything worse for her.

_Why was I so incapable? _Every step I took was wrought with incapacity.

_But why did she like me anyway,_ she surely saw my flaws. When I was with her they were laid out like cards on a table, weakness exposed, clear as daylight. That was what turned her emotions fragile, but why would she let me do that to her. The most prized aspect of a warrior is their ability to keep such distractions at bay; "Emotions are a sign of weakness." I was weak, I was everything she wasn't, I was a dying ember of what I could have been, what my father had wanted me to be. Yet, I thought to myself, this is a completely different side of her, as a warrior she had always seemed to hold herself to a strict set of disciplines, even for an Ionian. Now, alone, with only me in her presence, did she show more of herself, the uncanny similarity that linked us, yet why would she show it to me, it was obvious I had not a clue what do when faced with the black despair.

I returned, refreshed, on the surface at least, with my straightened, soggy hair dripping slightly on my shirt, chilling my shoulders in the cold draughts that skimmed over the snowy landscape. I quietly set about making myself a few pieces of bread for breakfast and as I silently ate, my heart like a stone in my chest, Irelia busied herself around the house, sometimes leaving to find something elsewhere. I couldn't muster the usual curiosity to find out what she was doing, I just stared at the table in front of me.

It wasn't long before we were walking back, we took a different route, after trudging a few minutes slightly uphill along a bricked path reaching a road which I almost immediately recognised as the mountain road southwards from the Institute. Its path like many others engraved in the back of my mind, as clear to see as the back of my hand. From the Institute it climbed up along the ridge my house was on, before turning slightly eastward into the valley as the ridge quickly rose to the right. After crossing the river it wound back up the other side of the valley before continuing a winding route south-eastwards climbing steadily along the side of the foothills. The walk we had taken the other day cut out a lot of the zig-zagging, instead climbing straight up to the height of the road.

The warrior let me lead once we reached the road, which was even more heavily coated in snow than the sheltered path that lead to it. The gloominess seeming to surround us was further deepened by the almost complete silence of the lands. I shivered as a cool draught of air slid across the road down the hill. The deep snow made my progress slow as it was still too soft to walk on top of, so each step involved lifting my feet beyond my knees before dropping it back through the blanket. It was tiring business, but I kept myself at it for the warrior didn't have the luxury of being able to go to sleep as soon as she arrived. We both remained quiet, and I never turned back to look at her, the only confirmation that she was still behind me being her soft footfalls.

_Why me?_ It kept echoing through my mind, what was it about me that she liked? After a good half hour of aimless pondering, it finally occurred to me, there was comfort in knowing someone understood how you felt. Maybe I should ask her to stay at my place for a while, I wasn't really sure of how to ask her, or how she would respond. I hadn't any experience to lean on, and every path seemed to lead to the unknown. It felt like the right thing to do, and if anything I was simply returning what I owed her. The possibility of shattering the last semblance of a grasp I had on my emotions was scary though, but would I be any better alone. And as much as I loved walking in the cold snow, the freezing rain, or the icy gales that winter brought every year, there was a sense of solace or maybe simple serenity brought by the gentle beating of her warm chest.

I was notoriously bad at asking things from people, afraid they would either be disdained by the unnecesity of the question, or just pushing them beyond what I could comfortably ask. Even though I always told myself nothing worse than a simple "no" could be the response, I knew some questions would be uncomfortable, and this seemed to be one of those. No matter how long I pondered it I could not figure out how to ask Irelia, I always saw a flaw in each method, and feared too much the consequences, realistic or not, that it might have.

As minutes passed by the dozen, my mind began to grow more and more quiet, thoughts displaced by tiredness. We were nearing the town, less than a mile now. It was growing warmer already, the snow already beginning to melt, falling from branches. Here and there small streams of melt water came tumbling off the hill to our left, filling the thawed gutter which released its payload in big torrents down to the valleys below. The river had probably run out of the narrow banks, filling the full width of the riverbed, something that usually only happened in the spring. I noted the change in the wind, the frigid northern airs had given way to a very humid south-western breeze; it would bring more rain. Lamenting the short stay of the snow, I pressed onwards, reaching the edge of town, where there was no view of the northern seas, it was obscured behind a thin haze which also kept the mountains to our west hidden, only exposing a dozen miles or so around us. They were coming quicker than I had expected.

* * *

The warrior stood quietly behind me as I unlocked the door and pushed it gently open. I turned to face her as I stepped through into the warmth inside. I nervously looked up at her, quickly darting between the ground and her eyes. She seemed to be waiting for something, I was unsure of what, and the way she watched me rather unnerved me.

"I, suppose," she said slowly. "I should go now." I still didn't really know what to respond with, leaving the two of us awkwardly waiting for me to talk. After a few moments I reached forward and hugged the warrior, she returned the action, nesting my head in the heat of her neck. My heart began to flutter and pounce, speeding up to the sound of hers doing the same. It was like electricity, catching both the Ionian and me in a manner even more unexpected it did last night.

"Irelia," I asked, we parted and I hesitated, looking at the ground. "Do you want to stay tonight? I guess I…" I paused again, my eyes timidly crossing with hers, "Owe you something."

"Gilion," she responded sternly, "you owe me nothing. But, if you'd like me to stay…" Her hands snaked their way around my stomach as she pulled me to her chest again and began to sniff ever so slightly, the stern voice melting into the melting back to the gentle, quiet Ionian that made me tense so uncontrollably. "I'd love to stay, just to be with you." She said between sobs.

I lost track of time holding on to the warrior in the doorway. Where she had laid her hands she reduced my back to a weak, hot mess. I swallowed, trying to catch my quickening breath; I realized the bond growing deeper between us with every action. It was worrying that I could not do anything about it, yet I felt I had to accept it, the feeling was such a loss of self-control, yet it was intoxicating, addictive, overwhelming. I silenced my thoughts, just pressing against her, noting her similar response; did she really feel like I did?

As we again parted after a long while, I held onto one of her warm hands. Our eyes both meeting on the only remaining contact between us, hesitating at the action of breaking it. After dragging it out for what began to seem like ages, I let go of her, turning away with my head bowed only to walk almost straight into Akali. The assassin put her hands on my shoulders, smiling past me at the warrior who I left standing behind me. I turned, exchanging the slightest hint of a smile with the warrior, a silent thank you, before continuing inside. After tossing off my boots, which I uncharacteristically left in the middle of the hallway (Akali and I hated untidiness), I dragged my tired feet up the short flight of stairs, and flopped onto my bed, falling asleep within seconds.

* * *

It was a familiar warmth that woke me, I opened my eyes to find Irelia quietly sitting on the side of my bed, the curtains were still open, revealing the deep night outside. Without so much as a thought I rose and shuffled up behind her, putting my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder to see what she was doing. In her hands she held a small, shiny, silver necklace, closer inspection revealed the crest of Ionia, the two dragons circling around the engraved figure of the great tree of the Placidium.

"This was Zelos'," she whispered, barely audible. The Ionian's hand slowly closed around the figure as she let out an almost laboured sigh. It was still hard to grasp what happened that afternoon on Mount Tylos. I pushed the thought aside, trying to think of something that could console her, but it was like banging my head against a stone wall. My self-loathing loomed at the edge of my mind, I again forced it away, still holding onto the warm warrior's back. Instead I followed a train of memories that lead me to my father.

"Why did you come to Ionia?" I asked him as we sat overlooking Torden Haven, watching the chunks of ice come loose from the glacier.

"I guess you mean to ask why I stayed there," I nodded. "Well, it's rather complicated." I prepared myself for something I would not understand, later I realized these were still things he wanted me to remember, I would understand them as I grew up. "Freljordians are stubborn," he started. "Even I am, I stubbornly drag myself through these icy lands every winter even though I could stay quite comfortably at the war office. I can't stay away for more than a year, even your mother couldn't keep me from going."

"But, what I'm talking about is, they don't like change. Sadly for them, the world is changing, and if they want their part of the small world we live in, they have to adapt to it." I thought about it, and at the time nothing really made sense. "You'll understand when you're older."

"I have to understand what he meant." I hadn't seen the Frejlord since he had fallen. Something in me feared going back to the now distant lands, almost foreign to me. Yet at the same time, an urge to come back and see them with grown eyes was boiling up inside me.

_Why father? Why couldn't you be here with me now?_ It was like I had gotten lost, walking in circles without a clue which way I was going. I felt tired, exhausted. I didn't want to give up, but I had so little left in me.

I planted my face away in the sheets; another futile attempt to halt the onslaught of my mind on itself, the tears began to well in my eyes again. Everything pointing at my faults, all the time, it was only ever me. The tears welled in my eyes again and I slowly felt myself succumb, stopped sharp, as I felt the warrior's warm hand gently placed between my shoulder blades. I felt myself seize up, caught between impossibly overwhelming feelings. I began to feel a panic grow inside me, increasing faster and faster. Twisting away from the Ionian I quickly got off the bed, darting into the bathroom, where I washed my face with a chilling splash of water. The moment I looked up in the mirror, I recoiled within myself as if I had been hit for all my wrong-doings.

I inhaled deeply, straightening out my back, trying to keep myself at least somewhat together, but before I could get myself to return to her I stopped, leaning with my head against the closed door. _I'm not who I could have been. I'm not who I was meant to be. So far I've fallen, so weak I've become._

_So futile, _I sighed.

The warrior waited at the foot of my bed, and when I walked back out, pushed me roughly back into the wall next to the door. Her breathing was erratic, her eyes drowned in tears, devoid of their usual gleam. Strangely I found I was not nervous, whatever was going to happen was out of my control, I just waited, breathing steadily.

"Why," she stammered, pausing, trying her hardest to keep some form of composure, I found mine worn quickly from seeing her in such a state. "Why, are you so…" she gasped, "difficult?" The idea took a moment to soak in, but quickly turned into a sharp blade cutting through my heart. "It's not your fault," she whimpered moments later, "I'm sorry." She took the pressure of my arms, I moved them to her side and pulled her towards me, lifting myself onto my toes to rest our heads on each other's shoulder. "I, I just don't know what I have to do," she whispered next to my ear. I just sighed and took in the warmth of her chest as it heaved to her irregular breathing. As we stood it steadily turned more gentle, leaving in its wake her rapidly beating heart.

_Why me?_ I asked myself again.

She repositioned my face over her chest, allowing me to stand more naturally, before guiding me gently back to the bed. At first sitting next to me, she unexpectedly pushed me onto my back, leaving her hand on my chest, right above the source of my slowly accelerating heartbeat.

_Why me? _It echoed through my mind again. I closed my eyes, trying to dispel the thought when I felt her breath on my neck, and unknowingly exposing myself even more further leaned away from it. She took advantage of my retreat, laying a kiss on the bared skin, almost squeezing a gasp from me as my breath stuttered. I had to get the question off my mind before it drove me insane.

"Wh…" I was interrupted by another kiss just above my collarbone, "Why me?" She seemed taken aback.

"Listen to my heart," She muttered, eyes half closed, holding my hand to her chest. "Listen to my breaths," she continued. "You are so…" She took a deep breath.

"I don't know, you make me feel so strange, all my emotions just overcome me. There is more to you than meets the eye, just everything you are, it's all I could ask for, all I want."

I swallowed, her words mirrored what I felt so closely. My heart sank at the tears that showed in the gentle Ionian's eyes, _why do I doubt myself, or her?_

"I…" I stammered, sniffing. "I'm sorry I doubted you." She collapsed on the bed next to me, laying an arm over my chest.

"It's alright," Irelia whispered, kissing me lightly on the cheek as I blankly stared at the ceiling. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Bu-" as usual she cut me off with a finger. "It won't help you if it is making you miserable, and it makes me feel horrible." I turned to look at her, our eyes met. "I love you," She breathed. I landed a brisk but love-filled kiss on her lips, the sharpness in her golden eyes fading to a dreamy, unfocused gaze. They stayed so as our lips parted and I again buried my head under her chin, the silky warmth a lullaby which led me into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	20. Sister

**To avoid a 15k word chapter and not getting a single thing out for half a year I decided to split this one up, it's a pretty dense thing as it is.**

**Exams are up for May, I might write a little before then but don't count on it…**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Sister **

It rained much of the time before dawn, but it had cleared slightly when we walked to the summoning halls in the morning. The sky was a colourful affair, rays of golden sun shining through white cloud-tops flooding the lands below the ceiling of dark clouds with a warm light. The air was cooler again, still humid and looking north-westward showers poured their buckets upon the colouring forests, the thought of the proximity of winter shot a chill down my spine. The heavy showers raced over the Institute through the day, leaving the ground wet and a layer of sheen on the leaves when we left the halls.

I wasn't too pleased with how the day went on The Rift, even though I had won 6 out of the 7 matches, I had consistently lost lane, forcing me to drag the lane out to let us recover and make our marks in the teamfights. Keeping to the back streets I made my way back home, the warrior flanking me, no one was to see me as I was. Up the flight of stairs we went and quickly into the cool house. I busied myself lighting the heaters as the warrior washed herself, after which I, in a matter far from unusual, found myself at a loss for what to do.

I plopped down in the armchair, taking in the sight of the evening closing in as I contemplated the matches of the day. A lot of early trades I had misjudged, trying to be too aggressive and too eager to get advantages, in the three matches against Renekton it had got the warrior killed twice. That was only before level 4 as well. After level 6 I found it impossible to deal with the Crocodile, the extra beefiness he got was impossible for the more fragile Ionian to get through, especially after getting worn down by his Q for the whole time before. Even starting with cloth armour was difficult, forget trying to start with Doran's Blade.

Then there had been Shyvana, the dragon was worse, I always somehow managed to take a beating at level 1, she was way faster than Irelia, and there was little to stop the onslaught. The lane was pretty much the same after that too, I found us consistently out-damaged in both games. Only against Dr. Mundo did I seem to be able to get through, I could keep farming and he couldn't force trades easily to his advantage, but he was impossible to kill, even when I got a good few minion waves piled against him. But I had lost the small leads I found myself in to the enemy jungler pretty consistently, they always seemed to find the warrior in the most inopportune position. It was no use, I was obviously doing something wrong, but I had not a clue what it was. I hated how Irelia had to put up with my incompetence, at the least she deserved a better summoner, not to consider all my other flaws.

Frustrated, I set my eyes on the crimson glow that the setting sun cast over the forests, the tops of the mess of billowing clouds took a deep red tinge which spread through the greying puffs. I found it odd how I always caught myself staring at the sky like this. The power and fascinating variability of the weather was captivating, not to mention the beauty that it would regularly grace the land with. I had never seen other people all too interested in it, but then again that was what endowed the sight with some sense of exclusivity. Even though I was well travelled, despite being rather young, such simple sights were still mesmerising as ever.

With a click of the door I was brought back to the room, the warrior came and stood behind the chair, taking a look at the view I had admired moments earlier, a relaxed sigh escaping her. The simple action touched my heart so intensely, just the thought that she also liked the sight, but at the same time I was reminded of how unpleasant the day had been.

"I'm sorry," I softly blurted out, in shame I got out of the chair and flopped down on the bed sheets, the short glimpse of the Irelia's bowed head split my soul like a bolt of lightning.

"Gilion," she said slowly, her tone full of tiredness, sending another cleaving sting through me. I turned my self to watch the window as the warrior looked out over her lands. Her slender body was enchanting, it constantly drew my eyes towards it, everything about her was so… Distracting.

"You are being too hard on yourself," she continued at length, "give yourself time to learn."

_I guess_, I grumbled under my breath, turning my head away from her to stop my awkward staring. As I let the silence envelop us again my thoughts began to slide back to thinking about my mistakes. But pretty quickly I was interrupted by Irelia, she sat down on the bed beside me and placed her hands gently on my shoulders. I tensed slightly at the unexpected contact, she responded squeezing the muscles slightly, I relaxed them, which she followed by rubbing down the tender tendons.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I grumbled, Irelia remained quiet, gently caressing the backs of my shoulders with her nimble hands. It was quite odd, I found I had dropped all of the bleak thoughts I always found myself turning to and all I could bring to my mind was her. The way we would both pause, freezing ourselves out of the real world, just taking a moment for our eyes to exchange an infinity of emotions. Everything I could share with her, I trusted her with all of it, just as she trusted me. The contact of our skin and how it emanated that fuzzy electrical sensation through my nerves; the Ionian's touch often unexpected but all the more comforting. The beating of our hearts and the rise and fall of our breath, everything so subtly exposed to the other.

"Shall we go to Janne's Inn for dinner?" she quietly asked after a few moments. "A good friend of mine is playing there in a band tonight."

"Hmm," I grumbled in response, "Sure." I hardly found myself convincing, but Irelia didn't seem to mind. Either way, I wasn't particularly in need of sleep yet and it would probably be a lot nicer than staying at home.

Janne was an old friend of my father, they had met when he was around my age and were good friends ever since. We usually ate there with my mother when we came back from the Freljord, the variety of exquisite food a stark contrast to the simple meals we ate on expeditions. If we were unlucky we would go several days without anything but a few pieces of scout's bread, but salted meat and berries was far from the most appetising thing to go on either, so running out of the latter meant little when you discounted how quickly one would lose energy moving to the more lean diet. It was a little secret I had…

_Wait, how did she know about this? _I guessed she had listened to one of my father's monologues; sometimes he would go on endlessly about some journey he took when he was younger, or maybe an escapade with a friend. He was a brilliant talker and story teller, always able to catch your attention with some subtlety in his wording or some crazy, almost-but-not-quite unbelievable tale of how he got lost or in trouble or precariously close to death. I guessed that was to be his undoing, yet it was still how he had fun…

"It's quite a beautiful evening, isn't it?" Irelia said hesitantly, seemingly unsure of how to stir me from my silent pondering. She had noticed the abrupt change in my thoughts; I didn't really mind, so I followed her new question. I slowly turned over to face up in her eyes, my silent yes she returned with an almost innocent looking blink as the faintest hint of a relieved smile crept onto her face. She pushed some of my messy hair out of my face, soothingly running her slender fingers down the thick curls as she seemed to admire them. I didn't really know what to respond with, wincing internally at my awkwardness in conversation. I quickly glanced out of the window at the dimming spectacle.

"Do you ever watch sunsets?" I finally came up with, turning back to the Ionian, her smile sank slightly.

"No," she said, pausing again at thought. "I can't really remember the last time I did," I canted my head in curiosity, edging her on. "I-I guess I used to when I was younger, especially when I was out on deployment. I would usually do my evening meditation watching it go down. You?" I recalled the many moments I had sat in different places, watching the orange or red ball drift slowly below the horizon. I had almost always done so alone, even when I was out with my father, I would usually hop off to find a place to sit and watch. I never did anything special, just sat, quietly letting my eyes feast on the sights that the landscape would provide.

"Sometimes," I muttered quietly, not interrupting my train of thought. It was not every day that I did so, however, I always chose my moments carefully, when I was younger it had been through a while of observation of the weather, I would try to find moments when there was a thin layer of clouds or it was slightly hazy. If I got it right, the clouds would turn into crimson tails, almost like flames, decorating the sky. These days I would just gape in awe at what almost seemed like a blessing that was bestowed upon me.

After my parents passed away, these turned to moments of sorrow, loss, and loneliness. Often when I felt the sickening panic begin to wash up to me, I would leave the house, go for a long walk. I usually didn't pay much attention to where I was going, apart from staying along the quieter paths. One day I had gone as far as a small peak called Shari, it lay at the north-western end of the ridge that made its way northwards from Rausu Pass, along the road to Palaroth. I arrived there on the third evening after I left the home, desperately trying to hold back the tears, but fire began to paint the sky, I collapsed. The seven days I took to get back merged into a blurry, teary nightmare that returned me to the silent house, which I fortunately found quiet. That had only been a few weeks before that fateful morning. I looked up at the warrior, to find I had set a pained expression on her face, I swallowed the growing knot in my throat.

"Shari point is the best place in at this time of year," I remarked slowly. The winter solstice would soon be upon us, and the sun was already beginning to pull behind the mountains that rose to the south of the institute. "It's pretty cold there though, especially when the wind comes from the north, it's rather exposed. But, if the weather is right, I'd love to take you there." One of the things I realized was that I had never shared any of these moments with anyone, they were like jewels I held, maybe showing her wasn't too bad of an idea.

The Ionian's gaze changed little, yet the warmth in her eyes never left her, it was like an unquenchable fire. I reached up to my shoulders and pulled one of her hands down over my chest, slowly weaving my digits between hers. She turned away to continue looking outside, I just lay idle, looking rather blankly at the way I held her hand. A while later, rather surprised at how my mind was clear of thoughts, my eyes moved to the warrior's face, I studied the lines around her jaw. Her slim and accentuated neck, I found her bones rather well defined from the angle of the light, yet I could not find a single flaw in any proportion. She was utterly flawless.

"Shall we get dressed?" the warrior asked at length, getting up while I rather childishly held on to her hand, looking at her for a response.

"Dressed?" I asked, I was plain and honestly never really wore anything special unless it was for a ceremony of some sorts, my upfront question was met by a curious glance from the warrior. _Ehh, why not?_ I said to myself, getting off the bed and standing up in one graceful movement which placed me right in front of Irelia. My eyes wavered almost instantly as she put hers on mine, my cheeks got warm and I began to look nervously to the sides. The warrior pecked me on the cheek and then walked off out of the room, leaving me dazed with nothing but a lingering tingle.

I blinked twice, taking a deep breath to pull myself together before walking over to my wardrobe. I heard the two girls talking somewhere downstairs, the muttering unintelligible from where I was_. I have to start somewhere_, I said to myself looking up and down the rows of neatly organized articles. I pulled off one of my collared shirts from the hanger and tossed it on the bed, going back to the open doors with not a clue what to find next or what would match. A lot of the clothes I had were more practical than anything else, I had several different types of light shirt I wore depending on how warm or cold I expected it to be, and a few faster drying ones for when it was very wet. I continued to shuffle through the piles to try to think of anything else I had, but had likely never really thought about.

"Gilion," I heard Akali call from downstairs.

"Yes," I sighed and went down to her room, where I found Irelia in a short black strapless, I had to admit that I liked how exposing it was, but I could tell she wasn't too impressed by her friend's choice.

"She wants me to go in this," Irelia chuckled.

"You're going to be cold," I returned, not giving her a chance to say more. She gave the smaller Ionian a sharp gaze.

"Yeah," she said slowly, "I'd rather keep my shoulders and legs warm." There were a few other things laying on the dresser and the bed, most of them Irelia seemed to have brought as they were definitely not Akali's.

"Gilion?" Akali asked softly, "got any better suggestions?" I rolled my eyes.

"You know I have no sense of style…" I was the one receiving the harsh face now, and it was from Akali, I just turned and left.

"Nooo, Gilion," she called out, hardly able to contain the giggle that she had been building up ever since she received the firm look from Irelia.

"I need to sort myself too," I heard her sigh, letting me chuckle silently at how-I wasn't sure how to put it-light hearted we could be.

Returning to my own dilemma, I pulled out a leather jacket Akali had got me a year or so back, it went on the bed next to the shirt. A little more rummaging in the piles netted me a sandy woollen jumper, I thought it would match the somewhat darker leather, then decided against the jacket, I would just go in my cloak. A rather heavy pair of dark grey, almost black, trousers rounded it off just as Irelia walked into the room in black leggings and a colourful button up blouse. In her arm she held what looked like a long jumper and Akali followed her in with a fawn coloured overcoat.

"Hmm, you've sorted yourself rather quickly, Mr. No-Sense-Of-Style." The younger woman mocked, seeing what I had laid out on my bed, I took that it was decent enough. Irelia pulled the dark jumper over her head, swept her hair out neatly, and took the coat from Akali. "So," she continued, "this alright?"

I shrugged in response, taking my trousers and shirt to the bathroom to change. "Stop running from me Gilion," she called through the door, I could still catch the edge of the reined in giggle, sometimes she would tease me like this for days on end…

"Maybe," I returned, huffing up my tone a bit, "when you stop being so…" I didn't really know what words to use, I just finished changing and returned to the room to find the two girls waiting. I took a deep breath, holding in my frustration, as I stopped in front of the bed turning away from them, Irelia embraced me from behind, her coat having been set aside. I turned around to face the warrior, and peeked quickly over her shoulder to find Akali beginning to blush slightly, before taking a hearty hug. I managed another glance over her shoulder, with which I chased the assassin out of the room, her feelings betrayed by rosy cheeks. The warrior chuckled lightly, releasing me from her arms, giving me a soft kiss on my lips.

"I think it looks nice," I muttered, turning back to my own clothes.

"Has she ever told you that you are rather cute?" she asked.

"She doesn't need words to tell me that," I said flatly, frustrated at the young assassin. "She doesn't use words to tell me that, she just…" I wanted to drop the conversation, I hated complaining about other people, there were plenty of things to complain about me myself. Pulling over the woollen jumper I turned to Irelia who gave me a soft gaze, I knew she wanted me to stop being hard on myself like this. I honestly had no idea what to do about it, that kind of thought continually returning to me like an unbreakable bad habit. Always waiting for me to let my guard down from either wariness or just get lost in a train of thought, where it would catch me and drag me into a dark alleyway and beat me into submission.

Her hands made their way to my shoulders, again waking me from my thought, I followed them back to her, noticing her fingers bore no rings, her wrists no bracelets, her neck no necklace. I began to fumble this realisation as she pulled us together for a short kiss. My mother never wore jewellery even though she had inherited many beautiful pieces from her parents. It was in contrary to many Ionians who often held at least one of value on them, she was actually rather particular in this sense, quite ready to throw out traditions or habits. I wondered how Irelia had come to a similar idea.

"You don't wear any jewellery? I asked softly, giving her a timid glance.

Irelia shook her head silently, adjusting her jumper a little. "Should I?" She asked in return. It was my turn to shake my head.

"You don't need it, you are too beautiful already," I gave her a sideways glance to see what her response to the rather flat, rather corny statement. She just blushed lightly, rather cutely. I guessed she didn't seem to mind, but the thing was I didn't really have time to think of a better way to put it, but the Ionian was utterly flawless, maybe it was the simplicity of her graceful figure that I was so drawn to. It was better left unadorned, at least that was how I felt about it.

I almost jumped out of my feet when the backs of her fingertips brushed across my cheek to straighten out a few locks of my hair. A little stunned by the surprise of her touch I glanced up at her calm face. _So comforting_, I thought to myself, trying to hide the warmth that worked its way into my face. Our eyes crossed and with a slow blink from her I again found my heart melting, I returned it, making her blush as she again pulled us together in a tender embrace.


	21. Lethean

**I suppose I am supposed to note that this chapter contains a lemon. I think you will see where it starts**

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**Chapter 20 - Lethean**

"Have a good time, handsome." Akali said as I put on my usual dark cloak. I gave her a sideways look and snuck a quick kiss on Irelia's unsuspecting lips, turning back to the smaller Ionian with a raised eyebrow. She really blushed this time, the sight almost making me burst out with laughter. I managed to keep hold of my composure and gave her a tender, brotherly hug, thinking of how caring she always was. Moments slipped by and she still held on to me, her heart beating slightly quicker than Irelia's but both were similarly warm. It made me wonder about how I felt cold, at least according to her, I always found it strange to think about. Slowly Akali loosened her grip, hesitantly increasing the distance between us while keeping our eyes locked. Her turquoise orbs held an almost child-like gaze, as if I had outgrown her, passed beyond her grasp, and maybe in a sense I had. Yet I still held it fast within me that she was wiser, stronger, and way more skilled than me.

"Thank you," I said softly, a little stirred by the thought. Gently I opened the door and led Irelia outside, turning back to see Akali stand quietly in the doorway. I was feeling apprehensive, nervous of what prying eyes might think of me, but the evening was quiet, and the humid, cool air kept me calm. As we exited the city gate down to the main road the moon began to peek out from behind the towering clouds. I leaned my head on Irelia's shoulder and she put her arm around mine, making me shudder and almost stumble when my heart trembled at her affectionate move. I wanted to put mine around the small of her back, but backed away out of nervousness, we were almost there anyway. Over the crossroads we walked when I caught a waft of the sweet smoke that came from the chimneys of the inn; hunger boiled inside of me.

I opened up the front door for the Ionian and followed her into the dimly lit hallway where the smells of the food lingered. The eating hall on the left was dark; it was usually used for the breakfasts of the Inn's guests or on more busy nights. The muted pub chatter hung in the air and through the doorway to the right I revealed its source: A low roofed, dark room with the long counter at the left and on the other side of the archway at its end, the better lit and somewhat more filled lounge. I let Irelia take the lead, bringing us to a table at the rear, tucked away in a raised bay under the window. I helped her coat off and placed it on a hanger before doing the same with my cloak, before making my way to the bar where I found Janne talking to a southern looking man.

Janne himself was a tall and skinny with a typically grim Freljordian look. His long, straight, and blond hair he had worn proudly since I had met him, actually he had inspired me to grow mine out; "your hair'd look a good sight better than mine if it were this long." I recalled him saying many years back. He was quite well preserved considering he was past 40 years of age; the rather sharp features of his face bore little sign of it. My appearance had drawn the conversation to a halt:

"My days, who is this?" He called out, giving me a quick look up and down as if to check it was actually me. "It's been a good while young lad." His rather more boisterous attitude was a welcome change. I shook his hand and he gave me a pat on the shoulder

"Well met, my friend," I returned, recalling his usual greeting, getting a slight grin from him.

"And good evening to you captain," he said, turning to the captain, she nodded subtly.

"You two have been had your mischiefs out and about even without Eldhrim." He chuckled.

"Guess I'm taking after him," I said.

"It starts young you know, he used to get me into all sorts of trouble when we were younger, good old times they were. I was just telling this guy about our poaching adventures up on the estates." My father had told me a lot about that, the guards were usually pretty lousy, so he always got his share of 'mucking about'. It was all fun and game compared to when he had gone into occupied Ionia, but that was a story he kept much closer to his heart. "Anything I can offer you two?"

"What's special tonight?" I asked.

"Well, I just got some fresh crab in from Akutan today; I'd say that goes pretty nicely with a salad." I gave him a nod, "For meat it's mostly beef at the moment, the venison hasn't been going about yet. Here," he passed us two menus, "have a while to decide."

He gave me a wink as I turned back to the table. Irelia made her way over to the band, which was still setting up at the other end of the room. I got to her just as she finished greeting the musicians.

"Well, it's nice to see you around these parts again," Irelia said.

"It has been a while," one of the guitarists, a fair woman, about Irelia's age who looked to be south-Freljordian. "You must be Gilion, Son of Eldhrim?" I nodded shyly. "I'm Alfinna." She seemed to be thinking hard, trying to remember something. "Yeah, Eldhrim Sigurörn, I knew him through my own father, he was the armourer at the Wing of Stealth. You must have battle in your blood." She realized the way I was eyeing her bass guitar. "Or maybe not." She corrected herself quietly, I had often dreamt of playing music, but I never got to the point of asking my father to get me an instrument, I didn't think I'd make much use of it. But as I grew older, I realized more and more that I had been wrong. Irelia had gone over to exchange words with the rest of the band, stepping gracefully between all the equipment that lay around the stage.

"I suppose your father brought you up with his music," she was right, I had heard here and there of other, newer stuff, but never really paid much heed to it. Honestly, my interest in music had died off pretty quickly when I discovered how distracted or even entranced I could become simply sitting in the silence of an Ionian or Freljordian forest. "Anything you particularly like?" I gave the question a thought.

"I rather like No Quarter," I said at length, slowly. It was a very calm song, dark and mysterious; my father said it reminded him of going home.

"I think we can probably play that, we did grow up playing Led Zep. I'll have to ask the boys." She responded, not really what I had expected, but I accepted it.

"Where have you been recently?" I asked." Irelia said it was a few years since you had been in Ionia." I let my love for travelling have a go.

"We finished an album after we left last time, since then we toured around Demacia and Piltover." I had never been to those western lands. "It's been quite a journey, coming here feels almost like home to be fair, even if it is a second one."

"Give us a C sharp Finna," one of the guitarists called out. She played a deep rumble, showing me a slight smirk on her face. "My C sharp, not yours." He returned, frustrated. She played the one an octave higher.

"Play any instruments yourself?" I shook my head. She played a quick fiddle, weaving up and down the heavy strings in a way I had only imagined a guitar could. "You do seem a bit fascinated by my bass," she chuckled.

"Maybe I'll get one some day, never thought of myself as being too musical."

"Fair enough." She said, giving me a curious look for the slightest of moments. As if I hadn't noticed, she turned around to check the rest of the band, who seemed to be ready.

"Have fun as always," Irelia smiled at the Freljordian, making her way back to me. She winked back, the Ionian and I turning back to our table, where the crab salads sat waiting for us. I wondered what Alfinna thought of Irelia and me, it was rather odd that we were just over six years apart, but when I imagined the few moments we had shared together, everything seemed to transpire so effortlessly. Quietly, with no more than a friendly glance between us, we tucked into the meal, but were quickly interrupted by the frontman of the band.

"Well, eh, good evening." The room went silent for a moment before everyone erupted in clapping, a few people in the front stood up cheering. It lasted for quite a while and surpassed what I would have expected from the relatively small pub. "Heh, thank you." He seemed a little surprised too.

"It's nice to be back," more cheering ensued. "For this time around, we'll be sticking to a lot of the stuff from the new album. The reception has been absolutely fantastic so far, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as we have heard from the rest of our fans." Clapping, cheering, whistling, it was quite a bit of excitement.

"But before we get on with that, I think we'll play an old one." He concluded, immediately jumping away from the microphone and beginning the building lead. It was a lot faster than I had expected, and that almost anything I had heard, but the finely picked guitar melody got the better of me, and the syncopated rhythm was quite engaging. The harshness of the vocals startled me a little at first, but I found myself getting drawn into the song more and more, slowly swinging my feet at the rhythm until I bumped into Irelia's leg which I had forgot was almost right next to mine.

I turned to her with the awkward look still on me, a moment of eyeing me was all it took for her to trace my thoughts, a sly smile crossing her as she grew more confident of her read. It wasn't what I had expected, if I had expected anything that was, but I already quite liked it, if anything just the change of beat was welcome. I returned a shy smile and continued on the salad, when the solo passed through, the lead captivating me with a sweet lick that lead into the bridge.

_Onwards_

_Brothers and sisters_

_Do not Give_

_In, out, up, or down_

I guessed it livened the mood a little, and even though I had a little trouble following the growled vocals for much of the song, but it mattered little, the warmth of Irelia's face that responded when I had looked at her before stuck in my head and made my heart beat quicker. And with a few descending passages the song was over, I clapped as the room burst up again in cheering, more people making their way in, squeezing through the archways to get a view. We were comfortable in our corner, out of the way of prying eyes, good enough for me.

"Well, ehm, thank you." He (I later learned his name to be Jens) still seemed a bit dazed by the energy of the small crowd. "Alright, this one's Nail." He finished, kicking into the next song.

I made a quick dart between Irelia's eyes and her plate, seeing if I could get approval from her in the same way she had from me, I took a quick sip of water. Her slightly slanted expression of thought was betrayed by a grin, she seemed to like me playing her games back on her. I was again moving my feet to the rhythm of the song, as I searched for a possible conversation. I didn't need to, the Ionian took the initiative, "Unexpected?" I nodded. She chuckled lightly, "you know, it reminds me of you sometimes." I didn't understand.

"Alfinna said we make an unlikely pair, but you know how much in love with you I am." I was almost left with my mouth gaping at her upfrontness. "I never considered liking you, even being a friend when I was your age. I hated kids; they were like a plague, always obsessing about me being a warrior, me being in the League; interrupting my silence. I think you know what I mean." A quiet nod confirmed her thought, I did keep a distance from many other children, I never liked big groups, and as I grew older they grew rowdier. Often I would just sleep in the day so I didn't have to deal with them.

"You remind me a bit of your father," she continued, pausing as if to reflect on the statement. "But at the same time you are very different." Again I didn't really know what she was trying to say. "You both have a skill of… understanding other people." I almost laughed at how outrageous the idea was.

"What? Like this, you mean. I have no idea what you are going to say next."

"Nonono," she retreated a little. "I mean, you really think a lot about other people." I guessed she was right with that. "Sometimes too much, but too much was what made me fall for you." She again haled in reflection, as if the statement had made her uncomfortable.

"You are really kind, you know." She said at long last, her pause letting the words sink in. I had never had such praise directed straight at me. It was a bit overwhelming.

"To know you feel sad really gets to me, because it's never your fault." This one was a bit of an exaggeration, but she cared for me, in such a genuine fashion, and she seemed to trust me. I began to feel insignificant, and she was catching on to my emotions. I had to give her something back, kiss her or something, but it didn't seem like the right time. She had just finished her salad, and leaned back in her chair, seemingly in deep thought.

"You know," she started. I was just picking my way through the last bits of crab that I had saved for last at the bottom of the bowl. They were extremely juicy and very finely garnished; even though I cooked, I never found the same perfection in my own meals as in Janne's. I gave him a nod, catching a glimpse of him at the bar as he took a moment to check how we were doing from a distance. "You know how much I admire your father." Irelia started again, I looked up at her, easing her onwards. "Everything he did had a purpose, and it was always selfless. He wanted to get other people to places higher than he had been, that's how Zelos and I ended up getting to our positions. It was from him."

"He gave rather than took, and when I reflect on myself, I find it hard to consider myself worthy of being above him." This was new to me; I had never really grasped how much she looked up to my father. The fact that the feeling was one I also had was comforting, however, rather strange, to feel in the same position. We both paused to reflect on ourselves as the band continued playing.

_Don't you fall back_

_You are worth the honour_

_And if they cry_

_Weep with them_

_And give away_

_All you ever received_

Maybe that was the source of her thought. Odd, I thought to myself, how music could pull up very specific ideas from the depths of one's mind.

"I should show you how to play music through your summining sphere." She said, Janne came up to the table with two empty plates which he laid in front of each of us. "Thank you," Irelia and I said quietly, receiving a grateful nod from the Freljordian. "I think you'll like a lot of the music you'll find." The Ionian continued as he left, coming back moments later with a sizzling hot iron plate with four pieces of meat on them and some boiled potatoes to accompany.

"Lamb and beef," he explained. "Enjoy."

"You know, Gilion?" she started again; I honestly didn't mind listening rather than talking and signalled her on with a nod. "A lot more people look up to you than you think. And it's nicer to see you happy, everyone thinks that." She paused, having put a piece of the lamb on her plate. Her confidence seemed to make a retreat, maybe I was at fault. "I guess everything will come with time." She whispered, seeming to give in slightly.

I remained mute, only moving my hand on top of hers which lay on the side of the table, her slight smile returned again. Being with her was better, she could see it. We tucked into the main courses, the juicy and spicy pieces of meat were so tender, the cuts perfect. And the way they had been cooked left so much texture to explore and so much flavour to savour. The crowd had settled down a little by now, and I again and again kept falling back to the curiously complex and rather quick nature of the music the band was playing.

"Here's Greeneyes." Jens said plainly before starting up a slow, almost acoustic sounding intro. It was such a calm contrast to the other songs, and his deep voice was quite charming.

_I need a reason_

_To go back_

_Out of the season_

_To fall into black_

_Your staring eyes_

_Captivate me_

_Yet I am free_

I glanced up at Irelia, laying my hand on the empty edge of the table in anticipation, she actually blushed; I found it utterly adorable. Her hand trembled slightly as she touched mine, sending the electricity running up and down my spine. The way the silence and a few short exchanges of mere eye contact was all the communication we needed was quite surprising to me, but I paid little heed, letting myself enjoy the music and food. Because for a few moments, I actually felt relieved, something I had not actually been for a long time.

We were mostly finished with the exquisite food when the band rounded up the album. After the cheering had died down Alfinna stepped up to the microphone, having set aside her Bass guitar. _Hmm, they play it the old way_, I thought to myself, reminded of No Quarter being played in many different styles, but the original bass being played by the keyboard.

"This is a slower one, which I'm sure you all know, for a special friend of mine." Irelia looked at me, not seeming to know what was up, but it was given away almost immediately by the easily recognisable keyboard intro. The short cheer from the crowd made way for the rather quiet song. We continued through the last pieces of the meal as Alfinna flawlessly produced the lyrics which were burned so clearly through my mind.

As we both finished, the solo began, I was actually excited in anticipation of what the band would make of it. If anything, they had set the bar high with the rest of their songs. It built slowly, slower than usual, but more intensely, starting with the upper organ part, then the bass and guitar; weaved together so finely, and when the guitarist finally opened up his improvisation. I was utterly stunned, the quick climbs and falls, short hangs and drags were by far the best performance of the song I had ever heard. And the drumming complemented it so well, leaving me simply dazed, as if carried into bliss by the three instruments. The touch of Irelia's hand nudged me from the trance as the solo ended, the crowd cheered and I sat across from her, dazed eyes locked.

_Walking side by side with death, The devil mocks their every step_

_The snow drives back the foot that's slow, The dogs of doom are howling more_

_They carry news that must get through, To build a dream for me and you._

And as the song drew to a close the time to leave came, Irelia was first to stand up, joining in with the cheering, then making her way to the bar in the second room, I followed, finding Janne.

"Alright?" He asked.

"Nah, it was only the best meal you've ever served me." I said flatly, handing him the money, then taking a few more coins from my pocket and sliding them across the worktop to him.

"Glad you enjoyed it son. And have a good night, see you around." he called back, going to serve another customer. _Busy fellow_, I thought to myself.

As we just finished, I heard something I recognised, but I couldn't trace exactly what it was, I looked up at Irelia, who's expression had darkened, almost as if she were about to cry. She pulled me into the shadow of another bay in the wall, as I realized that it was Silvitni, an old Freljordian song. I was left helpless, staring up at the glitter of the Ionian's golden eyes with tears slowly welling inside them.

_Í mánalýsi_

_Síggi eg korallrivini_

_Glitra ígjøgnum silvitnið_

_Í tínum eygum_

_Eg lati meg søkka_

_Niður í djúpið_

_Lati meg draga_

_Inn í vakurleikan_

_Sum bý í tær_

I knew she didn't understand the lyrics, they were an old West-Freljordian tongue, but I knew them by heart, stunned by the reality of the situation I was in. I again felt the urge to kiss the Ionian; I hadn't done it yet tonight, the hesitation wearing at me. Just a simple thank you it would be, but I was so incapable, so weak, my knees began to feel strange.

_Og eg glymi mína óró_

_Minnist aftur míra eydnu_

My hands held both of hers, trembling slightly, I continued to look for the resolve in the almond orbs, but I couldn't find any.

_Eingi kann toga meg frá tær nú_

I was too weak.

_Eingin kann elska meg sum tú_

I bowed my head and she moved a hand over my shoulders, trying to comfort me.

_Eg veit at tú elskar_

_Sum var eg tín eydna_

I took her hand and led her out into the dark of night, a light drizzle falling to accompany us. With me close to staggering under the thick weight that dragged on my chest. Up from the crossroads, to the wall, left along the path in front of it, the drizzle began to strengthen into a heavy downpour, I picked up the pace, trying to leave the self-loathing behind in the rain. Up along the ridge to the southward road, following that up, the first house: dark, second: a small light on the second floor, third: also dark. It was turning into a proper storm now, the fourth house, lit on the first floor, and the fifth was my home, Akali was still awake.

I shook a rebellious curl of my hair out from in front of my eyes as we came down the pathway to the porch, as I reached into my pocket to find my keys I hesitated, turning to the drenched Irelia, who simply smiled back at me. Suddenly, I pushed her gently back into the rain, following the rather dazed Ionian into the torrent, a quick and frosty glance between us was all I needed, I kissed her, catching her slightly off guard. A distinctive edge to the flavour as my tongue took on hers; I traced it to the slightly stunned warrior. I backed away from my incautious aggression and let Irelia have her way, it felt more natural like that; everything started to feel more natural, even the rain dripping down our foreheads. The last nights fading to a distant dream of rampant impulsiveness, this was real, I trembled down my spine as she nipped my lower lip, drawing my attention from my closed eyelids to the beautiful Ionian that stood there in front of me. Her black hair drenched, but she didn't seem to mind, _she knew I loved her_.

As we separated an innocent smile made its way onto her face, making me feel a bit sorry for choosing such a silly place to do this, I could have gone inside, it would only have taken five seconds to open the door, or at least it could have been under the cover of the porch, but no, it was me; so I did it under the pouring rain. I chuckled under my breath as I pushed the door opening, letting the soggy warrior enter first and following her in. After putting my boots on the rack over the heater to let them dry, I walked past the kitchen, Zed, sitting at the table, giving me a wink as I continued (we often crossed paths when I was drenched).

"Would you like a cup of tea before I leave?" Akali called out from the kitchen, a hint of a giggle resting on her soft voice. Zed didn't usually come over, seeming to prefer to make the assassin chase him around for attention.

"Yes, please," I replied, Irelia going to see the other Ionian while I went up to my bathroom to rid myself of my soaking attire and sort my swimming mind out. As I stood in front of the mirror I realized I was quite dazed from it all, worse still was the feeling that I didn't really know what to do next which loomed on the horizon. I couldn't be bothered to take my shirt and trousers off, they weren't too wet; we had only been in the downpour for a few minutes. I cleaned my mouth and face before leaving back to the room to find the Ionian lying curled up on the bed, sobbing softly and mumbling unintelligibly. I quietly made my way to her side, lying down next to her.

"Make it stop," she whimpered, caught between gentle gasps and snivels.

"Please, please no." She pled; her weak voice almost inaudible.

"Irelia?" I asked, worried, unsure of what had caught on to the Ionian.

As if she had not noticed me she continued the quiet mumbling. "It's fresh in my mind as if it happened this afternoon."

"Oh, how she came to me, weeping, sobbing. I kept my calm that day, but it's haunted me ever since." I moved a hand gently to her cheek.

"I found you laying on the floor, limp, the dagger by your side, you were so young, so innocent, yet so, so worn out." She pulled her arms away from her face, taking a deep sniff, her face a red, tear-filled mess, but the feeble gaze caught mine. "I still can't understand what saved you." Another laboured breath. "How can you still be by my side?"

"No, no, no." She wailed softly, I just continued listening, caressing the small of her back with my free hand as I recalled the flashbacks I used to have to the last moment I shared with my father.

"Oh, gods, how you came back to me as I sat there in the growing storm on top of that damned mountain." She muttered. "After falling off the cliff with Zelos, somehow you still came back."

"Why?"

"How?"

Neither were questions I could answer.

"Oh and the words I said to you, oh gods, oh, no, no, no, no." She covered her face again with the silky arms of her shirt. "You should never forgive me for those words I uttered." She continued between irregular breaths. The truth that that moment of parting had been more painful for her than it was for me was so hard to swallow. And the feeling that I had brought her to her knees, she felt like this because of me, only because of me, yet she was so madly in love that she wanted to forgive me overshadowed any idea of guilt I had ever had.

I quietly reached over her shoulder with one arm, she responded, taking hold of my other, pulling herself close to me. I guided her arms around my back and rested her head just below my chin. Swallowing the knot in my throat and shutting my eyes; trying the best I could to not falter, I became conscious of the stark differences between us, my calmness, slow beating heart, the warriors slightly trembling body. Her ever so warm chest; caging that fast beating, almost stuttering heart, and heaving with her fast, panicked breathing.

She struggled a stiff exhale. "Oh what happened to us?" She muttered, drawing in a difficult breath. I remained silent, caressing the back of her shoulder. I noticed the warrior rub her cheek along my shirt, soon finding a patch of bare skin above the collar; she made more space for herself nudging my chin upwards.

I remained almost motionless, wading in the impossible sea of emotions. After a while the sobbing eased, leaving Irelia's still fast breathing and heartbeat. Every now and then she would exhale heavily over my exposed neck, the warmth tickling but comforting. After a while she began to peck lightly at my skin, I let it continue, trying to maintain my composure under the rather agitating sensation. Maybe she was trying to get a response from me. She got exactly that when her tongue slipped out of her mouth, grazing ever so gently over my collarbone. My heart instantly kicked into a quick trot, the Ionian's sharp senses noted, stopping the slow drag towards my neck and instead pulling herself even with me, our bodies pressed together, noses almost touching.

"I love you," she said quickly and plainly, blinking to get my attention to her eyes. A sweet smile made its way onto her face as she blushed and faltered, bashfully turning her warm gaze away from mine; and as quickly as it was woken moments earlier, my heart sank again. I searched for them, trying to get her eyes to come back to mine, a sense of dread growing inside me; I had lost them. As I gave up hoping I could get them back she pushed us apart slightly, sweeping her long obsidian hair out of the way, then taking the hand I had over her shoulder and placing it against the middle of her chest.

Her eyes quickly darted to mine, then elsewhere as her pulse kept rising, "Oh," she sighed, "look at what you do to me." I swallowed the growing knot in my throat and the words in my mouth, I was too uncertain of how to respond. After a while, during which our eyes crossed for only the shortest of moments, I moved my hand back around her waist and pulled us together again, letting our lips meet gently in the middle. The tenseness in me dissolved, she pressed herself flat against me, letting me feel all of her warmth and our tongues set out exploring. My eyes went half lidded as the warrior became aggressive, sending the tingling down my every nerve in slow, overwhelming waves. Despite trying desperately to keep my composure, I slowly felt myself weaken, hardly noticing when she broke the kiss. She gave me little time to recover, however, as she began to have her way around my neck, a chain of pecks and nips chopping my steady breaths into a messy gasps.

Seeming not to want to stop, she began to unbutton my shirt, leaving my cheeks hot at her predatory demeanour. She continued downwards, stopping somewhere around my navel; then pulled herself back up, our eyes level, while an innocent yet slightly devious look filled her face. I smiled back at the warrior who, seemingly satisfied, laid herself down by my side, leaving an inquisitive hand wandering over my heart. I didn't really know what to do in moments like these, as I had no previous experience to count on, _then again_, I wondered, _had Irelia? _I decided to save the question for later.

I apprehensively moved a hand to her neck, the usually warm skin still ever so soft and delicate to the touch. Our eyes met as I moved down to her shoulder under the silky fabrics, her gaze warm and curious as I continued to trace her graceful lines just below her collarbone to her cleavage, her heart beating softly yet swiftly below. I slowly eased the buttons of her colourful garb open, the warrior moving to let me remove it, leaving the top of her slender figure uncovered.

I continued exchanging the gaze with the Ionian, _beautiful_, I thought, looking at her smooth obsidian hair trailing down her ever so lightly coloured skin. She blushed slightly in response, kissing me on the lips gently. I moved closer to her, letting our bare skin press together, feeling her shiver ever so slightly at the tingling sensation that darted between us. Leaving her lips I wandered across to her ear, using my own to trap the loose flesh, a delicate shudder passing through her. Before leaving downwards I pricked it with the tip of my tongue, earning from her the slightest of gasps, the unintentional release perking my senses; I could continue onwards.

Down about her neck I started with a few nips which faded to a gentle and incoherent grazing of my teeth as she craned her head backwards, further exposing the sensitive skin. I had pulled myself over top of her, and felt the increasing warmth between us, especially below my stomach. Trying to distract from it myself I continued to her collarbone, my lips pecking away at the soft spot, she returned a series of delicate gasps. Without a warning I timidly closed my teeth around it, a sharp groan slipping from her mouth, startling me a little, but I was more intrigued by the way she arched her hips upwards, pushing them into mine.

When she relaxed, I lifted myself away from her, straddling her legs, letting her recover from the shock as I again found myself admiring her flawless figure. I shivered slightly at the faint marks of where my teeth had trapped her delicate skin against the bone that lay below it. Her eyes catching mine as I returned the slightest of smiles that had made its way onto her face. She sat herself up in front of me, tossing her hair to one side and giving me a light peck on the lips. For a few moments we held a warm gaze between each other, but the almond orbs began to wonder down my body as her hands worked up my sides to my shoulders. Gliding along my collarbone began to open the sides of my shirt, pausing for a response from me: a subdued nod, then continuing down with the rest, but still leaving it on.

Reaching my waist she paused, and I was suddenly drawn to the realisation of the hardness of my manhood, I blushed and began to feel extremely hot and nervous, too exposed. The warrior, seeing my discomfort quietly took my hand and gave me a reassuring look as she laid back and pulled me over her. Gently taking my right hand, she moved it to her belly, then, still keeping her eyes on mine, slowly pulled it underneath the soft fabric of her leggings. The onset of nervousness seemed to jump from me to the Ionian, as she tensed noticeably when my digit glided just over the apex of her thighs. As she loosened her grip on me, sliding her hand back up past my wrist, I continued exploring to find the soft lips of her slit coated in a sticky and slippery substance.

A little uncertain, I decided against pushing a finger between the folds and moved my hand further downward continuing until I reached the end of the line of moisture. The contact had already seized the Ionian, her eyes were shut and her breathing quickened. Still lying lengthwise along her lower lips, I gave a very gentle pressure, easing them slightly below the surface, making the Ionian shudder. I was fixated at her response, it was quite uncanny that I had been given so much power by her, _she does really trust me_. As I pulled the single intruder upwards along the walls, the Ionian spread her legs slightly more, allowing slightly more space to probe around.

Reaching the top I found a slightly loose hood of skin and a nub, the slightest rub gave away its sensitivity: Irelia's back arched up and she gasped noticeably. She still seemed to be trying to rein back her responses, her eyes flickering open, fixed on mine, her breathing quick and starting to get rougher. I slid my finger against the upper corner of her slit again, with slightly more pressure this time, a gasp of pleasure escaped her; she was losing the battle. Deciding that spot was a little too much for now, I ran back downwards, trying to get an idea of the exact features that lined her inner walls. Hidden beneath the engorged lips I found another opening, the Ionian spreading her legs slightly more. As I traced the edge around, finding that it tightened somewhat at the touch, she gasped again, shuddering all over.

Still quicker her breath went, and her eyes almost seemed to beg for me to slip deeper within, as if it would relieve her. I gave in to her unspoken wish, nervously edging my finger beyond the boundary, but found the result to be the opposite; she yelped out loud as her whole womanhood quivered and tightened, making further entry require more pressure than I was ready to put on her delicate flower. As she surfaced again, dreamily opening her eyes, she relaxed and let the intruder in deeper. Even then there felt like quite a bit of friction as I descended through the warm grasp, and she responded briskly to all of it, squirming and gasping softly all the way. Once at the bottom I almost immediately began a retreat, her uncontrollable responses continuing, then pushed back inside, the walls tightening up again as she let out a moan.

I gave the Ionian some respite; little I guessed it to be, for I still had the full length of my middle finger embedded within her. But she managed to deepen her previously hurried and shallow breathing and open her eyes to give me a desperate look. I wasn't entirely sure what to respond with; it seemed close enough to suffering, so I began to retreat from inside her, but as my single finger left the entrance to her inner cavity, she reached for my arm, getting my attention.

"Please," she whispered. "More." I swallowed the knot in my throat: I was still very nervous, but I gave in to her desperate words and pushed back into the tight hole. As I slid in the Ionian squirmed and twisted, grasping the sheets and burying her face in the pillows beside her. And on the return stroke she moaned again, seeming to give up on holding back her vocalisations. I continued the gentle movement in and out, here and there hampered a little when her walls tightened. Her response became more and more persistent, as if it were completely taking over her; curiously I decided to try to add another finger.

That was too much, just as it passed the threshold into the hot depth it clamped shut, pushing the second intruder back and clamping the first in place. A sharp yelp left her mouth and she bucked upwards, the initial shock giving way to a slow rhythmic shuddering as waves of pleasure overcame her delicate body, the accompanying moans descending to laboured gasps. It took almost a full minute before she finally lay still, breathing heavily, heart beating heavily her eyes only managing short peeks at the surroundings. Free from the grasp, I eased my finger from the hot folds, finding it covered in the sticky fluid, I moved carefully, making sure not to get it anywhere.

As I retreated from her leggings she took my arm and held the single digit between us, cautiously eyeing it before taking a lick, her eyes never leaving mine. I thought it strange, but the Ionian took another, cleaning the full length of it before setting my arm aside and pulling me against her. She tilted her head and kissed me, letting her tongue tease mine to come beyond her lips. I found the flavour changed from what it used to be, a slightly more sharp flavour, somehow arousing me more and more.

Pulling back from her lips I gave her a lustful glance, which she returned with an innocent blush, she knew I wanted to taste more of it. The slightest movement of her eyes hinted me downwards, so again I set of, but I decided it was best to slow down a little, lingering around her shoulders as I reached behind her back to loosen her bra. She obliged, helping the piece off, gently lowering myself back on top of her I started at her collarbone. The hard, defined arc just as sensitive as before, as when I glided over it with my tongue she drew a sharp breath. I didn't wait long before climbing one of her pert mounds, which like everything else about her was neither inadequate nor excessive; maybe apart from the fact that she was almost absurdly warm to the touch.

Making it to the top I found the nipple hard with anticipation, I edged up the areola, feeling the warrior's self-command falter helplessly. I let my tongue deviously inch up onto the more sensitive skin, a flock of keen gasps slipping from her grasp as it landed. Skirting around I drew a slow, messy circle around the peak, parting from it with a slight flick which seemed to reverberate through her whole figure. Down her belly I continued, making sure not to leave a single slip of skin without the grazing touch of my fingers, while lazy kisses dripped ever closer to her waist.

I glanced upwards for approval when reaching her final articles of clothing, but she was already long lost in bliss. With a thumb I hooked one side, pulling it down unevenly at a painfully slow pace, the Ionian growing more and more tense as it came closer and closer to exposing her soaking hot core. I began to tug the other side too, trailing kisses down the top of her hip, eyeing her snatch as its drenched, engorged lips came into view. But as much as I wanted to delve straight into the source of the distinctively sharp and arousing scent, I continued down her thigh. I decided it was about sating her desires and not mine.

Patiently I continued along her leg, the deft muscles shuddering as I slowly edged inwards: closer, yet continued downwards: further away. I had reached just above her knees when my hands had finished removing the last of her clothes and as I glanced back upwards her quaking knees separated slightly to give me entrance. I kept to my patient pace, edging up the inside of her thighs, planting kisses on either side as I slowly wandered up, closer and closer to her heat. I began to pity the poor Ionian as she began to shiver all over from how torturously I closed the last inches.

But the build-up was worth it, all of the trembling absorbed into a long, delicate moan, her hand unable to decide whether to hold on to the sheets or cover her mouth as I kissed the hot, silvery line of moisture that eased up from inside. She stumbled into a muffled run of incomplete breaths as I pulled my tongue along the slit, picking up the sticky leak, the exact flavour really inexplicable; undefined. Reaching the top I pushed inwards, greeted by more warmth from within, the Ionian arching her back, releasing a ragged moan. She had most definitely given up on all attempts to silence the vocalisations and began to shudder again as I reached for her depths, the slick walls quivering at the stroke of the intruder. Each movement, every slightest one elicited a reaction: A squirm, a quiver, a groan. Absolutely everything seemed to rest upon me.

I pressed upwards again, finding the loose flesh below the nub and began to gently massage it, starting with an up and down motion, then beginning to circle the sensitive peak. Irelia's movements seemed to continue adding; even though she was holding out I could feel her get closer to the edge. I slowed the action, trying to give her more time, but it only gave her more pleasure, gasps quickening desperately. I quickly darted down to the other end of her quim, and then working back upwards, tracing each of the folds of delicate skin; ending with a slow suck at her clit.

It hit her like a train, all of the tension breaking at once, she screamed, grasping onto my head, merciless waves of ecstasy ripping one after the other through her delicate body, seizing it to the command of her orgasm. Again, slowly sliding along the quivering bundle of nerves, I gave it time to subside, fading into a slow trail of exhausted moans and gasps as I watched, waiting for her to recover from my handy work.

I slowly made my way back up to her shut eyes, feeling the movement she opened them, revealing hazy, dazed orbs. "Oh," the unintentional gasp was all she could muster in an attempt to speak. She shut them slowly again, tired, worn out from the painfully slow assault I had put her through. I began to feel a wrenching in my heart, the same thickening of my throat as I watched her, a sight to pity. I laid myself by her side, a protective arm over her chest, jaw resting against her shoulder. She was still out of breath and her pulse was noticeable from a distance, and it didn't slow for a few minutes, but eventually she stirred, kissing me on the forehead.

"Thank you," she murmured. I was still convinced she was suffering, but she began to reach towards my waist, my belt. Below that my member was already hard; I fought back the tremble as she loosened it, letting me adjust above her again so she could remove my last piece of clothes. I was feeling more and more apprehensive, the seriousness of what I figured was about to happen beginning to take its toll.

"I-I don't think we should," I stammered.

"I take a leaf, you needn't worry about a baby," she reassured, but a solemn feeling had already infected me.

"I…" she stopped me early, drawing me into a kiss as her hot body slid along me. I winced at my hesitance, but the need to address the doubts would not subside. There was something so wrong with what I was doing, I didn't understand what feeling within her could have possibly led her to want me to infringe on that of her that was so sacred.

"What is bothering you?" she whispered, having let our lips separate. I didn't know what was upsetting me, just that everything just felt wrong.

"Why…" she again stopped me, shaking her head slowly.

"Gilion," she said, pausing as she saw the tears welling in my eyes. "I love you." I knew that, but was this really love? It felt so…

_Dirty._

"I want to be one with you; I want to share everything I have with you." She continued. I opened my eyes momentarily to reveal her pained face. "I want you to be able to trust me with everything." I did.

"I'm sorry." She caved in. "I'm getting impulsive." But I was already struck the other way, the disappointment in her gaze pushed me more. I couldn't let her be unhappy with herself; I couldn't let such thoughts taint her, rather myself than her. I kissed her quickly, getting her attention.

"I trust you." I whispered, barely above a breath.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She answered. "Forgive me, please." I had nothing to forgive her for. I shook my head. I was the one who was being doubtful. All that really could matter for me was this Ionian beauty, she was everything, she had to be everything; just maybe could I cast all else aside for now and save the moment for me and her.

Irelia Lito, Captain of the Ionian guard, or maybe just a bit more than a really close friend; perfect in all her flaws. She wasn't the same as the one who had become captain at the wish of my father. She was a gentle, loving, soft hearted girl who had been hidden for so many years under armour and blade and somehow she had fallen for me. But both sides of her were here, the two were one. And she had given herself to me, trusting that I would give what little of myself I had left back to her.

Tears shimmered in both our eyes, but they no more were of sadness, tears of love rather. We kissed gently, all of the lust and young impulsiveness gone, leaving nothing but raw love. We gently rolled around on the expanse of sheets; two were one, hearts beating in pair, pauses for breath for both. Our tongues weaved a graceful dance around each other, spreading the strange flavour she had enchanted me with. As we settled, me on top, I felt one of her hands gently go past my hip, carefully taking my erect member and guiding it towards her eager entrance.

Nothing in me could resist any more.

I waited for her to let me in, unsure of how much I needed to brace myself. We broke the kiss and at her subtle signal I pushed slightly, encountering somewhat more resistance than I had anticipated. I didn't really feel comfortable being forceful so it was Irelia who persisted, but was halted almost as quickly as she had started, with a subdued yelp escaping her lips. I was trembling, so much that I had until then failed to notice that she was too, but the assault that began on my senses gladdened me, knowing that it couldn't venture to equal what I had bestowed upon her in the last half hour. My breath quickened, and slowly we eased closer together, deeper, I shuddered, eyes misting to the ecstasy of her walls clenching around me, creating an almost unbearable friction between us.

When I finally found the full length of my member to have entered her, I hardly expected to have any energy to continue. I just lay flush against the Ionian, swept away by the electricity in my nerves, being able to focus on nothing more than our fast breathing. She took the hint and began to swap us over, still bonded through the whole movement. With a kiss on my lips she raised herself onto her knees, the silhouette of her figure rising slowly, pulling herself off me, folds still tightened. The first, slow few thrusts she dealt with fine, not making further sound than hard breaths. I was fighting to keep my own silence, biting at the inside of my lip, focusing on my breathing, but when the Ionian sped up her pace, tightening as she pulled out, relaxing as she lowered, I began to slip into a trance; trembling overrunning me from all sides. She gave way to short whimpers, the sweet sounds leaking from her lips and slowly working their way towards delicate moans. I could not tell between seconds or hours, but soon she began to slow her pace, succumbing to the numbing pleasure that ran from our hips.

She lowered her head to mine again, quickly kissing me on the lips in defeat as she made one last attempt to ease me out one last time. I captured her in another, slipping between her lips, halting her thrust. We again exchanged positions, rolling slowly to let me be graced by the view from above. A quick peck on the cheek and I started, a slow, considerate pace at first, but Irelia's resistance was already so weak. She whimpered and shuddered beneath me, her rhythmic tensing unable to continue. I too, felt myself nearing an edge, release, coming close. My thrust stuttered, but still reached deep within her velvet walls, then again, bottoming out. A cry left her mouth, she arched back, and just as I was about to push in one last time she clamped down, squealing as I parted the soaking linings, feeling the wall of bliss wash through my manhood reached its destination, releasing its juices within her.

The waves of our orgasms built on each other, carrying us into a starry paradise, bucking against each other again and again before slowly subsiding and relieving us of the overload of our senses. A sheen of sweat covered us, I felt hot, Irelia's breathing tripped right and left, we were an absolute mess, both inside and out. But the moment her eyes opened, all I could feel was the bliss of knowing that all her desires had been sated. I was washed free from worries, free from everything I had feared, because this Ionian had captured my heart in her loving grasp. We gazed deep into each other's breathless eyes for what felt like a lifetime until I faltered, noticing that I was still sheathed within her.

I gently pulled myself out of her and noticing that she was beginning to shiver of cold pulled the sheets up to above our noses as we lay side by side, legs still locked together. I rested my head beside her shoulder, letting her fingers slowly weave through the long locks of hair which as if by magic didn't seem tangled at all. The utter calmness that lay between us was so enchanting, such a contrast to the chaotic bliss that had just passed. Her warm skin against mine, those quiet, shallow breaths, everything was perfect. She let out a gentle sigh, resting her head against mine.

"Irelia?" I whispered softly, the Ionian nodding ever so subtly in acknowledgement. "You know?" I paused, just thinking my words over; I hadn't really expected a response from her. "You say everything, when you say nothing at all." She pushed us apart slightly, allowing our eyes to meet again, she wore an innocent smile again and her cheeks blushed as she blinked a few times.

_Confused._

I silently looked back at her dim, golden eyes, and just then her expression changed, she shifted.

_She knows what I mean._

_But, I have to make sure._

I slowly edged a hand towards her chest, placing it flat between the two exposed mounds. I almost felt the tingle dart down her spine as our skin touched, the smile on her face growing ever so slightly. She pulled me in again, lips meeting, cheeks hot, eyes fluttering closed.

_This bond would last a lifetime._

* * *

I lay quiet, Irelia having glided into an unstirring sleep. The dim lamp at the other end of the room gave me just enough light to see her delicate features. I was more occupied with the thick sensation that stuck in my throat, the blissful glance of the Ionian, how complete everything felt. _Whatever will come next?_ I asked myself, a hopeless act, I really hadn't the faintest grasp of how I ended up here, with her in the first place, let alone a clue to where I was headed. I deemed the reflection of no use and just focused myself on the sleeping beauty that lay before me. Clearing the rest of my thoughts to a side, they all seemed too overwhelming. I gently pushed a few strands of hair out from in front of her face, running my fingers gently down her neck and shoulder, taking in the serene stillness of the moment.

It didn't last long, there was a knock on the door, one eyes and ears readied I waited for the next movement, it was Akali. The latch on the door clicked and the slight shudder in the pressure within the room indicated its slow opening. A slight rattle of crockery and the door shut, clicking again. I had completely forgotten about the tea.

Oh well.

* * *

**Although this concludes a journey and I unfortunately don't see myself having time to write for the next 5 months or so, these first 20 chapters are only a glimpse of what I'd like to write. But who knows, this whole writing thing comes to me in leaps and bounds.**

**That said, there is a lot of planning I want to do before continuing, so I can't raise your hopes any more than putting a maybe around July/August of this year. I also plan to move into a time of seriously dedicating myself to the game (not just Irelia) as last summer I got a wonderful (and unexpected) glimpse into the world of coaching on LAS. But that's a long way out, so I'll leave you with this and hope you enjoyed all of this so far.**

**Oh and I'm very sorry if you** **aren't one for (death) metal, I will try not to rely on it to convey messages, but for those of you who (\m/) I will still throw in a few tunes here and there.**


	22. Affliction

**Hello again, it has been a while, but exams called… I am now an "IB Survivor", basically I am back.**

**There are some major (non-plot) edits going on in previous chapters, if you are not one for literary fluff there isn't really much reason to go back and re-read them (but feel free to msg me if you are curious about the writing process).**

* * *

**Chapter 21 - Affliction**

I was the first to wake up, finding Irelia's blissful expression hadn't left her through her serene slumber. We were both still locked together, completely nude. At thought, I found it rather awkward, I felt myself blush slightly. Not wanting to wake the Ionian, I lay still, silently watching the indistinct grey streaks of cloud float distantly beyond the glass of the window. It didn't look like much would come of the flat blanket that hovered there so effortlessly.

_What would it look like from above?_

I recalled a time when my father took me to a part of the Fjordmark where we had climbed along a ridge, as a relatively thin layer of clouds slowly rolled its way into the valleys surrounding us. At one point we crossed a saddle where the clouds had managed to stretch across and tumble down the other side of the hill, the air felt so different when walking through it. Warm and dry above, and cool and moist within the fog. But I had never been able to be lodged somewhere between towering storm clouds, there was something that seemed so graceful about weaving in and around the towering puffs like an eagle. It was so distant and impossible, yet I longed to do just that.

I felt the warrior's grip loosen slightly and I resolved to try to get out of bed, easing myself away from her. She curled up, but stayed fast asleep. I lay the sheets back over her.

The clock on my desk showed around two past midday, I swore under my breath. We must have gone to sleep really late…

Or just slept a lot.

After washing my face and putting on some clothes I quietly made my way downstairs, finding the house empty. In the kitchen I found a note on the counter.

* * *

_Hey sweetie, completely forgot to tell you I was going with Zed to Ogawa. We'll be out until Sunday (five days)._

_Take care_

_xoxo_

_Akali_

* * *

She knew I always forgot what day it was…

I wasn't really sure what to do, I still felt rather sleepy, and separated from Irelia I found myself rather cold. And as much as I tried to supress it, I longed for her touch, her aura, her presence. It was almost sickening, but the more I thought about it, the more it gnawed at me; twisting my nerves, emanating a deep, dull pain through my body; and breaking through this was an ardent stone in my heart and fierce, all-consuming longing.

Trying to wake myself from the quelling notion I splashed some more cold water over my face and drank a glass of juice from the coldroom. It was no use; I surrendered and without a sound made my way back up to my room.

The Ionian stirred slightly, almost as if having perceived the disturbance in my mind. About to get back in bed I paused, it felt rather awkward for her to be nude under the sheets, while I had my morning clothes on. Taking them off I found myself blushing again; it was such a childish thing to think about.

I hesitantly got back into the bed, laying myself down and curling up by her side, I wasn't sure if she would mind me nestling up with her, so kept from touching her. My doubts were proven false when she muttered something unintelligible and shuffled right up against me; I nervously opened from my ball and pushed my head up along her warm shoulder. She seemed to relax slightly, turning over onto her back so I could lie against her side. The weights in my chest lifted, easing my breath and calming my fast-beating heart.

One of Irelia's hands gently made its way behind me; they never seemed to be able to let me alone, incessantly forcing me to draw my thoughts to them. It was exactly that which gave me that quaking desire for her. Making my breath strained, mind muddled. I nuzzled in closely, and here it was that the warrior was so tranquil, her heart no more than the faintest disturbance where I made contact with her wrist, all I could focus on was the way those digits lazily trailed across my skin. I laxed, the warrior having captured me where I was weakest, gently easing me back to sleep.

* * *

Hours later I woke, seeing Irelia sat in the armchair. The evening was beginning to settle in, colourless and grey. She quietly recited the lines of a song, startlingly similar to the one from the night at her place.

_Well I'm here and summer is gone I hear.  
So pray for me as I now leave your town.  
When did I say this, I will never leave?  
I can't recall this moment in my life._

I was transfixed, the guilt hidden behind the words seeping into me, consuming me. It felt like a clue, something she was telling her.

_You would never sleep at night if you knew what I've been through.  
This thought is all I have to trust upon when light is gone._

I wasn't sure who the words were directed to. The lines cut like a knife, she was too kind to point them at me, but if they were meant for her, why? _I was surely better off thanks to her, why were they filled with such—such self-loathing?_

I wondered for a moment whether I should ask about them, maybe my thoughts were wrong. _No, not now._ I thought to myself, she would tell me if there was something that troubled her.

"What time is it?" I grumbled, trying to get on with the day, or whatever was left of it. I couldn't see the clock from where I lay.

"Getting on for dinner time," she said softly. I was wishing she was still in the bed with me, but had no idea if or how I should ask her about that either. She seemed to have had a shower and was dressed already, so maybe it wouldn't have been too bad of a guess to say she had slept enough. But the same oppressive sensation of heaviness had consumed me again and it felt like there was no way out anymore.

"I'm cold," I said so impulsively I forgot that the winter sheets I already had on my bed were boiling hot through all but the coldest of nights. She had picked up on my foolishness and chuckled lightly in response, warmth crept into my cheeks.

I continued to think about her, the way she was so—so easy going. She would just give me that transfixingly solemn gaze which just drew every emotion out of my battered heart, and it hurt her.

Visibly.

Yet she still went on with it. I had heard of people who harmed themselves intentionally, but she was a stoic Ionian warrior, I could never imagine Irelia would be someone like that. And what if she was? How would I stop it, I was rubbish with dealing with emotions, I couldn't handle my own, let alone those of someone else. But she was so patient with me, so genuine, honest…

So…

Dark.

And just like those lyrics…

So…

Burdened.

So…

Disgraceful

She suddenly got up and seemingly drenched in guilt sat down on the bed next to me, her gentle fingers lingering on my cheeks. My throat thickened to tar, and a sudden shortness of breath washed over me as I felt the sinking, crushing, debilitating stiffness wrench at my gut. Just as I was about to burst in tears she kissed me on my forehead, a lingering tingling left behind as her golden eyes waited longingly for me.

I shifted, letting my head rest on her lap, her delicate caress weaving its way across me.

"Relax, Gilion," she murmured. I tried, listening for her heartbeat. I found it; gentle but paced.

_I can't let you falter._

I reached for her hand, the Ionian hesitating for the slightest of moments before gingerly letting me lock fingers with her. A few moments passed and she sighed, lessening the tenseness that surrounded her. The melancholic look in her expression shifted; then slipped away, replaced by the faintest hint of a smile.

I took a deep breath, feeling the rush of warmth overcome me again.

_I'm so sensitive…_

Wrapping my free arm around her, I pushed her gently back onto the mattress, laying my head on her belly.

"You smell nice," I whispered, probably sounding almost sultry. The warrior giggled quietly.

_And also madly in love_, I thought to myself, feeling our heart's quick pace. Her stomach grumbled a softly.

"Shall I make something to eat?" Irelia asked.

"You're warm." I returned, as if she hadn't said a thing, holding on to her a little more tightly. She sighed; I wondered if I should push it further and tease her more.

"I'm hungry," she said back plainly. I blushed at how she played my tricks on me.

"Well," I answered, hesitating, "You can always devour me." I continued, trying to hold back my laughter, my cheeks burning, I wondered if I was being a bit too corny. She sighed again, taking a slightly more frustrated tone. I could feel the way she tensed with each shift in her emotions.

Suddenly, she went almost completely limp.

"I love you," she murmured, plainly, but so solemnly.

"Hmh, I guess…" I started. "I love you too. I think Akali left something in the coldroom." I said, giving in to her; it was my habit to eat through leftovers before cooking anything new.

"I was thinking I'd go off to town to get something nice," I couldn't really turn her offer down.

"Sure, I guess." I responded, sitting on the side of the matrass. I was getting curious about what she'd make; if it was anything like what she had cooked while we were at her residence I'd be more than happy. Even though I considered myself competent at cooking, I never thought I cooked anything remarkably good, Akali, however, did object to that, and said I cooked really well, like my mother.

Kissing me lightly on the forehead, she left the room, my eyes trailing her graceful walk until she disappeared, leaving me a bit empty again. I was feeling rather crummy, as was usual before having a shower in the morning. On the wintry cold tile floor I stripped myself after turning the water on, opening up the small window above the sinks to let the steam out; a draught of the frigid air rolling off the counter and past my feet. I always had the water "too hot", at least by my parents' judgement, but it didn't feel right otherwise.

Waiting for it to warm up I ran my brush through my tangled hair, it was always jumbled up in the morning, and brushing it without having a shower just made it a frizzy mess. It was also near impossible to get any of it actually wet enough to wash without doing so; the water just ran off the top. I wished it was straight, like Janne's; it would be so much easier to deal with. I chuckled at myself, thinking how stubborn I was, I hated having my hair long, but I kept it anyway; sometimes it was nice, especially when walking around on a cold night.

As always, I stood idly under the running water for ages, and of course Irelia was the first thing that came to my mind. I wondered how exactly she felt about Zelos, the only time it was really brought up between us was in one of our fits. We bottled it up.

A sudden realisation flooded me, we bottled everything up.

It was almost like we locked away our emotions high up in mountain valleys behind great big dams, if some splashed over the top we'd build them higher, and slowly more and more of it would pile up behind the walls. Yet every time we were together, the walls would falter, cracking, leaking some of it into the valleys below. But the cracks would only grow, turning into torrents, opening up great big ruptures in the walls, digging out the foundations from underneath, and then the water they held back would come crashing down into the valleys below, meeting in the middle as a tumultuous tempest, untamed, clashing wildly.

It wasn't any use bottling things up, what could I change? I had never let myself submit to my emotions, but I couldn't do otherwise. They seemed so strong, so overwhelming, yet among them was my affection towards the Ionian, and all of it I held close to my heart. She had to like me for who I was, and who was I to try to be someone else. I nipped at the inside of my lower lip, scowling nervously, I wasn't really sure at what. At length I finished washing myself off, by when I could already pick up the scent of food coming from downstairs. _That was quick_, I thought to myself, smiling a little. I wanted to hug her again, just to let her know I was there.

I finished putting my clothes on and combed my hair out of my face while looking out the large window. The dusk was clear, the sky a cold, deep blue; the tattered sheets of grey from earlier in the day departing off to the east. It looked like it might be a frosty night again, winter was nigh. And when it would come it would stay, unlike last week's flurry.

Quietly, I left my room, carefully avoiding treading on my heels. The thick, polished wooden beams that made the stairs never creaked, but the slightest tap on them could be discerned from anywhere in the house. The tiled floor downstairs was cool to the feet, maybe I should have put socks on; my mother always nagged me about that. The fragrance of fried garlic and onion snuck from the kitchen, it was going to be something Ionian; I smiled at the thought. Once in the kitchen I snuck up behind the warrior, wrapping my arms around her, taking in her warmth, the softness of her skin through the fabrics, and the sweet smell that lingered around her.

"Hey sweetheart," she cooed, I blushed and leaned against her head slightly. "Sleep well?" She asked, moving a hand from the pan to my fingers.

"Hmm," I hummed affirmatively. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"If you get the spinach out of that pan, mix it in with the beans and the sesame dressing, the jar is there."

Aemono, this was a simple variant, but equally delicious. I did as instructed, Irelia busying herself with what seemed like a sweet teriyaki sauce for with the salmon she had picked up in town. We both were quiet and meticulous, occasionally glancing across to see how the other was doing. I finished by putting the vegetables on a small plate each, taking a warm dish from the hot-cupboard just in time for the salmon.

Our eyes crossed for a moment, a soft look of approval on the Ionian's face.

"Shall we eat out on the balcony?" She asked, just as I was about to lay the plates on the table. I shrugged indifferently which she took it as a yes, taking out two trays while I scooped rice into two bowls.

We sat across from each other, legs crossed, and each our trays on top. We were both quiet, Irelia occasionally glanced my way, I always returned a silent look of approval; the salmon was just as I expected, the glaze just off sweet and slightly crisp while the inside of the meat was a tender warm pink. Probably a good bit better than I would have done, but then again, the vegetables and my sesame dressing were hardly bad either.

In the slowly deepening twilight the last clouds drifted eastwards, slowly revealing the pearl coloured moon, just off round, floating a few hours old above the horizon. But together, the moon and the balcony light stole away any hope of seeing the stars from where we sat. A cool breeze blew around the corner of the house, rustling the dry leaves in the trees. It was one of those strange days where Autumn didn't seem to have its way, maybe taking a rest, before continuing to batter the lands with wind, cloud, and rain, stealing the last slivers of warmth from the land before the northerly winds brought Winter down from the Freljord.

"Gilion," the warrior asked, a concerned look clouding her, I must have shivered or something.

"Just," I started, pausing, not really sure how to put it. "Thinking about winter." I couldn't lie.

The Ionian just gave me a curious but loving look, continuing with her food.

No sooner had I finished eating, I sat behind her with my arms around her waist; she was so warm. One of her hands wandered to mine, softly grasping me in her slender fingers. I lifted my chin, resting it on her shoulder, leaning lightly against her. She breathed out lengthily; I followed, relaxing slightly, feeling my muscles almost melt against her; heart sinking, eyes shutting; all I wanted to feel was her warmth. Her digits gently weaved abstract patterns on the back of my hand; sometimes gliding across the knuckles, then absently circling back to trail along the lengths of the valleys in between, occasionally drifting up, down, then in-between the protruding veins.

For a moment, I considered caressing the skin at the side of her belly, but the thought of touching her frightened me, my thoughts lingered around the idea, eventually surrendering to let the warrior continue as she wished.

_She's so perfect._

It was a fact I found so hard to swallow, I couldn't understand why. I just felt insignificant, useless. I was just over 6 years younger than her, how could I possibly give her what she needed, what she deserved. Yet, the trust she displayed in me was unlike anything I could comprehend, so far beyond me

"Let's lie down in the grass," she said, giving me a pause. We got up and walked down the garden to the middle of the lawn, I timidly held onto her hand, not wanting to let go and equally not trying to feel like a burden.

We lay with our heads next to each other. She kissed me on the forehead, yet I remained idle.

_Except she isn't perfect._

I recalled last night's fit; deep ran her scars, and I had been part of them.

_What about Zelos? Maybe he was someone I could strive to be like?_

"The stars are really beautiful, aren't they?" She asked, insecurity staining her gentle tone. I nodded absently in response; I was too lost in my thoughts to actually take a look. Her hand moved to the side of my head, she began to caress me, I swore she knew what I was feeling. She could sense the energy being drained from me.

After a while she stirred, moving herself across from me, placing cushioning my head on her belly, still moving her fingers through my hair.

Again, the memory of the night on Tylos stormed into my thought. Yet I found I could not remember anything specific. It was only the subconscious drag of climbing back up the cliff.

But, slowly, as I pondered it, the haze seemed to lift.

_The first step was the hardest. The one that left Zelos behind. _

It felt like the loneliest step I had ever taken.

_Each step had to be taken slowly, carefully._

_It was not just the ache of leaving a friend, a brother that now wrenched at me, but the weeks on the move had taken their toll on my muscles and bones._

_Every movement was such a struggle._

_The thinness of the air was now fully exposed, my body screaming for the air it so desperately needed._

_I felt so tired, out of breath, just straight up weak._

_But I had to be meticulous._

_The ice had to be checked before every movement._

_I wouldn't fail at something I had done since I was a child._

_I had to keep going._

Suddenly I realized I was talking out loud and stopped. I could feel Irelia tensing, uncomfortable beneath me. She swallowed between tight breaths.

"Keep going," she whispered.

"I suppose, I didn't fail," I continued; then sighed, the exhaustion of that evening infecting me. "'Take care of Irelia.' Those were his last words; then he gave his life f-for…" I couldn't say it. The words lay at the tip of my tongue, but to utter them seemed sinful, shameful, disgraceful. Irelia's eyes met my teary ones as I looked up her chest, she had propped her head up. I couldn't hold her gaze, all my energy felt drained, I felt almost as tired as I had been back then.

I shut my eyes and looked up, taking a deep breath.

"Mine." The word felt distant, more a sigh than speech. "W-Why?" I stammered, and at that, I broke into sobs, burying my face in her chest and throwing my arms around her. She tensed further beneath me; it was when I did this that I hurt her. The dull pain began to emanate from low within my chest. I wanted to throw a tantrum like I had as a child, but I was so powerless that even that seemed impossible. Instead I whimpered softly, feeling the tears run, it felt so stupid, I hated myself for it, I hated myself for everything I had done, a rage engulfing me, all directed right back at myself. But the anger was unable to sustain itself, leaving behind only absolute helplessness, I tightened my grip on the Ionian ever so slightly, still remaining unquestionably gentle, yet to me it felt like I was hanging on to her for dear life.

"I never want to let you go." I managed, between sobs.

Shhh. "I'll always be here for you." Her voice was so pained, distant, weary; it struck my heart, sending me back into sobs. _Why did loving her hurt so much?_ She felt the shudder that ran through me.

"Breathe deeply," she whispered, her voice changed, loving, caring. She caressed the back of my head and neck gently.

I took in the scent of the grass and how it mixed with her almost flowery smell, it felt so contrasting in the gloomy autumn. She began to hum a tune, I quickly recognised it to be The Rain Song, the calm tone it had. Its quiet lyrics I recited in my head.

_It is the springtime of my loving – the second season I am to know.  
You are the sunlight in my growing – so little warmth I've felt before.  
It isn't hard to feel me glowing – I watched the fire that grew so low._

I let the lyrics sink in, the warming temper they had spreading to my heart. I had heard it so often before, yet it never had meant anything until the Ionian gave it to me like this. I was so enamoured, feeling the heat reach my cheeks. I still didn't really know why she loved me like this.

I eventually gathered the strength and valour to straddle her legs, in response she sat up in front of me. My eyes were drawn to her, but at the moment her golden orbs found mine, I ran across her shoulders, freezing when she closed the distance between us and kissed me on the cheek. The tingling sensation brought me into a blush; I heard a hint of a giggle from her as she rested her forehead against mine, noses meeting in the middle too. Her bashful look almost made me chuckle too, but before I could she gently pressed our lips together. I felt so passive, but what could I do, she didn't mind anyway.

She broke away, batting her eyelashes.

"You're cute." She whispered quickly, pushing me onto my back before I could respond, I blushed as she hovered predatorily over me.

In the flurry of lust and passion I forgot about my worries, she had managed to drag me away from them, this crazy Ionian warrior; so perfect in all of her flaws. Maybe time would heal our wounds.

Maybe.

After all, it's the tree that weathers winter's storms that lives to blossom the next spring.

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**Thanks so much for bearing with the long waits, I really wish I could put this stuff out quicker, but I don't find myself in the right mood too often and if I am forcing it out the writing doesn't feel as genuine.**

**I do very much hope everyone has enjoyed reading, really looking forward to hearing some more in the reviews!**


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